>v 



jhjZMS >ND AdDITIES: 



:FW)<i floating 011 tl\e $ttffade of oui< dttffei\t 
Litei<attife, 



TOSSED TO DRY LAND BY THE WAVES OF MEMORY. 



GATHERED AND ARRANGED 



M. A. A. D. 







N0...7.0.H.H. 
^ 1G ~ G 

WASH* 

RUSSELL BROTHERS, PUBLISHERS, 

17, 19, 21, 23 KOSE STREET. 

1876. 



<r<~? 



S* 



It is related of St. Aloysius Gonzaga that while, at 
the usual time of recreation, he was engaged in playing 
chess, question arising among his brother novices as to what 
each would do were the assurance to come to them that they 
would die within an hour, St. Aloysius said he should go 
on witr. his game of chess. 

If our recreations as well as our graver employments 
are undertaken with a pure intention, we need not reproach 
ourselves though Sorrow, we need not fear though Death 
surprise us while engaged in them. 

Addison, JV. T., January, 1876. 



INDEX 



Py\RT I. 



CHARADES. 

Nos. 1, 10, 25, 43, 44, 53, 88, 91, 110, 152, 153, 154, 155, 167, 176, 
177, 182, 183, 192, 193, 201, 217, 279,. 281. 285, 290, 291, 297, 316, 
331, 332, 333, 345, 350, 354, 357, 368, 371, 372, 374. 
CONUNDRUMS. 

Nos. 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9. 17, 18, 21, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 46, 47, 
51, 52. 56, 57, 58, 59, 60, 61. 62, 63, 92, 93, 94, 95, 97, 98, 106, 108, 
109, 143, 144, 145, 146, 147, 148, 149, 150, 158, 159, 160, 161, 162, 
163, 164, 165, 166, 168, 169, 170, 171, 172, 173, 174, 175, 184, 185, 186, 
187, 188, 189, 190, 191, 196, 197, 198, 199, 200, 204, 205, 206, 207, 
208, 209,214,252,253,254,257, 258,259, 260, 261, 262, 263, 264,265, 
266, 267, 268, 269, 270, 274, 275, 278, 280, 286, 294, 299, 300, 301, 
303, 318, 319, 320, 321, 322. 323, 325, 326, 327, 329, 330, 359, 360, 361. 

FRENCH AND LATIN RIDDLES. 

Nos. 66, 67, 68, 69, 70, 71, 72, 73, 74, 78. 

MATHEMATICAL. 

Nos. 48, 82, 83, 84, 85, 86, 87, 346, 362, 373. 

NOTABLE NAMES, 

Nos. Ill, 112, 113, 114, 115, 116, 117, 118, 119, 120, 121, 122, 123, 
124, 125, 126, 127, 128, 129, 130, 131, 132,133, 134,135, 136, 137, 
138, 139, 140, 141, 142. 

POSITIVES AND COMPARATIVES. 

Nos. 218, 219, 220, 221, 222,223,224, 225, 226, 227, 228, 229, 230, 
231, 232, 233, 234, 235, 236, 237, 238, 336, 337, 338, 339, 340, 341, 
342, 343, 344. 

POSITIVES, COMPARATIVES AND SUPERLATIVES. 
Nos. 239, 240, 241, 242, 243, 244, 245, 246, 247, 248, 249, 250. 



"6 

ELLIPSES. 

Nos. 307, 308, 309, 312, 313, 352, 355, 365, 366. 
NUMERICAL ENIGMA. 



No. 306. 
No. 304. 
No. 315. 
No. 360. 
Pp. 77, 78. 
P. 78. 



SQUARE WORD. 
XM.AS DINNER. 

DINNER PARTY. 

UNANSWERED RIDDLES. 

UNANSWERABLE QUESTIONS. 



PARADOXES. 
P. 79. 

OTHEF^ VARIETIES OF PUZZLES. 

Nos. 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 19, 20, 22, 23, 24, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 38, 
39, 40, 41, 42, 45, 49, 50, 54, 55, 64, 65, 75, 76, 79, 80, 81, 89, 90, 96, 
99, 100, 101, 102, 103, 104, 105, 107, 151, 156, 157, 178, 179, 180, 182, 
194, 195, 202, 203, 210, 211, 212, 213, 215, 216, 251, 255, 256, 271, 
272, 273, 276, 277, 282, 283, 284, 287, 288, 289, 292, 293, 295, 296, 
298, 302, 305, 310, 311, 314, 317, 324, 328, 334, 335, 347, 348, 349, 
351, 353, 354, 358, 363, 364, 367, 369, 370. 



PART II. 

Acrostics : pacjk. 

Adelina Patti, 145 

Emblematic, 131 

Spring, 146 

Alliteration : 

Siege of Belgrade, 144 

Example in French, 145 

Alphabet, The, in One Sentence, .133 



PAGE 

Americans, Characteristic Sayings of, 113 

Anagrams, 131, 133 

Ann Hathaway, 140 

An Original Love Story, 126 

Beheaded Words, . , 133 

Books, Fancy Titles of, 83 

Clubs, 85 

Concealed Meanings. 129 

Conceits of Composition: 

When the September eves, 152 

Oh 1 come to-night, 153 

Thweetly murmurth the breethe, 154 

Contribution to an Album, 125 

Dialects : 

Yankee, 116 

London Exquisite's, 116 

Legal, 118 

Wiltshire, 118 

Bneid, The Newly Translated, 122 

Epigram, 129 

Etiquette of Equitation, 88 

Extempore Speaking, 147 

Facetije, 84, 105 

French Song, 139 

Geographical Propriety, 102 

George and his Poppar. 121 

History, 133 

Instructive Fables, 141 

Latin Poem. 139 

Macaronic Poetry: 

Felis et Mures, 137 

Ego numquam audivi, 138 

Tres fratres stolidi, 138 

The Rhine, 138 

Ich Bin Dein, 139 

In questa casa 140 

Macaronic Prose, 136 



8 
Medleys : page. 

I only know, 159 

The curfew tolls, 160 

The moon was shining, 161 

Life, 162 

Names : 

Fantastic, 98 

Ladies', their Sound, 100 

" their Signification, 101 

Ode to Spring . . 121 

Other Worlds, 86 

Our Modern Humorists, 148 

Palindrome, 132 

Parodies : 

Song of the Recent Rebellion, 89 

Come out in the garden, Jane, 91 

Brown has pockets running over, 93 

When I think of him I love so, 94 

Never jumps a sheep that's frightened, 95 

How the water comes down at Lodore, 96 

Tell me, my secret soul, 97 

Printers' Short Hand, 119 

Pronunciation, 142 

Rhyme, 122 

Rhythm, 127 

Secret Correspondence, , 130 

Seeing is Believing, 97 

Sound and Unsound: 

See the fragrant twilight, 151 

Brightly blue the stars, 152 

Sorrows of Werther, 84 

Stanzas from J. F. Crawford's Poems, 128 

Stilts, 87 

St. Anthony's Fish Sermon, 135 

The Capture, 103 

The Nimble Bank Note, 154 

The Question, 144 

The Rationalistic Chicken, 158 

Word Pyramid 132 



y 



'ART 



If 



i: 



x_ 



X 



Puzzles and Oddities. 



My First the heats of July pack 
"With rows of milk-pans down the back ; 
September fills them all with starch, 
And, though they neither drill nor march, 

Each has a warlike name : 
October plucks my honors off, 
And down I'm thrown to floor or trough ; 
Perchance the mill to powder turns 
Or smouldering fire to ashes burns 

My rough and useless frame. 

A weaver's loom my Second fills 
In dozens of tall cotton mills, 
Before the shuttle, o'er and through, 
Has thrown the filling straight and true, 

And made each ending fast. 
My "Whole a house in corners set, 
Has swung as long as time, and yet 
A trap for foolish folk shall swing, 
And lessons to the wiser bring, 

As long as time shall last. 

2. 

What is that which we often return, but never 
borrow ? 

3. 
Can you tell me of what parentage Napoleon the 
First was ? 

4. 
What was Joan of Are made of f 

5. 
Why ought stars to be the best Astronomers ? 



14 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 

6. 

What colors were the winds and the waves in the 
last violent storm ? 

7. 
In what color should a secret be kept % 

8. 
How do trees get at their summer dress without 
opening their trunks ? 

9. 
Why am I queerer than you % 

10. 

Mr. Premium took my First, and he wrote to Captain Smith, 
And said: "Sir, do my Second to my Third, forthwith." 
Now, Mr. P., you see, though a millionaire he be, 
Could not, without my Whole, have sent Captain Smith to sea. 

11. 

Two pronouns find, but mind they suit, 
And then between them "a — t" put: 
The combination quickly yields 
What may be seen on Scotland's fields. 
Now, for the first word, substitute 
Another pronoun that will "suit; , ' 
When this is done, 'twill bring to view 
What every day is seen by you. 

12. 

Me the contented man desires, 
The poor man has, the rich requires, 
The miser gives, the spendthrift saves, 
And all men axvry to their graves. 

13. 

A BUSINESS OSDEE. 
"J. Gray: 

Pack with my box five dozen quills." 
What is its peculiarity ? 



PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 15 

14. 
Those who have me not, do not wish for me ; those 
who have me, do not wish to lose me ; and those who 
gain me, have me no longer. 

15. 
Although Methusaleh was the oldest man that ever 
lived, yet he died before his father. 

16. 
If Moses was by adoption the son of Pharaoh's 
daughter, was he not, " by the same token,*' the 
daughter of Pharaoh's son f 

17. 
What is the best time to study the book of Nature % 

18. 
What is the religion of Nature in the spring ? 

19. 
There is an article of common domestic consumption, 
whose name contains six letters, from which may be 
formed twenty-two nouns, without using the plurals. 
What is it ! 

20. 
What word is that, of two syllables, to which if you 
prefix one letter, two letters, or two other letters, you 
form, in each instance, a word of one syllable ? 



21 
Le favorite 
spring of 1861 ? 



What was the favorite salad at the South, in the 



22. 

There was a thing, 'twas two days old 

Ere Adam was, of yore ; 
Before that thing was five weeks old, 

Adam was years four-score. 



10 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 

23. 

What's that which on four limbs doth move 

When first it sees the light 
But walks erect on two at noon, 

And creeps on three at night ? 

24. 
A sailor launched a ship of force, 
A cargo put therein, of course ; 
No goods had he he wished to sell ; 
Each wind did serve his turn as well ; 
To neither port nor harbor bound, 
His greatest wish to run aground. 

25. 

A merry maid, whose pleasant name 
Was my sweet First. Under a tree 
She sat, and sang my Third, as free 
As the wild crows, that without dread, 
My Second called above her head. 
Anon she turned, (with a last look 
Above, below.) unto her book — 

My Whole the author. Guess the same. 

26. 
The tliree most forcible letters in our alphabet 

27. 
The two which contain nothing ? 

28. 
The four which express great corpulence % 

29. 
The four which indicate exalted station ? 

30. 
The three which excite our tears % 

31. 
What foreign letter is an English title ? 



PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 17 

32. 
What foreign letter is a yard and a half long ? 

33. 
What letter will unfasten an Irish lock ? 

34. 
When was B the first letter of the alphabet, while 
E and O were the only vowels ? 

35. 
What letter is always more or less heavily taxed % 

36. 
What letter is entirely out of fashion % 

37. 
Why is praising people like a certain powerful 
opiate % 

38. 
Prove that a man has five feet. 

. 39. 
WHAT AM I? 
I was once the harbinger of good to prisoners. 
I add to the magnitude of a mighty river. 
I am a small portion of a large ecclesiastical body. 
I represent a certain form of vegetable growth. 
A term used by our Lord in speaking to His disciples. 
A subordinate part of a famous eulogy. 
I am made useful in connection with the Great 
Western Eailway. 

40. 

5005 El OOO E, 

5005E1000E. 
The name of a modern novel. 



18 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 

41. 

Two words in French are often spoken ; 

Of home and love the fondest token : 

But, strange to say it, one of these 

Is English, from beyond the seas; 

And. though the thing seems quite absurd, 

It means the same as t'other word. 

42. 

You fain would win fair Julia's heart — 

" Have I the power?" you'd ask her, 
But, .from your lips the words won't part — 

" Tis not an easy task, Sir !" 
" I know 'tis not, for one so shy." 

" Well, how shall I begin, Sir ?" 
" Be what you ask her," I reply, 

"And, ten to one, you'll win, Sir!" 

43. 
My First is company ; my Second shims company ; 
my Third calls together a company ; and my Whole 
entertains company. 

44. 

My First is a sound, of tranquillity telling, — 

A cozy and complaisant sound for your dwelling. 

A place which for criminals fittest is reckoned, 

Yet where saints find ineffable peace, is my Second. 

'Or, where niggardly natures, who hunger and thirst 

For the wealth of this world, keep their hearts, is my First ; 

While my Second's a measure you'll know at a glance, 

For 'tis shortest in Flanders, and longest in France. 

Oh ! my Whole is a name widely known, well beloved, 
A name blessed on earth, and in Heaven approved ; 
Crowned by Faith and G-ood Works with so holy a light 
That angels, themselves, thrill with joy at the sight. 

45. 
Dr. Whewell being asked by a young lady for his 
name " in cipher," handed her the following lines : 



PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 19 

You a 0, but I thee — 
Oil, no 0, but oh, me ; 
And 0, let my no go, 
But give 10 you so ! • 

46. 
Why was the execution of Charles the First volun- 
tary ou his part 1 

47. 
How is Poe's "Baven" shown to have been a very 
dissipated bird ? 

48. 
Set down four 9's so as to make one hundred. 

49. 
The cc 4 put 00000000. 
si 

50. 
John Doe to Eichard Koe, Dr. 

To 2 bronze boxes $3 00 

1 wooden do 1 50 

1 wood do 1 50 

This bill was canceled by the payment of $1:50. 
How? 

51. 

When was Cowper in debt ? 

52. 
What animal comes from the clouds 1 

53. 

My First is one of mystic three, 
Who go where goes true Liberty ; 
Sets with the sun, with him to rise, 
Lives in the flame and with it dies ; 
Fades with the leaf that earthward flies. 



20 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 

My Second cleaves the morning air, 
Floats through the evening still and fair; 
Now soars beyond the mountain crest, 
Now nutters downward to its rest. 
Now broods upon some hidden nest. 

My Whole long since the prairie trod, 
Now rests beneath the prairie-sod: 
Yet still upon the river "stands, 
And calls the stranger to the lands 
Which Eeminichia's * cliff commands. 

54. 
I saw a peacock with a fiery tail 
I saw a bla zing comet pour down hail 
I saw a cloud all wrapt with ivy 'round 
I saw a lofty oak creep on the ground 
I saw a beetle swallow up a whale 
I saw the foaming sea brimful of ale 
I saw a pewter cup sixteen feet deep 
T saw a well full of men's tears, that weep 
I saw wet eyes in flames of living fire 
I saw a house as high as the moon and higher 
I saw the glorious sun at deep midnight 
I saw the man who saw this wondrous sight ! 

An incredulous friend actually ventured to doubt 
the above plain statement of facts, but was soon con- 
vinced of its literal truth. 

55. 
Charles the First walked and talked half an hour 
after his head was cut off. 

56. 
At the time of a frightful accident, what is better 
than presence of mind ? 

57. 

Why was the year preceding 1871 the same as the 
year following it ? 

* Reminichia — overhanging the water — the Indian name of a hluff at the 
entrance of a certain Minnesota city. 



PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 21 

58. 

Why do " birds in their little nests agree f 

59. 
What did Io die of? 

60. 
Why did a certain farmer out West name his favor- 
ite rooster Bobinson ? 

61. 
How do sailors know there's a man in the moon % 

62. 
How do sailors know Long Island % 

63. 
What does a dog wear in warm weather, besides his 
collar % 

64. 

If you transpose what ladies wear, 
'Twill plainly show what bad men are : 
Again, if you transpose the same, 
You'll see an ancient Hebrew's name : 
Change it again and it will show, 
"What all on earth desire to do. 

65. 

Two brothers, wisely kept apart, 

Together ne'er employed ; 
Though to one purpose we are bent, 

Each takes a different side. 

To us no head nor mouth belongs, 

Yet plain our tongues appear ; 
With them we never speak a word, 

Without them, useless are. 

In blood and wounds we deal, yet good 

In temper we are proved ; 
From passion we are always free, 

Though oft with anger moved. 



22 



PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 



We travel much, yet prisoners are, 

And close confined, to boot ; 
Can with the swiftest horse keep pace, 

Yet always go on foot. 

66. 
Translate : 

Je suis capitaine de vingt-cinq soldats; et, sans inoi, 
Paris serait pris. 

67. 
Je suis ce que je suis, et je ne suis pas ce que je suis. 
Si j'etais ce que je suis, je ne serais pas ce que je suis. 



Mus cucurrit plenum sed 
Contra meum magnum ad ! 



Mens tuum ego ! 



70. 



The title of a book : Castra tintinnabula Poemata. 

r 

71. 
Motto on a Chinese box : Tu doces ! 



72. 

AAAAAA 



k 



'tlmi2y 



73. 
Translate : 

Quis crudus enim lectus, albus, et spiravit ! 

74. 
Ecrivez : " J'ai grand app^tit," en deux lettres. 



PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 23 

75. 

Monosyllabic I, and a reptile, I trow ; 

But, cut me in twain, I form syllables two. 

I'm English, I'm Latin, the one and the other ; 

And what's Latin for one half, is English for t'other. 

76. 

Ever running on my race, 
Never staying in one place, 
Through the world I make my tour 
Everywhere at the same hour. 
If you please to spell my name, 
Backward, forward, 'tis the same. 

77. 
In my First my Second sat; my Third and 
Fourth I ate ; and yet I was my Whole. 

78. 

Tonis Adresto Mare. 
Mare ! Eva si forma?, 

Eormse ure tonitru ; 
Iambicum as amandum, 

Olet Hymen promptu ! 
Mihi his vetas annas se, 

As humano erebi ; 
Olet mecum, mare,- to te, 

Or Eta Beta Pi. 

Alas, piano more meretrix ; 

Mi ardor vel uno, 
Inferiam ure artis base 

Tolerat me urebo. 
Ah me ! ve ara scilicet 

To laudu vimin thus : 
Hiatu as arandum sex — 

Illuc Ionicus ! 

Heu ! sed heu ! vixin, imago, 

Mi missis mare sta ! 
cantu redit in mihi 

Hibernus arida ? 



24 



PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 



Everi dafur heri si ; 

Mihi resolves indu ; 
Totius, olet Hymen cum 

Accepta tonitru ! 

79. 



From these five squares take three 



of the fifteen sides, and leave three squares. 




form parts. 



80. 



Divide this figure into four equal and uni- 



81. 

Four things there are all of a height, 
One of them crooked, the rest upright. 
Take three away, and you will find 
Exactly ten remains behind: 
But, if you cut the four in twain, 
You'll find one-balf doth eight retain. 

82. 
To divide eight gallons of vinegar equally between 
two i>ersons; using only an eight gallon, a five gallon, 
and a three gallon measure ? 

83. 
A certain miller takes " for toll" one tenth of the 
meal or flour he grinds. What quantity must he grind 
in order that a customer may have just a bushel of meal 
after the toll has been taken 1 



PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 25 

84. 

To prove that two are equal to one : 

Let x — a : Then, x' 2 = ax, 
x 2 — a 2 = ax — a 2 , 
(x -f- a) (x — a) — a (x — a), 
• a; -|- a = a, 
2a = a, 
2 = 1. Q. E. D. 

Where is the fallacy % 

85. 

As two Arabs, who had for sole provision, the one 
five, and the other three loaves of bread, were about 
to take their noonday meal in company, they were 
joined by a stranger who proposed to purchase a third 
part of their food. In payment he gave them, when 
their repast was finished, eight pieces of silver, and 
they, unable to agree as to the division of the sum 
referred the matter to the nearest Oadi, who gave 
seven pieces to the owner of the five loaves, and but 
one piece to the owner of the three loaves. And the 
Oadi was right. 

86. 
A man went to a store and bought a pair of boots 
for six dollars. He put down a ten dollar bill, and the 
merchant having no change, sent for it to a neighbor- 
ing bank, and gave it to him. Later in the day one of 
the bank clerks came in to say that the ten dollar bill 
was a bad one, and insisted that the merchant should 
make it right, which he did. Now, how much did he 
lose by the whole transaction ? 

87. 
A man bought twelve herrings for a shilling ; some 
were two pence apiece, some a halfpenny, and some a 
farthing. How many did he buy of each kind f 



26 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 



My First is the last of me ; 
My Second is not so much ;' 
And my Whole is entirely destitute of my First. 

89. 

There is a word of plural number, 
A foe to peace and tranquil slumber ; 
Now, any word you chance to take, " 
Adding an s will plural make ; 
But if you add an s to this, 
How strange the metamorphosis ! 
Plural is plural then no more, 
And sweet what bitter was before. 

0. 

" Charge, Chester, charge! On, Stanley, on!" 

Were the last words of Marmion. 

Had I been in Stanley's place, 

When Marmion urged him to the chase, 

You then would very soon descry, 

What brings a tear to every eye. 

91. 

My First, if you do, will increase ; 

My Second will keep you from Heaven, 
My Whole — such is human caprice — 

Is seldom er taken than given. 

92. 
When may a man reasonably complain of Ms coffee ? 

93. 
Why does a duck put her head under water ? 

94. 
Why does she take it out again % 

95. 
In what terms does Shakespeare allude to the mud- 
diness of the river on which Liverpool lies % 



PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 27 



If the K mt put : If the K . putting : 



So said one, but another replied : How can I put : 
when there is such a-der ? 

97. 
Why is a man who never bets, as bad as one who 
bets habitually ? 

98. 
When is a bonnet not a bonnet ? 

99. 

Twice ten are six of us ; 

Six are but three : 
Nine are but four of us ; 

What can we be ? 
"Would you know more of us ? 

I'll tell you more ; 
Seven are five of us, 

Five are but four ! 

100. 

As I was going to St. Ives' 
I met seven wives ; 

Each wife had seven sacks, 
Each sack had seven cats, 
Each cat had seven kits, — 
Kits, cats, sacks and wives, 
How many were going to St. Ives' ? 

101. 
Helen, after sitting an hour, dressed for a walk, at 
length set out alone, leaving the following laconic note 
for the friend who, she had expected, would accompany 
her: 2 p. 

102. 

Come and commiserate one who was blind, 
Helpless and desolate, void of a mind ; 



28 



PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 



Guileless, deceiving ; though unbelieving, 

Free from all sin. 

By mortals adored, still I ignored 

The world I was in. 

King Ptolemy's, Caesar's, and Tiglath Pilezer's 

Birth days are shown ; 

Wise men, astrologers, all are acknowledgers, 

Mine is unknown. 

I never had father or mother 

Alive at my birth. 

Lodged in a palace, taunted by malice, 

I did not inherit by lineage or merit, 

A spot on the earth. 

Nursed among pagans, no one baptized me, 

Sponsor I had, who ne'er catechised me ; 

She gave me the name to her heart that was dearest; 

She gave me the place to her bosom was nearest ; 

But one look of kindness she cast on me never, 

Nor word of my blindness I heard from her ever. 

Encompassed by strangers, naught could alarm me; 

I saved, I destroyed, I blessed, I alloyed; 

Kept a crown for a prince, but had none of my own ; 

Filled the place of a king, but ne'er had a throne ; 

Kescued a warrior, baffled a plot ; 

Was what I seemed not, seemed what I was not ; 

Devoted to slaughter, a price on my head, 

A king's lovely daughter watched by my bed. 

How gently she dressed me, fainting with fear! 

She never caressed me, nor wiped off a tear ; 

Ne'er moistened my lips, though parched and dry, 

What marvel a blight should pursue and defy ? 

'Twas royalty nursed me wretched and poor : 

'Twas royalty cursed me in secret, I'm sure. 

I lived not, I died not, but tell you I must, 

That ages have passed since I first turned to dust. 

This paradox whence ? this squalor, this splendor ? 

Say, was I king, or silly pretender? 

Fathom the mystery, deep injny history — 

Was I a man ? 

An angel supernal, a demon infernal ? 

Solve it who can. 



PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 29 

103. 

A blind beggar had a brother. This blind beggar's 
brother went to sea and was drowned. But the man 
that was drowned had no brother. What relation to 
him, then, was the blind beggar ? 

104. 

Two brothers were walking together down the street, 
and one of them, stopping at a certain house, knocked 
at the door, observing : " I have a niece here, who is 
ill." "Thank Heaven," said the other, "I have no 
niece!" and he walked away. Now, how could that 
be? 

105. 

" How is that man related to you V 7 asked one gen- 
tleman of another. . 

" Brother or sister I have none, 
But that man's father was my father's son." 

106. 
Describe a cat's clothing botanically. 

107. 
What is that which boys and girls have once in a 
life-time, men and women never have, and Mt. Par- 
nassus has twice in one place ? 

108. 
Why is the highest mountain in Wales always white ? 

109. 
To what two cities of Massachusetts should little 
boys go with their boats 1 

110. 

There kneels in holy St. Cuthbert's aisles 
No holier Father than Father Giles : 
Matins or Vespers, it matters not which, 
He is ever there like a saint in his niche : 



30 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 

Morning and midnight his Missal he reads, 
Midnight and morning he tells his beads. 

Wide-spread the fame of that Holy man ! 
Potent his blessing, and dreaded his ban : 
Wondrous the marvels his piety works 
On unbelieving heathen, and infidel Turks, 
But strangest of all is the power he is given 
To turn maidens' hearts to the. service of Heaven, 

St. Ursula's Prioress comes to-day, 

At holy St. Cuthbert's shrine to pray, 

She comes with an offering ; she comes with a prayer ; 

For she leads to the altar the Lady Clare. 

Mary Mother ! how fair a maid 

To yield the world for the cloister's shade! 

She yields, to-morrow, her gold and lands 
For the Church's use, to the Church's hands, 
Renounces the world, with its pleasures and wiles, 
And to-day she confesses to Father G-iles : 
Slight is the penance, 1 ween, may atone 
For all of sin she hath ever known ! 

" Daughter ! since last thou didst kneel for grace, 
Hath peace in thy heart found a dwelling-place ? 
From thy breast hast thou banished each idle thought? 
Save thy spirit's weal hast thou pined for naught ?" 
Moist is her kerchief, and drooped her head, 
But my First is all that poor Clara said. 

" Daughter! thy cheek hath grown pale and thin — 

Is thy spirit pure and chastened within ? 

Gone from thy voice is its ancient mirth ? 

Are thy sighs for Heaven ? Thy tears for earth ?" 

For earth are her sighs, yet poor Clara knows 

My Second no more than the spring's first rose ! 

Why doth he tremble, that holy man, 

At eye so sad, and at cheek so wan ? 

Less burning the tears, less bitter the sighs 

Heaven asks from its willing votaries ! 

And, alas ! when my All weeps as Clara weeps, 

Holy Church gaineth more than she ofttimes keeps ! 



PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 31 

111. 

NOTABLE NAMES. 

One name that means such fiery things 
I can't describe their pains and stings. 

112. 

Red as an apple, or black as night : 
A heavenly sign, or a " perfect fright." 

113. 

Place an edible grain 'twixt an ant and a bee, 
And the well-beloved name of a poet you'll see. 

114. 

Each human head, in time, 'tis said, 
Will turn to him, though he is dead. 

115. 

A little more 

Than a sandy shore. 

116. 

The dearest, " sweetest, spot on earth to me," 
And, just surpassing it, a name you'll see. 

117. 
A head-dress. 

118. 

Inclining to one of the four parts of the compass. 

119. 
A mineral and a chain of hills. 

120. 
A metal, and a worker in metals. 

121. 
A sound made by an insect ; and a fastening. 

122. 
A sound made by an animal ; and a fastening. 



32 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 

123. 

A sound made by an animal, and a measure of 
length. 

124. 

A Latin noun and a measure of quantity. 

125. 
A bodily pain. 

126. 
The value of a word. 

127. 
A manufactured metal. 

128. 
To agitate a weapon. 

129. 
A domestic animal, and what she cannot do. 

130. 
Which is the greater poet, William Shakespeare or* 
John Dryden ? 

131. 

A barrier before an edible ; a barrier built of an 

edible. 

132. 

. One-fourth of the earth's surface, and a preposition. 

133. 
One-fourth of the earth's surface, aud a conjunction. 

134. 
A song j to follo^ the chase. 

135. 
A solid fence, a native of Poland. 

136. 
An incessant pilgrim ; fourteen pounds weight. 



PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 33 

137. 

A quick succession of small sounds. 

138. 
Obsolete past participle of a verb meaning to illu- 
minate. 

139. 
A carriage, a liquid, a narrow passage. 

140. 
To prosecute, and one who is guarded. 

141. 
A letter withdraws from a name to make it more 

brilliant. 

142. 
A letter withdraws from a name and tells you to 
talk more. 

143. 
Why is a man who lets houses, likely to have a good 
many cousins ? 

144. 
What relation is the door-mat to the door-step ? 

145. 
What is it that gives a cold, cures a cold, and pays 
the doctor's bill? 

146. ^/ 

What is brought upon the table, and cut but never 
eaten ? 

147. 
What cord is that which is full of knots which no 
one can untie, and in which no one can tie another % 

148. 
What requires more philosophy than taking things 
as they come ? 

149. 
What goes most against a farmer's grain % 



34 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 

150. 

Which of Shakespeare's characters killed most poul- 
try? 

151. 

THE BISHOP OF OXFORD'S RIDDLE. 

I have a large box, 1 two lids, 2 two caps, 3 two musi- 
cal instruments, 4 and a large number of articles which 
a carpenter cannot dispense with. 5 I have always 
about me a couple of good fish, 6 and a great num- 
ber of small size : 7 two lofty trees, 8 and four branches 
of trees; 9 some fine flowers, 10 and the fruit of an in. 
digenous plant. 11 I have two playful animals, 12 and 
a vast number of smaller ones ; 13 also, a fine stag, 14 and 
a number of whips without handles. 15 

I have two halls or places of worship, 16 some wea- 
pons of warfare, 17 and innumerable weather-cocks : 18 
the steps of a hotel; 19 the House of Commons on the 
eve of a division; 20 two students or scholars, 21 and 
ten Spanish gentlemen to wait upon their neighbors. 22 

To these may be added, a rude bed ; a the highest 
part of a building ; b a roadway over water; leaves of 
grass ; d a pair of rainbows ; e a boat ; f a stately pillar ;? 
a part of a buckle ; h several social assemblies j 1 part of 
the equipments of a saddle-horse ; j a pair of imple- 
ments matched by another pair of implements much 
used by blacksmiths ; 3 several means of fastening. 1 * 

152. 

Be thou my First in study or in play, 

Through all the sunny hours which make the day. 

Go to my Second, and do not despise 

Her useful teachings, wonderful and wise: 

Yet, for this purpose, never be my Whole, 

Nor seek to wander from a wise control. 



TUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 35 

153. 

Be sure you do my First, whene'er you see 
My Second iu the garden or the tree ; 
But set my Whole upon the open plain 
If you would have a plenteous crop of grain. 

154. 

My First is a house men love to view; 

My Second you do when you fasten your shoe ; 

My Third is one of a loving two ; 

My Whole I fain would be with you. 

155. 

1. A common fish, or an Eastern bay ; 

2. Part of a visage, or self to say ; 

3. The lowest part ol window or door; 
Whole. The end of a will that was made before. 

156. 

I have a little friend who possesses something very 
precious. It is a piece of workmanship of exquisite 
skill, and was said by our Blessed Saviour to be an 
object of His Father's peculiar care ; yet it does not 
display the attribute of either benevolence or compas- 
sion. If its possessor were to lose it, no human inge- 
nuity could replace it; and yet, speaking generally, it 
is very abundant. It was first given to Adam in 
Paradise, along with his beautiful Eve, though he 
previously had it in his possession. 

It will last as long as the world lasts, and yet it is 
destroyed every day. It lives in beauty after the 
grave has closed over mortality. It is to be found in 
all parts of the earth, while three distinct portions of 
it exist in the air. It is seen on the field of carnage, 
yet it is a bond of affection, a token of amity, a pledge 
of pure love. It was the cause of death to one famed 
for beauty and ambition. I have only to add that it 
has been used as a napkin and a crown, and that it 
appears like silver after long exposure to the air. 



36 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 

157. 

Wlieii the king found that his money was nearly 
all gone, and that he really must live more economi- 
cally, he decided on sending away most of his wise 
men. There were some hundreds of them — very fine 
old men, and magnificently dressed in green velvet 
gowns with gold buttons. If they had a fault, it was 
that they always contradicted each other when he 
asked their advice — and they certainly ate and drank 
enormously. So, on the whole, he was rather glad to 
get rid of them. But there was an old lay which he 
did not dare to disobey, which said there must 
always be : 

" Seven blind of both eyes ; 
Ten blind of one eye ; 
Five that see with, both eyes ; 
Nine that see with one eye." 

Query : How many did he keep! 

158. 
Why are not Lowell, Holmes, and Saxe the wittiest 
poets in America ! 

159. 
Why did they call William Cullen Bryant, Cullen ! 

160. 
Why do we retain only three hundred and twenty- 
five days in our year f 

161. 
What seven letters express actual presence in this 
place j and, without transposition, actual absence from 
every place ? 

162.' 
Is Florence, (Italy,) on the Tiber ? If not, on what 
river does it lie ? Answer both questions in one word. 



PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 37 

163. 

Is there a word in our language which answers this 
question, and contains all the vowels ? 

164. 
What is it that goes up the hill ; and down the hill, 
and never moves ? 

165. 
What 'bus has found room for the greatest number 
of people ? 

166. 
In describing a chance encounter with your doctor, 
what kind of a philosopher do you name 1 

167. 

My First is of my Second made, 
• And holds within its ample bound, 
The grosser things of human trade, 

From half a ton to half a pound . 
But mostly from a barren isle, 

Named from the land of Bajazet, 
Where tropic sunbeams fiercely smile, 

It brings a crystalled muriate. 

But, in the land of Moslem mosque, 

Of cool sherbet, and scimitar, 
Of harem dark and fair kiosk, 

It hath an office fouler far 
Than e'en the headsman's sinecure : 

For slighted loves and jealousies 
It finds a never-failing cure 

Deep in the dark Borysthenes. 

The fleecy flocks on Scotia's hills ; 

The snow-crowned plant on Georgia's soil, 
The Linum with its pale blue bells, 

My Second yield to human toil. 
To shelter from the sun and storm, 

It hangs in most unseemly shape 
Around the beggar's shriveled form ; 

Or tits a dandy, or an ape. 
3 



38 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 

The gentle Rizpah, when the ire 

Of Gibeon poured its bloody gall, 
Did to the courts of Death retire 

To watch the murdered sons of Saul: 
More truly great was Aiah's child, 

As on my "Whole she sat alone, 
To fright the wolf and vulture wild, 

Than coward Saul upon his throne. 

And ever — sj^mbol dark of doom, 

A type of deep humility — 
My Whole speaks of the fearful tomb, 

The coffin, shroud, and cypress tree ; 
Save in the far-off Orient, 

Where Light's own spotless color 
Is with the tears of mourners blent, 

And made the type of dolor. 

168. 
What physician stands at the top of his profession % 

169. 
Would you rather an elephant killed you, or a 
gorilla ? 

170. 
Why is an amiable and charming girl like one letter 
deep in thought, another on its way toward you 
another bearing a torch, and another slowly singing 
psalms ? 

171. 
Why is Emma, in a sorrowful mood, one of a certain 
sect of Jews ? 

172. 

"Why is she, always, one of another sect ? 

173. 
What English writer Avould have been a successful 
angler % 



PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 39 

174, 

What is that which you and every living man have 
seen, but can never see again ? 

175. 
Which is the strongest day in the week % 

176. 

Come from my First, aye, come ! 

The battle dawn is nigh ; 
And the screaming trump, and the thundering drum 

Are calling thee to die. 
Fight as thy fathers fought, 

Fall as thy fathers fell ; 
Thy task is taught, thy shroud is wrought ; 

So, forward ! and farewell ! 

Toll ye my Second, toll ! 

Fling high the flambeau's light ; 
And sing the hymn for the parted soul 

Beneath the silent night. 
The wreath upon his head, 

The cross upon his breast, 
Let the prayer be said, and the tear be shed, 

So, take him to his rest ! 

Call ye my Whole, aye, call 

The lord of lute and lay ; 
And let him greet the sable pall 

With a noble song to-day. 
Go, call him by his name ; 

No fitter hand may crave 
To light the flame of a soldier's fame 

On the turf of a soldier's grave. 

177. 

Oh, gloomy, gloomy, is my First 

To all who step within ! 
But doubly gloomy to the one 

Who dwells there for his sin. 



40 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 

Oh, silent, silent, are the tongues 
Of those who are my Next ! 

Oh, never be unkind to them, 
Or with their failings vexed. 

Oh, kindly fall sweet pity's words 
Upon the outcast's heart! 

My Whole will tell how oft they come 
Their blessing to impart. 

178. 

What a common man often sees ; 
What a king or emperor seldom sees ; 
What G-OD never sees ? 

179. 

A shining wit pronounced, of late, 
That every acting magistrate 
Is water in a freezing state. 

180. ' 

I'm rough, I'm smooth, I'm wet, I'm dry; 
My station low, my title high ; 
The king my lawful master is, — 
I'm used by all, though only his. 

181. 

My First's a stream in classic land ; 
My Second all well understand 
Who traveled much by public aid 
Ere steam ingenious man obeyed. 

My First, when cut in two again, 
Has part in shedding light 'mong men ; 
My Second, though 'tis no disgrace, 
Writes wrinkles on the human face. 

My Whole is not of recent birth, 
But something proved of real worth, 
Whose task is to facilitate 
The movements of the Ship of State. 



PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 41 

182. 

I am a king ; my palace low, yet rule I with extensive sway ; 
Great kings had Egypt long ago, but yet I reigned before their day ; 
To epicures my reign I owe more than to any other thing — 
Though guillotine I undergo, it keeps me not from being king. 
With head cut off, T am a king ; with neck cut off and head left on, 
I will be king : yes ! I'll be king though head and neck should both be 

gone. 
Tf head and foot I both should lose, a blood relation you'd espy ; 
For, then, a kin I would disclose : now tell, I pray, what king am I ? 

183. 

My Fikst is in the cornfield seen ; 

My Secoxd in the hedges green ; 

My "Whole from glossy vines you glean. 

184. 
What is the smallest room in the world % 

185. 
What is often found where it does not exist ? 

186. 
What is that which is lengthened by being cut at 
both ends % 

187. 
When do your teeth usurp the functions of your 
tongue % 

188. 
What word is that to which if you add one syllable, 
it will be shorter ? 

189. 
What is that which is lower with a head than with- 
out one % 

190. 
What vice is that which people shun if they are 
ever so bad ? 

191. 
Which travels at greater speed, heat or cold ? 



42 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 

192. 

My First hath teeth, yet 'tis no man ; 
It hath no hands, yet work it can. 
My Next hath teeth, for 'tis a man, 
Or 'tis an herb dried on a pan. 
My Whole hath no teeth : 'tis no man, 
'Tis eaten oft by all his clan. 

193. 

A maid sat sewing in castle hall, 

Near an arching window in the wall ; 

And again and again her song she rehearsed 

As she placed on her lover's kerchief my First, 

For her lover was coming from foreign land 

To give her his heart, and to claim her hand. 

Ah ! in foreign dungeon her lover lay, 
"Where stone on stone shut out every ray. 
He never the hand of the maiden would clasp ; 
He was held by my Second's iron grasp. 

"With feverish thirst he calls for drink — 
Ere long he hears the rattle and clink 
Of the jailer's keys, as he brings the cup, 
And bids the prisoner drink it up. 

Eagerly, quickly, he slakes his thirst. 
Heaven pity the maid! In that draught accurst, 
Is mingled my Whole; and, with failing breath, 
The doomed man sinks in the arms of death. 

194. 

A word I am of letters seven, 
A name to noble women given; 
Take three away, (the last I mean,) 
And I'm a man fit for a queen ; 
Eemove one more, and, lo! you'll see 
That I my former sex will be ; 
Another drop, and two remain 
Which tell I am a man again. 



PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 43 

195. 

No rose can boast a lovelier hue 
Than I can when my birth is new : 
Of shorter date than e'en that flower, 
I bloom and fade within an hour. 
Though some in me their honor place, 
I bear the stigma of disgrace ; 
Like Marplot, eager to reveal 
The secret I would fain conceal. 
Fools, coxcombs, wits, agree in this, 
They equally destroy my peace ; 
Though 'gainst my will to stoop so low, 
At their command I come and go. 

196. 
When a blind man drank tea, how did he manage 
to see? 

197. 
Why is a mouse like grass % 

198. 
What is the key-note of good breeding ! 

199. 
What is the typical " Yankee's " key-note 1 

200. 
If you were on the second floor of a burning house 
and the stairs were away, how would you escape % 

201. 

My First is nothing but a name ; 

My Second still more small ; 
My Whole is of so little fame, 

It has no name at all. 

202. 
A carpenter made a door and made it too large ; he 
cut it again and cut it too little ; he cut it again and 
made it fit. 



44 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 

203. 

A wagoner, being asked of what his load consisted, 
made the following (rather indirect) reply : 

Three-fourths of a cross, and a circle complete; 
An upright, where two semi-circles do meet; 
A right-angled triangle standing on feet ; 
Two semi-circles, and a circle complete. 

What is it? 
204. 
Why need people never suffer from hunger on such 
a desert as Sahara ? 

207. 
How do the arks used for freight on the Mississippi 
Biver, differ from Noah's Ark % 

208. 
In what order did Noah leave the Ark ? 

209. 
What is Majesty deprived of its externals % 

210. 

Dreaming of apples on a wall, 

And dreaming often, dear, 
I dreamed that if I counted all, 

How many would appear ? 

211. 

What is most like a bee in May ? 

" Well, let me think: perhaps — " you say ; 

Bravo ! you're guessing well to-day. 

212. 

Three sisters at breakfast were feeding the cat; 
The first gave it sole: Puss was grateful for that; 
The next gave it salmon, which Puss thought a treat; 
The third gave it herring, which Puss wouldn't eat. 

(Explain the conduct of the cat.) 



PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 45 

213. 

John went out ; his dog went with him $ he went not 
before, behind, or on one side of him $ then where did 
he go ? 

214. 

If spectacles could speak to their wearers, what 
ancient writer would they name ? 

215. 

Part of a foot with judgment transpose, 

And the answer you'll find just under your nose. 

216. 

A feeling all persons detest, 

Although nearly by every one felt ; 

By two letters fully expressed, 
By twice two invariably spelt. 

217. 
My First implies equality ; my Second is the title 
of a foreign nobleman ; and my Whole is asked and 
given a hundred times a day with equal in difference; 
yet is of so much importance that it has saved the 
lives of thousands. 

POSITIVES AND COMPARATIVES. 
218. 

Where runs the land far out into the sea, 
The children shout and frolic in their glee. 

219. 

Among the singers half a score were found, 
But not a voice so sweet as his in sound. 

220. 

He vowed he never would forgive, 
Though twice two years and more he lived. 

221. 

The noble tree spread out its mighty arms, 
Above the house bedecked in painted charms. 
3* 



46 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 

222. 

He planted there his wheat and corn, 
WJiile birds flew high in early morn. 

223. 

He paid the lawyer when the suit was won, 
Glad that his dread of sad defeat was done. 

224. 

The timid creature wildly looking 'round, 
Shrinks back in deadly terror from the sound. 

225. 

He vowed to prosecute, because 
A neighboring drain unsavory was. 



How would the Teuton manage to exist, 
If this enchanting beverage he missed ? 

227. 

How delightful 'twould be to recline at your ease, 
And list to the harp, with its rare melodies ! 

228. 

A gay young man, without ideas, 

Oft wearies where he fain would please. 

229. 

Famed more for genius than good looks ; 
I went there to procure her books. 

230. 

The broad expanse, denied his waking sight, 
He saw in visions both by day and night. 

231. 

It brought the miser to his grave ; 
Even his strong box could not save. 

232. 

1. Because he will not work for one, 
2. The other he will be. 



PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 47 

233. 

1. The ship came gaily sailing in ; 
2. Now who so strong as he ? 

234. 

1. If hungry, you may have it all ; 
2. A funeral pile, you see ; 

235. 

1. Drive home your ball, and come and eat 
2. The cakes prepared for tea. 

236. 

1. While the poet sang his ; ' Farewell, thou sweet river !" 

2. It roamed in forests near, as wild and free as ever. 

237. 

1. Add sugar, more sugar ! His grimaces see ! 

2. Swift rider, bold robber, fierce savage is he. 

238. 

1. Hand the beverage 'round, adding cream as you go, 

2. From the uppermost, down to the lowermost, row. 

POSITIVES, COMPARATIVES, SUPERLATIVES. 
239. 
Pos., A pronoun; Com., A period of time; Sup.. 
Fermenting froth. 

240. 
Pos., A knot of ribbon; Com., An animal; Sup.. 
Self-praise. 

241. 

Pos., A reward; Com., Dread ; Sup., A festival. 

242. 
Pos., To reward ; Com., A fruit ; Sup., An adhesive 
mixture. 

243. 
Pos., A meadow; Com., An unfortunate king; Su 
The smallest. 



48 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 

244. 

'Pos., In a regular line ; 
Com., With an appetite fine ; 
Sup., 'Twill be done when we dine. 

245. 

Pos., Busy, noisy, and cheerful. 

Com., The thought of it saddening and tearful ; 

Sup., Its roar and its fierce claws are fearful. 

246. 

Pos., The end of all time ; 
Com., Judge of music and rhyme ; 
Sup., The Orient clime. 

247. 

Pos., Denotes a bond or tie; 

Com., In the centre it doth lie ; 

Sup., The billows break on it and die. 

248. 
Pos., An American genius ; Com., To turn out or to 
flow ; Sup., An office, an express, a place, a piece of 

timber. 

249. 

Pos., To depart ; Com., To wound ; Sup., A visible 

spirit. 

250. 

Pos., Pleasant, dreary, wet or dry ; 
Com., If 'tis light or heavy, try, 

On your scales, before you buy ; 
Sup., Don't spend money foolishly ! 

_ 251. 

A gentleman who had sent to a certain city for a car- 
load of fuel, wrote thus to his nephew residing there : 
" Dear Nephew 

Uncle John." 






PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 49 

Presently he received the following reply : 
" Dear Uncle 

James." 
252. 
Why is a man up stairs, stealing, like a perfectly 
honorable man? 

253. 
Why is a ship twice as profitable as a hen f 

254. 

Why can you preserve fruit better by canning it, 
than in any other way 1 

255. 

Twelve kinds of things in fact, not fiction, 
Behind a veil of contradiction. 



All dressed in silk, with stately grace, 

"We stand with ready ears, 
And yet the sounds that greet the place 

Not one among us hears. 1 
We're keen and quick our holes to find 

And run in lively mood, 
And yet we're footless quite and blind, 

Although our eyes are good. 2 
Our perfect heads can't give us sense, 

Though we are naught without them ; 3 
Our useful tongues are mere pretense — 

No talk or taste about them. 4 
Our locks though fine can ne'er be combed ; 5 

Our teeth can never bite ; 6 
Our mouths from out our heads have roamed, 

And oft outgrow them quite. 7 
Our hearts no pity have, or joy, 

Yet they're our richest worth ; 8 
Our hands ne'er waved at girl or boy, 

Or anything on earth. 9 



50 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 

Alive are we, yet buried quite ; 

Our trust is in our eyes ; 
They help us out through darkest night, 

Though sight stern fate denies. 10 
We sally forth when day is done, 

And set the owls a-hooting, 
And, though we have no bow or gun, 

"We often go a-shooting. 1 1 
Our souls, alas ! are dull and low, 

Down-trodden, from the start; 
Yet who shall say, in weal or wo, 

They're not our better part V 2 

256. 

Within this world a creature once did dwell, 
As sacred writings unto us do tell, 
Who never shall be doomed to Satan's home, 
Nor unto G-od's celestial Kingdom come ; 
Yet in him was a soul that either must 
Suffer in Hell, or reign among the just. 

257. 
What best describes, and most impedes, a pilgrim's 
progress % 

258. 
Why is a girl not a noun % 

259. 
What part of their infant tuition have old maids 
and old bachelors most profited by % 

260. 
What is that which never asks any questions, and 
yet requires many answers % 

261. 
What quadrupeds are admitted to balls, operas, and 
dinner-parties % 

262. 
If a bear were to go into a linen-draper's shop, what 
would he want ? 



PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 51 

263. 

When does truth cease to be truth u ? 

264. 
How many dog-stars are there ? 

265. 
What is worse than raining cats and dogs f 

266. 
Why is O the only vowel that can be heard ? 

267. 
Why is a man that has no children invisible ? 

268. 
What is it which has a mouth, and never speaks ; a 
bed, and never sleeps ? 

269. 
Which burns longer, a wax or sperm candle ? 

270. 
Why is a watch like an extremely modest person ! 

271. 

Lord Macatjlat's Last Riddle. 
Let us look at it quite closely, 

'Tis a very ugly word, 
And one that makes me shudder 

Whenever it is heard. 
It mayn't be very wicked ; 

It must be always bad, 
And speaks of sin and suffering- 
Enough to make one mad. 
They say it is a compound word, 

And that is very true ; 
And, when they decompose it, 

(Which, of course, they're free to do) — 
If, of the letters they take off 

And sever the first three, 




52 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 

They leave the nine remaining 

As sad as they can be : 
For, though it seems to make it less, 

In fact it makes it more, 
For it takes the brute creation in, 

Which it left out before. 
Let's try if we can mend it — 

It's possible we may, 
If only we divide it 

In some new-fashioned way, 
Instead of three and nine, then, 

Let's make it four and eight ; 
You'll say it makes no difference, 

At least not very great: 
But only see the consequence ! 

That's all that needs be done 
To change this mass of sadness 

To iinmitigated fun. 
It clears off swords and pistols, 

Revolvers, bowie-knives, 
And all the horrid weapons 

By which men lose their lives ; 
It wakens holier feelings — 
And how joyfully is heard 

The native sound of gladness 
Compressed into one word ! 
Yes ! four and eight, my friends ! 

Let that be yours and mine, 
Though all the hosts of demons 

Rejoice in three and nine. 

272. 

A word by grammarians used in our tongue, 
Of such a construction is seen, 

That if, from five syllables one is removed, 
No syllable then will remain. 

273. 

Formed long ago, yet made to-day, 
I'm most in use when others sleep 

"What few would like to give away, 
And none would like to keep. 



I 



PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 53 

274. 

A lady was asked " What is Josh Billings' real 
name ? What do you think of his writings V How 
did she answer both questions by one word % 

275. 
Why is Mr. Jones 7 stock-farm, carried on by his 
boys, like the focus of a burning-glass ? 

A m - 

n by <. The name of a book, and of its author. 

277. 
What word in the English language contains the 
six vowels in alphabetical order I 

278. 
If the parlor fire needs replenishing, what hero of 
history could you name in ordering a servant to at- 
tend to it ? 

27°. 
My First is an insect, my Second a quadruped, 
and my Whole has no real existence. 

280. 
If the roof of the Tower of London should blow off, 
what two names in English history would the upper- 
most rooms cry out ? 

281. 
My First. 
In the glance of the sun, when the wild birds sing, 
I start in my beauty to gladden the spring ; 
I weep at the morning marriage, and smile 
On the evening tomb, though I die the while. 

My Second. 
I wander ; I sin ; though a breath may make 
All my frame an effeminate nature take, 
And a manly dignity that, as well, 
Can of mastery and lordship tell. 



54 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 

My Whole. 
I have startled the world to jeering and mirth, 
Since that, earthly, I dared to withdraw from the earth ; 
But I stay, though cut off in my prime, far more 
Enlivening and life-full than ever before. 

282. 

One hundred and one by fifty divide, 

Then, if you add naught to the right or left side, 

The result will be one out of nine — have you tried ? 

283. 
I am composed of five letters. As I stand, I am a 
river in Virginia, and a fraud. Beheaded, I am one 
of the sources of light and growth. Beheaded again, 
I sustain life ; again, and I am a preposition. Omit 
my third, and I am a domestic animal in French, and 
the delight of social intercourse in English. Trans- 
pose my first four, and I become what may attack 
your head, if it is a weak one, in your efforts to find 
me out. 

284. 

Unto a certain numeral one letter join — sad fate ! 
What first was solitary, you now annihilate. 

285. 

My First was heard to " hurtle in the sky, 
When foes in conflict met in olden time ; 

My Second none can yield without a sigh, 
Though it has oft been forfeited by crime ; 

My Whole, its ancient uses gone, is found 

On sunny uplands, or in forest ground. 

286. 

Can you tell me why 
A hypocrite's eye 
Can better descry 
Than you can, or I, 
Upon how many toes 
A pussy-cat goes ? 



PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 55 

287. 

"Walked on earth, 
Talked on earth, 

Boldly rebuked sin ; 
Never in Heaven, 
Never in Hell, 

Never can enter in. 

288. 
There is a certain natural production that is neither 
animal, vegetable, Dor mineral : it exists from two to 
six feet from the surface of the earth ; it has neither 
length, breadth, nor substance; is neither male nor 
female, though it is found between both ; it is often 
mentioned in the Old Testament, and strongly recom- 
mended in the New ; and it answers equally the pur- 
poses of fidelity and treachery. 

289. 

We are little airy creatures, 

All of different voice and features : 

One of us in glass is set ; 

One of us is found in jet ; 

One of us is set in tin ; 

One a lump of gold within : 

If the last you should pursue, 

It can never fly from you. 

290. 

My First is a point, my Second a span ; 

In my Whole often ends the greatness of man. 

291. 

Wherever English land 

Touches the pebbly shore, 
My First lies on the sand, 

Changing forevermore. 
My Second oft, I'm told, 

State secrets will hold fast, 
But, to a key of gold 

'Tis known to yield at last. 



56 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 

Pond mother, tender wife, 

With agonizing soul, — 
The exile, sick of life, — 

Have looked and sighed my Whole. 

292. 

I begin with a thousand, I end with a hundred ; 

My middle's a thousand again ; 
The third of all vowels, the ninth of all letters, 

Take their place in the rest of the train : 
My Whole is a thing you never should do, — 
At least, you don't like it, if tried upon you ! 

293. 

A word which always speaks of shame 
I pray you, reader, now to name : 
Eleven parts my whole contains, 
To guess them you must take some pains. 

Three groups there be which stand related ; 
The first with many a word is mated : 
The second speaks of favor rare ; 
The third of plenty everywhere. 

Cut off the first ; and shameful grows 
As fair as any garden rose ; 
Cut off the last, and lo ! 'tis plain, 
The word is full of shame again. 

294. 
The eldest of four brothers did a sound business ; 
the second, a smashing business; the third, a light 
business ; and the youngest, the most wicked business. 
What were they ? 

295. 

Cut off my head, and singular I am, 

Cut off my tail, and plural I appear ; 
Cut off both head and tail, wondrous fact ! 

My middle part remains, though naught is there. 






PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 57 

What is my head cut off ? A sounding sea. 

What is my tail cut off ? A roaring river. 
Far in the ocean's depths I fearless play ; 

Giver of sweetest sounds, yet mute forever. 

296. 

I'm a creature most active, most useful, most known, 
Of the thousands who daily perambulate town. 
Take from me one letter, and still you will see 
I'm the same as I was ; just the same, to a T. 
Take two letters from me, take three, or take four, 
And still I remain just the same as before : 
Indeed I may tell you, although you take all 
You cannot destroy me, or change me at all. 

297. 

My First is up at break of day, 

And makes a welcome voice heard, 
And goes to bed in twilight gray, 

Though neither child nor song-bird. 

My Second's known to tongue and pen ; 

Is fast to all the church walls, 
Is always seen in nurseries, 

And often when the snow falls. 

In green and yellow always dight, 

Though melancholy never, 
My Whole shines bright with golden light, 

And emerald, forever. 

298. 

To fifty add nothing, then five, 

Then add the first part of eighteen ; 

A desert would life be without it, 
But with it, a garden, I ween. 

299. 
What tree bears the most fruit for the Boston 
market ? 

300. 
Why is the end of a dog's tail, like the heart of a 
tree? 



58 



PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 



301. 

Why is a fish-monger not likely to be generous 1 

302. 

Take away my first five, and I am a tree. Take 
away my last five, and I am a vegetable. Without 
my last three, I am an ornament. Cut off my first 
and my last three, and I am a titled gentleman. 
From his name cut off the last letter, and an organ 
of sense will remain. Eemove from this the last, and 
two parts of your head will be left. 

Divide me into halves, and you find a fruit and an 
instrument of correction. Entire, I can be obtained of 
any druggist. 

303. 

Why was Elizabeth of England a more marvelous 
sovereign than Napoleon % 

304. 

A Square-of-E very-Word Puzzle. 

I. 

The desert-king, c 

Whose presence will 
Each living thing 

With terror fill. 



II. 

Of this word 'tis the mission 
To be a preposition, 
Giving you a notion 
Of onward, inward, motion. 

III. 

This charm to blend, 

The myriad roses of Cashmere you ask 

Their subtle essences to one small flask 

Freely to lend. 



PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 59 



IV. 



The middy, to his labor trained, 

The sun by sextant viewed ; 
And said that Phoebus had attained 

His greatest altitude. 

305. 
A prophet exists, whose generation was before Adam ; 
who was with Noah in the Ark, and was present at 
the trial of our Lord. The only sermon he preached, 
was so convincing as to bring tears to the eyes and 
repentance to the heart of a sinner. He neither lies 
in a bed nor sits in a chair; his clothing is neither 
dyed, spun nor woven, but is of finest texture and 
most brilliant hue. His warning cry ought to call all 
sluggards from their slumbers : he utters it in every 
land and every age; and yet he is not the Wandering 
Jew. 

306. 

I have. but six letters; I'm little, you see; 

Yet millions of people have wondered at me ; 

My 2, 6, 5, 1, you possess, and yet seek; 

My 6, 4, 1, renders the strongest man weak ; 

My 5, 3, 2, 1, is both pronoun and noun, 

And my 5, 1, 2, often have builded a town; 

To my 3, 5, 6, 4, 1, men sometimes have prayed, 

And my 4, 6, 5, 1 , through most forests have strayed ; 

My 6, 3, 5, has been to mystify' j^ou, 

And devout men oft utter my 6, 5, 1, 2. 

307. 
(Fill the blanks with the names of British Authors.) 

A upon the shore was seen, 

I looked again, and it no was seen. 

308. 

A — — who of riches had great store, 
Was fain to keep a upon his door. 



60 



PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 



309. 

A trod the desert, and , 

And, slow but sure of made good his way. 

310. 

I see with every man a thing 

No man on earth hath ever seen ; 
Yet calm reflection still would bring 

It face to face with him, I ween ; 
'Twould be before him plain as day, 

Yet not be what he saw, I say. 

311. 

1. I have wings and I fly, though I'm not called a bird ; 

2. I am part of a hundred, e'en more than a third ; 

3. I am " A No. 1 " with the most of mankind ; 

4. In France and in Germany me you will find ; 

5. My Fifth in your hand you may frequently see ; 

6. And my Whole it is dreary and wretched to be. 

312. 

Blanks to be filled with the names of noted authors. 

A little child, , , and full of grace, 

Threw back her and showed her smiling face; 

Meek as the she by a ribbon led, 

As o'er the in the dawn she sped ; 

Fleet as the when to the the 

Called, and the sportsman not at morn ; 

Against her more than paltry gold, 

I could not my heart, however cold. 

313. 

You need not my inquiring friend, 

If. asking me if I am on the mend, 

You find me still in no frame ; 

Upon an lay all the blame ; 

And though it may not seem to mope, 

I could not my pain to please the . 

314. 
Than myself in my normal condition , nothing could 
be lighter or more airy. I am composed of six letters 



PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 61 

and four syllables. Deprived of iny first two and 
transposed, I am the haimt of wild beasts ; trans- 
posed, I am a human being more dangerous than a 
wild beast ; transposed again, I am part of a fence ; 
robbed of my last letter, and again transposed, I am a 
melody ; or I am that noun without which there would 
be no such adjective as my Whole. 

315. 

CHRISTMAS DIMES. 
The first course consisted of a linden tree, and some 
poles. The second, of a red-hot bar of iron, a country 
in Asia, and an ornament worn by Soman ladies, ac- 
companied by a vegetable carefully prepared as fol- 
lows : one-sixth of a carrot, one-fourth of a bean, one- 
half of a leaf of lettuce, and one-third of a cherry. 
For dessert, a pudding made of the interment of a 
tailor's implement ; some points of time, and small 
cannon-shot from Hamburg. 

316. 

My First can be a useful slave, 

Obedient to your will ; 
Tet let him once the master be, 

He'll ruin, rage, and kill. 
To do my Second through the air, , 

Oft men have tried in vain, 
Yet, if you look, you'll find it there, 

Upon your window-pane. 
My Whole on summer nights is seen 
A fairy lamp to light the green. 

317. 

Seen more by day ; heard more by night : 
I help the old to better sight ; 
Chameleon-like, my food is air; 
And dust to me is dainty fare. 
4 



62 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 

nuts to ceace:. 

318. 

What . nuts were essential to the safety of ancient 
cities ? 

319. 
What nut is a garden vegetable? 

320. 
Whau nut is a dairy product ? 

321. 
What nut is dear to bathers % 

322. 
What nut is used to store away things in % 

323. 
What nut is a breakfast beverage ? 

POE AMATEUE GAEDEKEES. 
324. 
Plant the early dawn, and what flower will appear 1 

325. 
What spring flowers are found in the track of an 
avalanche ? 

326. 

What early vegetable most resembles a pain in the 
back? 

327. 

What flower is most cultivated by bad-tempered 

persons ? 

328. 

If a dandy be planted, what tree will come up 1 

329. 
Why is a gardener a most fortunate antiquary ? 



PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 63 

330. 
What herbs will spoil your brood of chickens 1 

331. 

Man cannot live without my First ; 

By day and night 'tis used, 
My Second, though disliked by all, 

By none can he refused. 
My Whole is never seen by day, 

Nor ever seen by night ; 
Yet shows hi eyes suffused with tears, 

In faces wan and white. 

332. 

First. 
Something we too early sigh for ; 
What, through lif e, too hard we try for ; 
What, alas ! too many die for. 

Second. 
Upon my Second, in a boat, 
We lightly toss or idly float ; 
Or bathe within its wavelets clear, — 
(The word to Tennyson is dear.) 

The Whole. 
A lovely vale well known to fame, 
Of which a fabric bears the name, 
Well worthy of the proudest dame. 

333. 

My Second went to the side of my First, 

And stayed through the Whole for the air ; 

There were croquet and singing 

And bathing and swinging, 

And chatting with maidens so fair. 

334. 

Two heads I have, and when my voice 

Is heard afar like thunder, 
The lads and maids arrested stand, 

And watch and wait with wonder. 



64 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 

Quite promptly I'm obeyed, and yet 

'Tis only fair to say 
My master bangs me right and left, 

And him I must obey. 

335. 
I am useful on a farm, and on shipboard. Trans- 
pose me and I am not out of place on your tables, 
though I am most at home on the other side of the 
world. Change me to my original form, and remove 
my middle, and I become a part of your face. 

POSITIVES AHD OOMPAEATIVES. 
336. 

He brings his bill for service done 
And straightway mounts his steed. 

337. 

The little rascal plays his pranks, 
Then runs away with speed. 

338. 

Now see the youth with nimble tread 
As step by step he mounts ! 

339. 

How well the story he'll relate ! 
How rapidly he counts ! 

340. 

Then give me but my Arab steed, 
And well I'll shave his head. 

341. 

Oh ! what a horrid, noisy bell ! 
The noontide meal is spread. 

342. 

It was myself — mistake me not — 
Whose wrath was kindled at the thought. 



PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 65 

343. 

The sombre tree grew at the foot of the mountain : 
Just where the pitcher we filled at the fountain. 

344. 

The debts he's contracted to you and to me, 
By the silver that's in it, will canceled be. 

345. 

Beside the brook one summer day 

When Nature all was merry, 
I saw a gypsy maiden stray, 

As brown as any berry. 
She, with the limpid waters quenched her thirst, 
And picked a simple salad of my First. 

The woodbine and the eglantine, 

The clematis and mallow, 
Delight to twine and interwine 

Beside that streamlet shallow; 
And, kissed by sunlight, and caressed by dews, 
My Second in the ambient air diffuse. 

The sun went down ; the twilight fell ; 

Out shone the stars unnumbered ; 
Each flowret closed its honeyed cell, 

And Nature softly slumbered. 
While, pale and cold, across the heavens stole 
In modest, maiden majesty, my Whole. 

346. 
The following puzzle was first published in 1628, 
and was reprinted in Honds Every-Day Book for 1826 : 

A vessel sailed from a port in the Mediterranean, 
with thirty passengers, consisting of fifteen Jews and 
fifteen Christians. During the voyage a heavy storm 
arose, and it was found necessary to throw overboard 
one-half the passengers, in order to lighten the ship. 
After consultation, they agreed to a proposal from the 



66 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 

captain, that lie should place them all in a circle, and 
throw overboard every ninth man until only fifteen 
should be left. The treacherous wretch then arranged 
them in such a way, that all the Jews were thrown 
overboard, and all the Christians saved. In what 
order were they placed % 

347. 

p oi M p 01 

P 1 POL P°L 

ST 

348. 
A man building a barn, wished to place in it a win- 
dow 3 ft. high by 3 ft. wide. But, finding there was 
not room enough, he had it made half the size in- 
tended, without altering height or width. 

349. 

Persian Reddle. 
Between a thickset hedge of bones, 
A small, red dog now barks, now moans. 

350. 
I contain only two syllables. My First implies 
plurality ; my Second, sound health. My Whole is 
the name of a profligate earl who was the third hus- 
band of a queen noted alike for her beauty and her 
misfortunes. He died insane and in exile ; and the 
beautiful queen, after being queen consort in one 
country, and reigning sovereign in another, spent 
nineteen years in captivity, and was finally beheaded 
on the 8th of January, 1587. 

351. 
A celebrated line from Shakespeare. 

KINL 



PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 67 

352. 

The blacksmith with hammer of musical 

Forges a chain of a ponderous 

His hands are brawny and black as 

But he loves his work as well 

As his neighbor goldsmith at ease in a 

Twisting line gold to the size of a 

And weaving a trifle light as 

For the delicate ear of a belle. 

353. 
TKAtfSMUTATICWS. 

1. A letter made crazy by being placed in order. 

2. A letter becomes an island when surrounded by 
a belt. 

3. A letter is pleased when set on fire. 

4. A letter falls in love when it is beaten. 

5. A letter is hated when it is examined. 

6. A letter becomes a sailor when it leaves the 
house. 

7. A letter is filled with crystals when it becomes a 
creditor. 

8. A letter becomes musical when it is made thick. 

9. A letter changes its shape when empty. 

10. A letter is seen when it is spotted. 

11. Another is seen when taken in hand. 

12. When a letter is perforated it draws near the 
ocean. 

13. It costs money for a letter to be thoughtful. 

14. A letter is always slandered when it becomes 
noted. 

What letters are they % 

354. 

My First a liquid path is made 
By something used in foreign trade. 
My Second pours from out his throat 
To weary ones a welcome note, 



68 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 

Coming, a sure and pleasant token 
That winter's icy chain is broken. 
My "Whole I've found in purple bloom, 
Or clothed in white 'mid forest gloom, 
Leaves, petals, sepals, all in threes — 
A triple triplet, if you please. 

355. 

On muster-day the boys were 

Each nerve to show a splendid 

"When suddenly the cry, 'Tis ' 

Proclaims ill luck begun ; 

Prom fine cockades the beauty 

Adown their uniforms are 



The streams that spoil their fun. 
Crestfallen, homeward they are — — 
When lo ! a bright bow over 

Tells that the rain is done. 

356. 

Brilliant with white and golden light 

I blossom in the shade ; 
Emblem of purity and truth, 

Though of two falsehoods made. 

357. 

The egotist my First employs 

To consummate his bliss, 
The school-boy finds it in a noise, 

The lover in a kiss. 
When on the field, in dread array, 
Opposing legions wait the fray, 
When trumpets sound and banners wave, 
The watchword " Victory or the Grave 
Where'er my Second may be found, 
The bravest knights will there abound. 
What though my Third the soldier spurns 

With undisguised disdain, 
To it the farmer gladly turns 

To cultivate the plain. 



PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 69 

My "Whole a gallant warrior's name, 

The idol of the fair ; 
A wizard celebrates his fame — 

You'll find my subject there. 

358. 

A Utile word of syllables three, 
Holds in its heart a mystery. 

I walk, the earth ; I climb the sky ; 
Pull fierce below, serene on high ; 
I lead the field, I lead the fold, 
I call to mind the fleece of gold. 

Four times ten centuries ago, 

"When Abraham's shepherds watched by night, 
Their flocks upon the fields below, 

Above, the stars' mysterious light, 
The heavenly host all f ollowed one 

"Whose name proclaimed his mission high, 
He " went before and led the way," 

"We joined his train submissively. 

At length, as centuries rolled on, 
His leadership and prestige gone, 
In turn /led the flocks on high, — 
As on the earth, so in the sky, 

"When many centuries again 

Had joined the eternal past, 
I found the fate of all create 

"Was mine — was mine — at last ! 
And while, my ancient honors lost, 

I yield to my changed destiny, 
Another chief the starry host 

In stately march precedes on high. 

(To make the enigma more complete, 

If to this word of syllables three, 
A personal pronoun be prefixed, 

The three reduced to two you'll see : 

4* 



70 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 

And this new word will just express 

"What everything earthly does in time, 
Life's bitter sooner than its sweets, — 

So end the riddle and the rhyme.) 

359. 
What kind of paper is most like a sneeze % 

360. 
Why did Edward Everett like to write his own 
Lame? 

361. 

Why would not the same name be a good exercise 
in writing % 

362. 

A farmer had ten apple trees to plant. He desired 
to place them in five rows, having four in each row. 
This he succeeded in doing. How ? 

363. 
Quotation from Shakespeare : 

M 
A 

& L 

I 

O 

(o) 

E. 

364. 
One little boy said to another : " I have an own and 
only sis'ter, but she has no brother." How was that f 

365. 

If stately Edith give her 

To Reginald, 'twill end my 

For it transcends my utmost 

To make a hero of a 




PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 7L 

366. 

On grassy upland chirps the 

Sad in the valley roams the 

Thinking of bright hours too soon 

Humming in misery " Non e " 

He thinks not of the west so brightly 

Nor listens to the faint and distant 

But dreams of the false fair to whom is 

The wo which never, never, will take . 

367. 
Convert the following into a couplet, perfect in 
rhyme and rhythm, without adding or omitting a 
single letter : 

" Deborah, Deborah ! wo unto thee 
For thou art as deaf as a post." 

. 368. 
One and the same word of two syllables, answers 
each of the following triplets : 

I. My First springs in the mountains ; 

My Second springs out of the mountains ; 

My Whole comes with a spring over the mountains. 

II. My First runs up the trees ; 
My Second runs past the trees ; 
My "Whole spreads over the trees. 

III. My First runs on two feet : 
My Second runs without feet ; 
My Whole just glides away. 

IY. To catch my First, men march after it ; 
To capture my Second, they march over it ; 
To possess my Whole, they go through a march before it. 

369. 

Said the Moon to the Sun : 
" Is the daylight begun ?" 
Said the Sun to the Moon : 
" Not a moment too soon. 



72 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 

You're a full Moon," said he ; 

She replied, with a frown, 
" "Well ! I never did see 

So uncivil a clown !" 

Query : Why was the Moon so angry V 

370. 

It is as high as all the stars, 
No well was ever sunk so low ; 

It is in age five thousand years, 
It was not born an hour ago. 

It is as wet as water is ; 

No red-hot iron e'er was drier ; 
As dark as night, as cold as ice, 

Shines like the sun, and burns like fire. 

No soul, nor body to consume — 

No fox more cunning, dunce more dull ; 

'Tis not on earth, 'tis in this room, 
Hard as a stone, and soft as wool. 

'Tis of no color, but of snow, 
Outside and inside black as ink ; 

All red, all yellow, green and blue — 
This moment you upon it think. 

In every noise, this strikes your ear, 
'Twill soon expire, 'twill ne'er decay • 

Does always in the light appear, 
And yet was never seen by day. 

Than the whole earth it larger is, 

Yet, than a small pin's point, 'tis less ; 

I'll tell you ten times what it is, 
Yet after all, you shall not guess ! 

'Tis in your mouth, 'twas never nigh — 
"Where'er you look, you see it still ; 

'Twill make you laugh, 'twill make you cry 
You feel it plain, touch what you will. 



PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 73 

371. 

My First, so faithful, fond and true, 
"Will ne'er forsake or injure you ; 
My Second, coming from the street 
You often trample under feet ; 
My Third you sleep on every night, 
Serene and calm, without affright; 
My Whole is what you should not be 
When talking with your friends or me. 

372. 
My First is a little river in England that gave 
name to a celebrated university ; my Second is al- 
ways near $ my Third sounds like several large 
bodies of water 5 and my Whole is the name of a 
Persian monarch, the neighing of whose horse gave 
him a kingdom and a crown. % 

373. 

A horse in the midst of a meadow suppose, 
Made fast to a stake by a line from his nose ; 
How long must this line be, that, feeding all 'round, 
Permits Mm to graze just an acre of ground ? 

374. 

First, A house where man and beast 

Find themselves at home ; 
Second, Greatest have and least 

Wheresoe'er you roam ; 
Third, A pronoun, meaning many, 

(You must add an L) ; 
All, The manner of our meeting 

When you ring my bell. 



74 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 

375. 
A DINNER PAETY. 

THE GUESTS, 

(Who are chiefly Anachronisms and other Incon- 
gruities.) 

The First : Escaped his foes by having his horse 
shod backward. 

Second : Surnanied, The Wizard of the North. 

3d: Dissolved pearls in wine; Cl herself being dis- 
solved in love. 77 

4th : Was first tutor to Alexander the Great. 

5th : Said " There are no longer Pyrenees." 

6th : The Puritan Poet. 

7th : The Locksmith King. 

8th : The woman " who drank up her husband." 

9th : The Architect of St. Peter's, Borne. 

i Oth : The Miner King. 

11th : Surnamed The King Maker. 

12th : The woman who married the murderer of her 
husband, and of her husband's father. 

13th : The Architect of St. Paul's, London. 

14th : The man who spoke fifty-eight languages ; 
whom Byron called " a Walking Polyglot." 

15th : A death-note, and a father's pride. 

16th : The Bard of Ayrshire. 

17th: The Knight "without fear, and without re- 
proach." 

18th: Eefused, because he dared not accept, the 
crown of England. 

19th: Whose vile maxim was "every man has his 
own price." 

20th: The king who had an emperor for his foot- 
stool. 

21st : The conqueror of the conqueror of Napoleon. 



PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 75 

22d : The inventor of gunpowder. 

23d : The king who entered the enemy's camp, dis- 
guised as a harper. 

24th : The greatest English navigator of the eight- 
eenth century. 

25th : The inventor of the art of printing. 

26th : Whom Napoleon called " the bravest of the 
brave." 

27th : Who first discovered that the earth is round. 

28th : The diplomatic conqueror of Napoleon. 

29th : The inventor of the reflecting telescope. 

30th : The conqueror of Pharsalia. 

31st : The inventor of the safety lamp. 

32d : First introduced tobacco into England. 

33d : Discovered the Antarctic Continent. 

34th : The present poet laureate of England. 

35th : His immediate predecessor. 

36th : The first of the line. 

37th : Surnamed " the Madman of the North." 

38th: The young prince who carried a king captive 
to England. 

39th : First sailed around the world. 

40th : Said " language was given us to enable us to 
conceal our thoughts." 

41st : The Father of History. 



DISHES, KELISHES, DESSERT. 

1 : Natural caskets of valuable gems. 

2 : Material and immaterial. 

3 : The possessive case of a pronoun and an orna- 
ment. 

4: A sign of the zodiac, (pluralized). 

5 : One-third of Cesar's celebrated letter, and the 
centre of the solar system. 



76 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 

6 : Where Charles XII. went after the battle of Pul- 
towa. 

7 : Whose English namesake Pope called " the 
brightest, wisest, meanest of mankind." 

8 : A celebrated English essayist. 

9 : Formerly a workman's implement. 

10 : The ornamental part of the head. 
11 : An island in Lake Ontario. 

12 : Timber, and the herald of the morning. 
13 : A share in a rocky pathway. 
14 : The unruly member. 
15 : The earth, and a useful article. 
* 16 : An iron vessel, and eight ciphers. 

17 : A letter placed before what sufferers long for. 

18 : Like values, and odd ends. 

19 : A preposition, a piece of furniture, and a vowel, 
(pluralized). 

20 : An insect, followed by a letter, (pluralized). 

21 : The employment of some women, and the dread 
of all. 

22 : A kind of carriage, and a period of time. 

23: A net for the head, an organ of sense, an 
emblem of beauty. 

24 : By adding two letters, you'll have an Eastern 
conqueror. 

25 : Five-sevenths of a name not wholly uncon- 
nected with Bleak House and Borrioboola Gha. 

26 : An underground room, and a vowel. 

27 : Skill, part of a needle, and to suffocate, (plu- 
ralized). 

28: Antics. 

29 : An intimation burdens. 

30 : What if it should lose its savor % 

31 : Where you live a contented life ; a hotel, and a 
vowel. 









PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 77 

32: The staff of life. 

33 : Whafc England will never become. 

34: Scourges. 

35 : Eunning streams. 

36 : A domestic fowl, and the fruit of shrubs. 

37 : Married people. 

38 : A Holland prince serene, (pluralized). 

39 : To waste away, and Eve's temptation, (plural- 
ized). 

40 : Four-fifths of a month, and a dwelling, (plural- 
ized). 

41: Busybodies. 

42 : What Jeremiah saw in a vision. 

43 : Very old monkeys. 

44 : Approach convulsions. 

45 : Small blocks for holding bolts. 



UKaUESSED EIDDLES. 

As, on Louis Gay lord's Clarke's authority," no museum 
is complete without the club that killed Captain Cook " 
— he had seen it in six — so no collection of riddles can 
be considered even presentable without the famous 
enigma so often republished, and always with the 
promise of " £50 reward for a solution." It was first 
printed in the Qentlemenh Magazine, London, in March, 
1757. 

The compiler of this little book has no hope of win- 
ning the prize, and leaves the lists open to her readers, 
with a hope that some one of them may succeed in 
" guessing " not only this, but the next riddle, of whose 
true answer she has not the faintest idea. 

The noblest object in the works of art; 
The brightest scenes which Nature can impart ; 
The well-known signal in the time of peace ; 
The point essential in a tenant's lease ; 



78 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 

The farmer's comfort as he drives the plough ; 

A soldier's duty, and a lover's vow ; 

A contract made before the nuptial tie ; 

A blessing riches never can supply ; 

A spot that adds new charms to pretty faces ; 

An engine used in fundamental cases ; 

A planet seen between the earth and sun ; 

A prize that merit never yet has won ; 

A loss which prudence seldom can retrieve ; 

The death of Judas, and the fall of Eve ; 

A part between the ancle and the knee ; 

A Papist's toast, and a physician's fee ; 

A wife's ambition, and a parson's dues ; 

A miser's idol, and the badge of Jews. 

If now, your happy genius can divine 

The corresponding word in every line, 

By the first letter plainly may be found 

An ancient city that is much renowned. 

The other unguessed, if not unguessable, riddle 
claims to coine from Cambridge, and is as follows : 

A Headless man had a letter to write ; 
It was read by one who had lost his sight : 
The Dumb repeated it, word for word ; 
And he was Deaf who listened and heard. 

(See Key.) 



QUESTIONS NOT TO BE ANSWERED UNTIL TEE WOELD 
IS WISEE. 

Considering how useful the ocean is to mankind, are 
poets justified in calling it " a waste of waters v % 

How can we catch soft water when it is raining 
hard ! 

Where is the chair that " Yerbnm sat" in % 

How does it happen that Fast days are always pro- 
vokingly slow days ? 

How is it that a storm looks heavy when it keeps 



PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 79 

lightening % And the darker it grows, the more it 
lightens ? 

When it is said of a man that u he never forgets 
himself," are we to understand that his conduct is 
absolute perfection, or that it is the perfection of self- 
ishness ? 



PAKADOXES. 

1st. Polus instructed Otesiphon in the art of plead- 
ing. Teacher and pupil agreed that the tuition-fee 
should he paid when the latter should win his first 
case. Some time having gone by, and the young man 
being still without case or client, Polus, in despair of 
his fee, brought the matter before the Court, each 
party pleading his own cause. Polus spoke first, as 
follows : 

" It is indifferent to me how the Court may decide 
this case. For, if the decision be in my favor, I 
recover my fee by virtue of the judgment ; but, if my 
opponent wins the case, this being his first, I obtain 
my fee according to the contract." 

Ctesiphon, being called on for his defense, said : 

"The decision of the Court is indifferent to me. 
For, if in my favor, I am thereby released from my 
debt to Polus. But, if I lose the case, the fee cannot 
be demanded, according to our contract." 

2d. A certain king once built a bridge, and de- 
creed that all persons about to cross it, should be in 
terrogated as to their destination. If they told the 
truth they should be permitted to pass unharmed ; but, 
if they answered falsely, they should be hanged on a 
gallows erected at the centre of the bridge. One day 
a man, about to cross, was asked the usual question, 
and replied : 



80 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 

" I am going to be hanged on that gallows F 
Kow, if they hanged him, he had told the truth, and 
ought to have escaped 5 but, if they did not hang him, 
he had " answered falsely," and ought to have suffered 
the penalty of the law. 



PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 83 

PAITOY TITLES TOE EOOKS. 

Furnished by Thomas Hood for a blind door in the Library at Chats- 
worth, for his friend the Duke of Devonshire. 

Percy Yere. In Forty Yolumes. 

Dante's Inferno ; or Descriptions of Van Demon's 
Land. 

Ye Devyle on Two Styx : (black letter). 

Lamb's Becollections of Suet. 

Lamb on the Death of Wolfe, 

Plurality of Livings : with Begard to the Common 
Cat. 

Boyle on Steam. 

Blaine on Equestrian Burglary ; or the Breaking-in 
of Horses. 

John Knox on Death's Door. 

Peel on Bell's System. 

Life of Jack Ketch, with Cuts of his own Execution. 

Cursory Bemarks upon Swearing. 

Cook's Specimens of the Sandwich Tongue. 

Becollections of Banister. By Lord Stair. 

On the Affinity of the Death- Watch and Sheep-Tick. 

Maltkus' Attacks of Infantry. 

McAdam's Yiews of Ehodes. 

The Life of Zimmermann. By Himself. 

Pygmalion. By Lord Bacon. 

Bules of Punctuation. By a Thoroughbred Pointer. 

Chronological Account of the Date Tree. 

Kosciusko on the Bight of the Poles to Stick up for 
Themselves. 

Prize Poems. In Blank Yerse. 

Shelley's Conchology. 

Chantry on the Sculpture of the Chipaway Indians. 

The Scottish Boccaccio. By D. Cameron. 

Hoyle on the Game Laws. 

Johnson's Contradictkmary. 



84 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 

When Hood and his family were living at Ostend 
for economy's sake, and with the same motive Mrs. 
Hood was doing her own work, as we phrase it, he 
wrote to a friend in England : " Jane is becoming an 
excellent cook and housemaid, and I intend to raise 
her wages. She had nothing a week before, and now 
I mean to double it." 



It has been estimated that of all possible or impos- 
sible ways of earning an honest livelihood, the most 
arduous, and at the same time the way which would 
secure the greatest good to the greatest number, 
would be to go around, cold nights, and get into bed 
for people ! To this might be added, going around 
cold mornings and getting up for people 5 and, most 
useful and most onerous of all, going around among 
undecided people and making up their minds. 



In these days of universal condensation — of condensed 
milk, condensed meats, condensed news — perhaps no 
achievement of that kind ought to surprise us ; but it 
must be acknowledged that Thackeray's condensing 
feat was the most extraordinary on record. To com- 
press "The Sorrows of Werther" — that three volumed 
novel : a book of size — and tears, full of pathos and 
prettiness, of devotion and desperation — into four 
stanzas that tell the whole story, was a triumph of 
art which — which it is very possible Goethe would 
admire less than we do. 

Werther had a love for Charlotte 

Such as words can never utter. 
"Would you know how first he met her ? 

She was cutting bread and butter. 



PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 85 

Charlotte was a married lady, 

And a moral man was Werther, 
And, for all the wealth of Indies, 

Would do nothing for to hurt her. 

So he sighed, and pined, and ogled, 

And his passion boiled and bubbled, 
Till he blew his silly brains out, 

And no more was by it troubled. 

Charlotte, when she saw his body 

Borne before her on a shutter, 
Like a well conducted person, 

Went on cutting: bread and butter. 



Theodore Hook was celebrated not more for his 
marvelous readiness in rhyming than for the quality 
of the rhymes themselves. In Ms hauds the English 
language seemed to have no choice : plain prose 
appeared impossible. Motley was the only wear ; fan- 
tastic verse the only method of expression. No less 
does he press into his service phrases from the lan- 
guages, as in the curious verses which follow, in praise of 

CLUBS. 

If any man loves comfort and 

Has little cash to buy it, he 
Should get into a crowded club — 

A most select society ! 

While solitude and mutton cutlets 

Serve infelix uxor, he 
May have his club (like Hercules), 

And revel there in luxury. 

Here's first the Athenaeum club, 

So wise, there's not a man of it 
That has not sense enough for six; 

(In fact, that is the plan of it). 
5 



86 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 

The very waiters answer you 
With eloquence Socratical, 

And always lay the knives and forks 
In order mathematical. 

The Union Club is quite superb ; 

Its best apartment daily is 
The lounge of lawyers, doctors, beaux, 

Merchants, cum multis aliis. 

The Travellers are in Pall Mall, 
And smoke cigars so cozily, 

And dream they climb the highest Alps, 
Or rove the plains of Moselai. 

These are the stages which all men 
Propose to play their parts upon ; 

For clubs are what the Londoners 
Have clearly set their hearts upon. 



OTHEE WOKLDS. 

Mr. Mortimer Collins indulges in sundry very odd speculations concerning 

them. 

Other worlds ! Those planets evermore 

In their golden orbits swiftly glide on ; 
From quick Hermes by the solar shore, 

To remote Poseidon. 

Are they like this world ? The glory shed 
Prom the ruddy dawn's unfading portals? 

Does it fall on regions tenanted 
By a race of mortals ? 

Are there merry maidens, wicked-eyed, 
Peeping slyly through the cottage lattice ? 

Have they vintage bearing countries wide ? 
Have they oyster patties ? 

Does a mighty ocean roar and break 

On dark rocks and sandy shores fantastic ? 

Have they any Darwins there, to make 
Theories elastic ? 






PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 87 

Does their weather change? November fog, 
Weeping April, March with many a raw gust ? 

And do thunder and demented dog 
Come to them in August ? 

Nineteenth century science should unravel 

All these queries, but has somehow missed 'em. 

When will it be possible to travel 
Through the solar system ? 



STILTS. 



Behold the mansion reared by daedal Jack, 

See the malt stored in many a plethoric sack, 

In the proud cirque of Ivan's bivouac. 

Mark how the Kat's felonious fangs invade 

The golden stores in John's pavilion laid. 

Anon, with velvet foot and Tarquin strides, 

Subtle Grimalkin to his quarry glides — 

Grimalkin grim, that slew the fierce rodent, 

Whose tooth insidious Johann's sackcloth rent. 

Lo ! now the deep mouthed canine foe's assault, 

That vexed the avenger of the stolen malt, 

Stored in the hallowed precincts of the hall, 

That rose, complete at Jack's creative call. 

Here stalks the impetuous Cow with crumpled horn, 

Whereon the exacerbating hound was torn, 

Who bayed the feline slaughter beast that slew 

The Rat predacious, whose keen fangs ran through 

The textile fibres that involved the grain, 

That lay in Hans' inviolate domain. 

Here walks forlorn the Damsel crowned with rue, 

Lactiferous spoils from vaccine dugs who drew, 

Of that corniculate beast whose tortuous horn 

Tossed to the clouds, in fierce, vindictive scorn, 

The harrying hound whose braggart bark and stir 

Arched the lithe spine and reared the indignant fur 

Of Puss, that with verminicidal claw, 

Struck the weird Rat, in whose insatiate maw 

Lay reeking malt, that erst in Ivan's courts we saw. 



88 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 

Robed in senescent garb that seems, in sooth, 

Too long a prey to Chronos' iron tooth ; 

Behold the man whose amorous lips incline, 

Full with young Eros' osculative sign, 

To the lorn maiden, whose lac-albic hands 

Drew albu-lactic wealth from lacteal glands 

Of the immortal bovine, by whose horn 

Distort, to realm ethereal was borne 

The beast catulean, vexer of that sly 

Ulysses quadrupedal, who made die 

The old mordacious Rat, that dared devour 

Antecedaneous ale, in John's domestic bower. 

Lo here, with hirsute honors doffed, succinct 

Of saponaceous lock, the Priest, who linked 

In Hymen's golden bands the torn un thrift, 

"Whose means exiguous stared from many a rift, 

Even as he kissed the virgin all forlorn, 

"Who milked the cow with implicated horn, 

"Who in fine wrath the canine torturer skied, 

That dared to vex the insidious muricide, 

"Who let the auroral effluence through the pelt 

Of the sly Rat that robbed the palace Jack had built. 

The loud, cantankerous Shanghai comes at last, 

Whose shouts aroused the shorn ecclesiast, 

"Who sealed the vows of Hymen's sacrament, 

To him who robed in garments indigent, 

Exosculates the damsel lachrymose, 

The emulgator of that horned brute morose, 

That tossed the dog, that worried the cat, that kilt 

The rat, that ate the malt, that lay in the house that Jack built. 



The Some Journal having published a set of rather 
finical rules for the conduct of equestrians in Central 
Park, a writer in Vanity Fair supplemented and sat- 
irized them as follows : 

ETIQUETTE 0E EQUITATION. 

"When a gentleman is t© accompany a lady on horseback, 
1st. There must be two horses. (Pillions are out of fashion, except 
in some parts of "Wales, Australia and New Jersey.) 



PUZZLES AOT ODDITIES. 89 

2d. One horse must have a side saddle. The gentleman will not 
mount this horse. By bearing this rule in mind he will soon find no 
difficulty in recognizing his own steed. 

3d. The gentleman will assist the lady to mount and adjust her foot 
in the stirrup. There being but one stirrup, he will learn upon which 
side to assist the lady after very little practice. 

4th. He will then mount himself. As there are two stirrups to his 
saddle, he may mount on either side, but by no means on both ; at 
least, not at the same time. The former is generally considered the 
most graceful method of mounting. If he has known Mr. Karey he 
may mount without the aid of stirrups. If not, he may try, but 
will probably fail. 

5th The gentleman should always ride on the right side of the lady. 
According to some authorities, the right side is the left. According 
to others, the other is the right If the gentleman is left handed, this 
will of course make a difference. Should he be ambidexter, it will be 
indifferent. 

6th. If the gentleman and lady meet persons on the road, these will 
probably be strangers, that is if they are not acquaintances. In either 
case the gentleman and lady must govern themselves accordingly. 
Perhaps the latter is the evidence of highest breeding. 

7th. If they be going in different directions, they will not be ex- 
pected to ride in company, nor must these request those to turn and 
join the others ; and vice versa. This is indecorous, and indicates a 
lack of savoir /aire. 

8th. If the gentleman's horse throw him he must not expect him to 
pick him up, nor the lady ; but otherwise the lady may. This is im- 
portant to be borne in mind by both. 

9th. On their return, the gentleman will dismount first and assist the 
lady from her horse, but he must not expect the same courtesy in return^ 

N. B. — These rules apply equally to every species of equitation, as 
pony riding, donkey riding, rocking horse riding, or " riding on a rail." 
There will, of course, be modifications required, according to the form 
and style of the animal. 

SONG OP THE EEOENT KEBELLIOff. 

Air: '■"Lord LovelV 
Lord Lovell he sat in St. Charles' Hotel, 

In St. Charles' Hotel sat he ; 
As fine a case of a rebel swell, 
As ever you'd wish to see, see, see, 
As ever you'd wish to see I 



PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 

Lord Lovell the town had sworn to defend, 

A-waving his sword on high ; 
He swore that the last ounce of powder he'd 
spend, 
And in the last ditch he would die, die, die, 
And m the last ditch he would die. 

He swore by black and he swore by blue, 

He swore by the stars and bars, 
That never he'd fly from a Yankee crew 

While he was a son of Mars, Mars, Mars, 
"While he was a son of Mars. 

He had fifty thousand gal-li-ant men, 

Fifty thousand men had he, 
Who had all sworn with him they would 
never surren- 
Der to any tarnation Yankee, kee, kee, 
To any tarnation Yankee. 

Sir Farragut came with a mighty fleet ; 

With a mighty fleet came he ; 
And Lord Lovell instanter began to retreat, 

Before the first boat he could see, see, see, 
Before the first boat he could see. 

His "fifty thousand gal-li-ant men " 
Dwindled down to thousands six, 
Who heard a distant cannon, and then, 
Commenced a- cutting their sticks, sticks, 
sticks — 
Commenced a-cutting their sticks. 

"Oh, tarry, Lord Lovell!" Sir Farragut cried; 

" Oh, tarry, Lord Lovell!" cried he; 
"I rather think not," Lord Lovell replied, 

"For I'm in a great hurree, ree, ree, 
For I'm in a great hurree / 

I like the drinks at St. Charles' Hotel, 
But I never could bear strong Porter, 

Especially when it is served in a shell, 
Or mixed in an iron mortar ! " 



PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 91 

"I reckon you're right," Sir Farragut said, 

" I reckon you're right," said he ; 
"■ For if my Porter should fly to your head, 

A terrible crash there'd be, be," be, 
A terrible crash there'd be ! " 

Oh, a wonder it was to see them run ! 

A wonderful thing to see — 
And the Yankees sailed up without shoot- 
ing a gun, 
And captured their great citee, tee, tee, 
And captured their great citee. 

Lord Lovell kept running all day and all night, 

Lord Lovell a-running kept he, 
For he swore that he couldn't abide the sight 

Of the gun of a live Yankee, kee, kee, 
Of the gun of a live Yankee. 

When Lord Lovell's life was brought to a close 

By a sharp-shooting Yankee gunner, 
From his head there sprouted a red, red — nose, 

From his feet a scarlet runner ! 



OTHER PARODIES. 

" Come into the garden, Maud ! " 

Come out in the garden, Jane, 
For the black bear, night, has run, 

Come out in the garden, Jane, 
It's time the party was done ; 

And the chickens commence to cackle again, 
And the cocks crow, one by one. 

For a breeze begins to blow, 

And the planet of Jupiter, he, 
Grows shaky and pale, as the dawn, you know, 

Comes striding over the sea ; 
Grows pale, as the dawn keeps coming, you 
know, 

Grows paler and paler to be. 



92 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 

All night have the tulips shaked, 
At the noise of the fiddle and drum, 

All night has the trumpet-vine quivered and 
quaked, 
As the sounds of the dancing have come ; 

Till the chickens and cocks in the hen-roost waked, 
And they stopped the fiddle and drum. 

I said to the tulip, "It's I," says I, 

Whom she likes best of them all ; 
" When will they let her alone ? " says I, 

" She's tired I know of the ball. 
Now part of the folks have said good-bye, 

And part are now in the hall ; 
They'll all be off directly," says I, 

1,1 And then I'm over the wall." 

I said to the pink, "Nigh over, I think, 
The dancing and glancing and fun : 

youog Lloyd Lever, your hopes will sink 
When you find the charmer is won ! 

We're one, we're one," I remarked to the pink, 
"In spirit already one." 

And the red of the pink went into my face, 

As I thought of your sweet "I will; " 
And long I stood in that slippery place, 

For I heard our waterfall spill, 
Spill over the rocks and run on in the race, 

The mill-race down by the mill, 
From the tree where I feebly stated my case, 

To the fence where you answered "I will." 

The drowsy buttercup went to bed 

Nor left a lock of her hair ; 
The great sunflower he nodded his head 

And the poppy snored in his chair ; 
But the pink wasn't sleepy at all, she said, 

Wishing my pleasure to share, 
No tulip or pink of them cared for bed, 

They knew I expected you there. 



PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 93 

Queen pink of the feminine pinks in there, 

Come out in the garden to me, 
In the velvet basque, silk-lined you wear, 

Queen pink and tulip you be: 
Bob out little face, running over with hair, 

And let the hollyhocks see. 

Is that the marigold's laugh I hear, 

Or the sound of her foot as 't fell ? 
She is coming, my duck, my dear ; 

She is coming, my bird, my belle. 
The blood-pink cries ; " She is near, she is near,'' 

And the pale pink sobs : " Do tell 1 " 
The snap-dragon says: "D'you see her? D'you 

see her ? " 
And the tulip, " Yes, there by the well !"' 

She is coming, my joy, my pet, 

Let her trip it, soft as she chose, 
My pulses would livelier get 

"Were I dying there under the rose ; 
My blood flow rapider yet 

Were I buried down under the rose, 
"Would start and trickle out ruby and wet 

And bubble wherever she goes. 



CLEON HATH A MILLION AOKES. 

Brown has pockets running over, 

Ne'er a dime have I ; 
Brown he has a wife and children, 

Bachelor am I ; 
Brown he has a dozen servants, 

One of 'em am I ; 
Yet the poorest of us couple 

's Brown ; I'll tell you why. 

Brown, 'tis true, possesseth dollars, 

All creation I; 
And the income that it gives me 

Lieth in my eye. 



94 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 

Brown he is a sleepy fellow, 

Wide-awake am I ; 
He in broad-cloth, I in tow-cloth, 

Handsomest am I. 

Brown has had no education ; 

Mine you couldn't buy ; 
He don't know we call him " noodle," 

I assert it, I ; 
Brown, I tell you you're a noodle, 

Noodle you will die ; 
Who speaks first to change conditions ? 

— I declare — it's I ! 



"WHEN I THINK OF MY BELOVED." 

(Algonquin Song, in " Hiawatha. 11 ) 

When I think of him I love so, 
Oh lor ! think of him I love so, 
When I am a- thinking of him — 

Ouch ! my sweetheart, my Bee-no-nee ! 

Oh lor! when we left each other 

He presented me a thimble — 

As a pledge, a silver thimble, 
Ouch! my sweetheart, my Bee-no-nee! 

"I'll go 'long with you," he whispered, 
Oh lor ! to the place you come from : 
" Let me go along," he whispered, — 

Ouch ! my sweetheart, my Bee-no-nee I 

" It's awful fur, full fur," I answered, 
" Fur away it is," I answered, 
" Oh lor ! yes, the place I come from — " 

Ouch ! my sweetheart, my Bee-no-nee ! 

As I looked 'round for to see him, 
Where I left him for to see him, 
He was looking for to see me — 

Ouch ! my sweetheart, my Bee-no-nee ! 



PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 95 

On the log lie was a-sitting, 
On the hollow log a-sitting, 
That was chopped down by somebody — 

Ouch! my sweetheart, my Bee-no-nee! 

When I think of him I love so, 

Oh lor ! think of him I love so, 

When 1 am a- thinking of him — 
Ouch ! my sweetheart, my Bee-no-nee ! 

{From "Mtlkanwatha") 



NEVER STOOPS THE SOAKING VULTURE." 

{Also from "MilJcanwatha") 
Never jumps a sheep that's frightened, 
Over any fence whatever, 
Over wall, or fence, or timber, 
But a second follows after, 
And a third, upon the second, 
And a fourth, and fifth, and so on, 
First a sheep, and then a. dozen, 
Till they all, in quick succession, 
One by one have got clean over. 

So misfortunes almost always, 

Follow after one another, 

Seem to watch each other always ; 

When they see the tail uplifted, 

In the air the tail uplifted, 

As the sorrow leapeth over ; 

Lo ! they follow, thicker, faster, 

Till the air of earth seems darkened 

With the tails of sad misfortunes, 

Till our heart within us, weary, 

Cry out: " Are there more a-coming ? " 



THE PALLS OF LODORE. 

" Rising and leaping, sinking and creeping, 
Striking and raging, as if a war waging, 
All around and around, with endless rebound, 

Confounding, astounding, 
Dizzying and deafening the ear with its sound ! 



96 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 

" Kecoiling, turmoiliEg, and toiling and boiling, 
And dashing, and flashing, and splashing and crashing, 
All at once, and all o'er, with a mighty uproar ; 
And this way the water comes down at Lodore!" 

A disappointed, u disillusioned," tourist expresses be- 
low his view of the subject, which slightly differs from 
Southey's. 

Do you want to he told how it is that the water 
Comes down at Lodore ? 
Why then I'm the man 
Of all others, that can, 
Or, rather, the man of all others, that ought to 
Be able to tell you, without any more 
Fuss ; 
Thus! 
Behind a small cavern, 
Suppose a dark cavern, 
Or ravine, more correctly, 
From whose summit directly 
As from a stone pitcher, 
Out of the which, a 
Volume of fluid 
Enough for a Druid 
To wade to his knees in, 
Pours out unceasin'- 
Gly down, and not up ; 
Which would be a sup- 
Position so very 
To nature contrary, 
That it couldn't be thought a 

Supposable case, 
For a cascade of water 
On any man's place ; 
Much more, at Lodore, 
Where the water has always come down, heretofore. 
Down deep precipices, 
And awful abysses, 
Ten feet, or fifteen, 
The water is seen 
To drip, skip, trip, slip, dip 



PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 97 

A gill in a minute, in great agitation ; 

Then goes it again, 

With a very perpen- 

Dicular smash, dash, splash, crash ; 
A pint, at the least calculation ! 

Making no bones 

Of wetting the stones, 

Which can't get out, 

But wriggle about, 
A whole quart of the cascade has got 'em ; 

And the way they go 

Down, isn't slow ; 
Rumble, and jumble, and tumble ; 
Hip, hop, drop, whop, stopl 
A gallon has got to the bottom ! 

And the moral of that is, said the Duchess, that 
tourists shouldn't see Niagara before they visit 
Lodore. 

"TELL ME, TE WINGED WINDS." 

Tell me, my secret soul, 

Oh, tell me, Hope and Faith, 
Is there no resting-place 

From women, girls, and death ? 
Is there no happy spot 

Where bachelors are blessed, 
Where females never go, 

And men escape that pest ? 
Faith, Hope, and Love, best boon to mortals given, 
Waved their bright wings, and whispered, "Yes, in Heaven!" 



SEEING IS BELIEVING : SEEING IS DECEIVING. 
Here is a row of capital letters, and of figures, of 
ordinary size and shapes : 

SSSSXXXXZZZZZ33338888 
They are such as are made up of two parts, of simi- 
lar form. Look carefully at these, and you will per- 
ceive that the upper halves of the characters are a 



98 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 

very little smaller than the lower halves — so little that, 
at a mere glance, we should declare them to be of 
equal size. Isow, turn the page upside down, and, 
without any careful looking, you will see that this 
difference in size is very much exaggerated — that the 
real top half of the letter is very much smaller than 
the other half. It will be seen by this that there is a 
tendency in the eye to enlarge the upper part of any 
object upon which it looks. Thus two circles of un- 
equal size might be drawn and so placed that they 
would appear exactly alike. 



FANTASTIC NAMES. 

An Ohio lady told me that she knew three young 
ladies belonging to one family, named severally : 

Eegina, Florida Geneva, and Missouri Iowa. And 
that an ill-starred child, born about the time of the 
first Atlantic cable furor, was threatened with the 
name of Atalanta Telegrapha Cabelletta ! 

The cable collapsed, and the child escaped $ but a 
young lady of Columbus, born January 1, 1863, was 
less fortunate. She was named by her parents in 
honor of the event of that day, Emancipation Procla- 
mation, and is known by the pet name " Proklio." 

I knew a boy named Chief Justice Marshall ; a young 
man, (greatness was thrust upon him,) named Commo- 
dore Perry V r, and have been told of a little girl 

named by her novel-loving mother, Lady Helen Mar. 

Mrs. C, of Western New York, was, in her girlhood, 
acquainted with a boy who by no means " rejoiced in 
the name" of John Jerome Jeremiah Ansegus P. S. Brown 
McB e. 

A colored woman in Dunkirk named her infant son 
in honor of two lawyers there : Thomas P. Grosvenor 
WilUam 0. Stevens B s ; and, at an Industrial 



PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 99 

school in Detroit, there was some years ago a colored 
boy named Nicholas Evans Esquire Providence United 
States of America Jefferson Davis B s. 

In Gazenovia there once lived a young lady named 
Encyclopedia Britannica D y. 

There, too, Messrs. Hyde and Coop lived side by side 
for several years. Then Mr. Hyde moved out of town, 
and spoiled that little game. 

It was noted as a coincidence when a Mr. Conlcrite, 
of Tecum seh, Mich., sold his dwelling-house and lot 
to Mrs. Cronldte. 

A farmer in Allegany county, K. Y., named his 
children Wilhelmina Rosalinda, SobrisM Lowanda, 
Eugertha Emily, Hiram Orlaska, Monterey Maria and 
Belwin Bacosti. The following are also vouched for 
as genuine American names : Birexa Polyxany Bodge, 
Hostalina Hypermnestra Meacham, Keren Habuch Moore 
and Missouri Arkansas Ward. 

There lived in Greenfield, K Y., a certain Captain 
Parasol ; and, at Niagara Falls, for a time, a Methodist 
minister named Alabaster. 

I have lately heard of a Mrs. Achilles, a Mr. and Mrs. 
Becember, a John January, and a Mr. Greengrass ; and 
of an Indiana girl, at school in Cincinnati, named 
Laura Eusebia Bebutts Miranda MKinn Parron Isabella 
Isadora Virginia Lucretia A p. 

In 1874 one of the young ladies at a certain convent 
school in West Virginia, was Miss Claudia Beburnabue 
Bellinger Mary Joseph N" p. 

The following are names of stations on the " E. and 
IS. A. Eailway," New Brunswick : Quispamsis, Nan- 
wigewank, Osselceag, Passekeag, Apohaqui, Plumweseep, 
Penobsquis, Anagance, Petitcodiac, Shediac, Point du 
Chene ; and we should particularly like to hear a con- 
ductor sing them. 



100 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 

LADIES' NAMES. 

Their Sound. 

There is a strange deformity. 

Combined with countless graces, 
As often in the ladies' names 

As in the ladies' faces. 
Some names are fit for every age, 

Some only fit for youth ; 
Some passing sweet and musical, 

Some horribly uncouth ; 
Some fit for dames of loftiest grades, 
Some only fit for scullery maids. 

Ann is too plain and common, 

And Nancy sounds but ill ; 
Yet Anna is endurable, 

And Annie better still. 
There is a grace in Charlotte, 

In Eleanor a state, 
An elegance in Isabelle, 

A haughtiness in Kate : 
And Sara is sedate and neat, 
And Ellen innocent and sweet. 

Matilda has a sickly sound, 

Fit for a nurse's trade ; 
Sophia is effeminate, 

And Esther sage and staid; 
Elizabeth's a matchless name, 

Fit for a queen to wear — 
In castle, cottage, hut or hall, 

A name beyond compare : 
And Bess and Bessie follow well, 
But Betsy is detestable. 

Maria is too forward, 

And Gertrude is too gruff, 
*)Yet, coupled with a pretty face. 
Is pretty name enough: 

And Adelaide is fanciful, 
And Laura is too fine, 



PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 101 

But Emily is beautiful, 
And Mary is divine ; 
Maud only suits a high-born dame, 
And Fanny is a baby name. 

Eliza is not very choice, 

Jane is too blunt and bold, 
And Martha somewhat sorrowful, 

And Lucy proud and cold. 
Amelia is too light and gay, 

Fit only for a flirt, 
And Caroline is vain and shy, 

And Flora smart and pert; 
Louisa is too soft and sleek — 
But Alice, gentle, chaste and meek. 

And Harriet is confiding, 

And Clara grave and mild, 
And Emma is affectionate, 

And Janet arch and wild ; 
And Patience is expressive, 

And Grace is old and rare, 
And Hannah, kind and dutiful, 

And Margaret, frank and fair ; 
And Faith, and Hope, and Charity 
Are heavenly names for sisters three. 



LADIES' NAMES. 

THEIR SIGNIFICANCE. 

Frances is frank and free : 

Bertha is purely bright ; 
Clara is illustrious ; 

Cecilia, dim of sight. 
Katharine is pure ; 

Barbara, from afar; 
Mabel is lovable ; 

Lucy is a morning star. 



102 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 

"Wisdom is Sophia's name ; 

Happiness, Letitia's ; 
Adelaide a princess is ; 

Beatrice, delicious.* 
Susan is a lily ; 

Julia has soft hair ; 
Sara is a lady ; 

Kosalind, as roses fair. 

Constance, firm and resolute ; 

Grace is favor meet ; 
Emily has energy ; 

Melicent is honey-sweet. 
Elizabeth and Isabel 

To God are consecrate ; 
Edith is happiness ; 

Maud has courage great. 

Mary or Maria, 

Star of the sea; 
Margaret, a pearl ; 

Agnes, chastity. 
Agatha is truly kind ; 

Eleanor is light ; 
Esther is good fortune; 

Elvira's soul is white. 

Antoinette, Anne, Anna, 

Grace and favor rare ; 
Geraldine and Bridget, 

Strong beyond compare. 
Noble is Eugenia ; 

Flora, queen of flowers ; 
Virginia is purity ; 

Let her grace be ours 1 



GEOGRAPHICAL PROPERTY. 

The Brewers should to Malta go, 
The dullards all to Scilly, 

The Quakers to the Friendly Isles, 
The Furriers to Chili. 



* Full of delights : blessed. 



PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 103 

Spinsters should to the Needles go; 

Wine-bibbers to Burgundy ; 
Gourmands may lunch at Sandwich Isles, 

Wits sail to Bay of Fundy. 

Cooks, from Spithead, should go to Greece ; 

And, while the Miser waits 
His passage to the Guinea Coast, 

Spendthrifts are in the Straits, 
The Babies (bless their little hearts !) 

That break our nightly rest, 
Might be sent off to Babylon, 

To Lapland, or to Brest. 

Musicians hasten to the Sound; 

Itinerants to Rome ; 
And let the race of hypocrites 

At Canton find their home. 
Lovers should fly to Cape Good Hope, 

Or castles build in Spain ; 
Debtors should go to Oh-I-Owe ; 

Our Sailors to the Maine. 

Bold Bachelors to the United States ; 

Maids to the Isle of Man ; 
The Gardener should to Botany go ; 

And Shoeblacks to Japan. 
This all arranged, and misplaced men 

Would then no longer vex us; 
While any not provided for 

Could go, at once, to Texas ! 



• * 1 HE CAPTURE. 

When, in the tenth century, the Tartars, led by 
their ruthless chief, invaded Hungary, and drove its 
king from the disastrous battle-field, despair seized 
upon all the inhabitants of the land. Many had fallen 



104 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 

in conflict, many more were butchered by the pitiless 
foe, some sought escape, others apathetically awaited 
their fate. Among the last was a nobleman who lived 
retired on his property, distant from every public road. 
He possessed fine herds, rich corn fields, and a well 
stocked house, built but recently for the reception of 
his wife, who now for two years had been its mistress. 

Disheartening accounts of the general misfortune 
had reached his secluded shelter, and its peaceful lord 
was horror-stricken. He trembled at every sound, at 
every step ; he found his meals less savory ; his sleep 
was troubled ; he often sighed, and seemed quite lost 
and wretched. Thus anxiously anticipating the 
troubles which menaced him, he sat, one day, at his 
well closed window, when suddenly a Tartar, mounted 
on a fiery steed, galloped into the court. The Hunga- 
rian sprang from his seat, ran to meet his guest, and 
said: 

" Tartar, thou art my lord; I am thy servant; all 
thou seest is thine. Take what thou fanciest ; I do not 
oppose thy power. Command; thy servant obeys." 

The Tartar immediately leaped from his horse, en- 
tered the house, and cast a careless glance on all the 
precious adornments it contained. His eyes rested 
upon the brilliant beauty of the lady of the house, 
who appeared, tastefully attired, to greet him there, 
no less graciously than her consort. 

The Tartar seized her, with scarcely a moment's hesi- 
tation, and, unheedful of her shrieks, swung himself 
upon the saddle, and spurred away, carrying off his 
lovely booty. 

All this was but an instant's work. The nobleman 
was thunderstruck, yet he recovered, and hastened to 
the gate. He could hardly distinguish, in the distance, 
the figures of the lady and her relentless captor. A 



PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 105 

length a deep sigh burst from his overcharged heart, 
and he exclaimed in the bitterness of his bereavement : 
" Alas ! poor Tartar !" 



Matrimony has been defined An insane desire on the 
part of a young man to pay a young woman's board. 
But it might be said, with equal justice, to be An insane 
desire on the part of a young woman, to secure — a 
master. 

The First Marriage. — And Adam said : " This 
is now bone of my bone, and flesh of my flesh : she 
shall be called woman because she was taken out of 
man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and 
mother and cleave unto his wife. They shall be one 
flesh." 

No cards. 

In a country church-yard is found this epitaph : 
" Here lie the bodies of James Eobinson and Euth his 
wife ;" and, underneath, this text: "Their warfare is 
accomplished." 

A lady having died unmarried at the age of sixty- 
five, the following epitaph was engraved upon her 
tombstone : 

" She was fearfully and wonderfully maid." 



" This animal," said a menagerie-man, is exceedingly 
timid and retired in its habits. It is seldom seen by 
the human eye — sometimes never ! " 



If it was Talleyrand who described language as a 
gift bestowed upon man in order to enable him to con- 
ceal his thoughts, he scarcely made that use of it, 
when, in reply to some friend who asked his opinion of 



106 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 

a certain lady, he said : " She has but one fault — she 
is insufferable ! " 



"What do you want?" demanded an irate house- 
holder, called to the window at eleven o'clock, by the 
ringing of the door-bell : 

" Want to stay here all night." 

" Stay there, then ! " Window closed emphatically. 



"I want to go to the Eevere," said a stranger in 
Boston to a citizen on the street. 

"Well, you may go, if you'll come back pretty 
soon," was the satisfactory reply. 



" I wish to take you apart for a few moments," one 
gentleman said to another in a mixed company. 

" Very well," said the person addressed, rising and 
preparing to follow the first speaker 5 "but I shall 
insist on being put together again ! " 



Two gentlemen meeting at the door of a street-car 
in Toledo, and entering together, both faultlessly- 
dressed for the evening, one of them, glancing at his 
companion's attire, asked briskly : " Well ! who is to 
be bored to-night?" "I don't know," said the other, 
as briskly, " Where are you going f 



This is the way it sounded to the congregation 

" Wawkaw swaw daw aw waw, 
Thaw saw thaw Law ahwaw, 
Wawkaw taw thaw rahvawvaw braw 
. .„ Aw thaw rahjawsaw aw!" 



PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 107 

this is what the choir undertook to sing : 

" Welcome sweet day of rest, 
That saw the Lord arise ! 
Welcome to this reviving breast, 
And these rejoicing eyes ! " 



Mary Wortley Montague was epigrammatic when 
she divided mankind into " three classes — men, 
women, and the Hervey family"; an English writer of 
the present century, when he summed up Harriet Mar- 
tineau's creed, in a travesty on the Mohammedan con- 
fession of faith, " There is no God, and Harriet is his 
prophet ; v an English critic, who described Forster's 
Life of Charles Dickens as a "Biography of John 
Forster, with Eeminiscences of Dickens " ; an Ameri- 
can, who said of one of his own noted countrymen 
(and it is equally true of many others), " He is a self- 
made man, and he worships his Creator;" finally, 
President Grant, when he exclaimed: " Sumner does^ j 
not believe the Bible r, I am not surprised 5 he didn't 
write it ! " 

Charles Francis Adams, in his eloquent eulogy on 
W. H. Seward, lapses into a mixed metaphor which is, 
perhaps, all things considered, one of the most remark- 
able on record. " One single hour," he says, " of the 
will displayed by General Jackson, at the time when 
Mr. Calhoun — the most powerful leader secession ever 
had — was abetting active measures, would have stifled 
the fire in its cradle." 

This is scarcely excelled even by Sir Eoche Boyle's 
celebrated trope : "I smell a rat. I see him floating in 
the air. But, mark me, I shall nip him in the bud !" 



M. B. was planning plank walks from the front doors 
of his Ellicottville cottage to the gate, wishing to com- 



108 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 

bine greatest convenience with least possible encroach- 
ment upon the verdure of the modest lawn. " Friends 
in council,' 7 assisting at his deliberations, took diverse 
views of the case. One would have the walks meet 
obliquely in the form of a Y. Another insisted that 
whatever angles there were, should be right angles, 
etc. Finally, M. B. remarked : " Well ! we don't seem 
to agree. No two of us agree. I think Fll plank the 
yard all over, and, where I want the grass to grow 

BORE HOLES !" 



Eeaders who admire the elliptical and suggestive 
style, and who, therefore, adore Mrs. R. H. D. and 
Mrs. A. D. T. W., ought to be pleased with the instruc- 
tions given by a Philadelphian million-heiress to her 
agent, in this wise, faudivij : 

" Where the men are at work, they will throw stones 
and earth and timbers against that tree, and there is 
no use in it. By a little care they could avoid it, but 
they 7 won't be careful. So I'd like you, as soon as pos- 
sible, to put a protection around it — because it isn't 



. . . " No, you needn't drive her out of the 
grounds. Cows are not allowed to run in the street, 
and the owner is liable for trespass if they do* Shut 
her up in the yard, and if the owner don't come for her 
to-morrow — Pound her — because there is a law against it. 



"Aha !" said a Hibernian gentleman, surprised at his 
neighbor's unusual promptness; "Aha! So you're 
first, at last 1 you were always behind before ! " 

Another Emerald Islander, speaking at his breakfast 
table of the difference between travel by steam and 
the old mode, thus illustrated the point: "Afore tbe 
rail-road was built, if ye left Elmira at noon, and 



PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 109 

drove purty fast, ye might likely get to Corniug to tea. 
But to-day, if ye were to start from Elmira at noon on 
an Express train for Corning, why, ye're there Now P 



Caledonian shrewdness and the Caledonian dialect, 
alike speak for themselves, in a" bonny Scot's " defi- 
nition of metaphysics: "When the mon wha is list- 
enin', dinna ken what the ither is talkin' aboot, and the 
mon wha is talkin' dinna ken it himsel', that is meta- 
pheesicks." 

" Be what you would seem to be," said the Duch- 
ess, in Lewis Carroll's delightfully droll story of " Alice' 
Adventures," — " or, if you like it put more simply : 
Never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than what 
it might appear to others, that what you were or might 
have been, was not otherwise than what you had been 
would have appeared to them to be otherwise." 

That is slightly metapheesickal, perhaps ; and the 
same objection might be urged against Dr. Hunter's 
favorite motto: "It is pretty impossible, and, there, 
fore, extremely difficult for us to convey unto others 
those ideas whereof we are not possessed of ourselves." 

It was Dr. Hunter, who, some years before the war, 
returned from Florida, where he had spent the winter 
in a vain quest of health, and exhibited to one of his 
friends a thermometer he had procured there, marked 
from 120° only down to zero. 

"It was manufactured at the South, I suppose?" 
she said. 

" Oh, no ! " was his reply : "It was made in Boston. 
It's a Northern thermometer, with Southern principles." 



Colonel Bingham, of brave and witty memory, had 
resigned his commission in the Union army, and come 

6 



110 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 

Lome to die. During Lis lingering illness, tLe family 
received a visit from a distant relative, a Carolina lady, 
with strong secession proclivities, but with sufficient 
tact not to express them freely before her Northern 
friends. However, she could not altogether conceal 
them, but would often express her sympathy for " tLe 
soldiers, on botb sides" — wish she could distribute the 
fruit of the peach-orchard among them, "on both 
sides," &c. 

One day when the Colonel was suffering, witb his 
usual fortitude, one of Lis severest paroxysms of pain, 
tLe lady looked in at tLe door of Lis room, and, after 
watching him a few moments with an expression of the 
keenest commiseration, she turned away. Just as soon 
as he could breathe again, he gasped out : 

" Cousin — Sallie — looked — as if— she was — sorry for 
me — on both sides !" 



A young lady who had married and come north to 
live, visited, after the lapse of a year or two, her 
southern home. It was in the palmy days of the pe- 
culiar institution, and she was as warmly welcomed by 
the colored as by the white members of the household. 
Just before her arrival, a bottle of medicine with a 
strong odor of Bourbon had been uncorked, and, after- 
ward, set away. After the first greetings were over, 
she exclaimed : 

" I smell spirits. What have you been doing V* 

Old Aunt Chloe, who had lingered in the room so as 
to be near the beloved new-comer, turned with an air 
of triumph to her mistress, who had often rebuked her 
belief in ghosts, and burst out with : 

" Dar, Missus ! Didn't I alius tole yo dere was 
sperits iu dis yere house? Sometimes T see 'em, some- 
times I hear 'em, an' yo wood'u b'lieve me ; but now, 
Miss Lizzie 's done gone smell 'em !" 



PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. Ill 

The first chapter of a Western novel is said to con- 
tain the following striking passage : 

All of a sudden the fair girl continued to sit on the 
sands, gazing upon the briny deep, upon whose bosom 
the tall ships went merrily by, freighted, ah ! who can 
tell with how much joy and sorrow, and pine lumber, 
and emigrants, and hopes and salt fish ! 



u The story," said our host, with his inexhaustible 
humor and irresistible brogue, " is of a man who died, 
and forthwith presented himself at Heaven's gate, re- 
questing admittance. 

i Have ye bin to Purgatory, my mon V says St. Peter. 
' No, yer Eiverence.' 

1 Thin it's no good. Ye'll have to wait awhile.' 
While the unlucky i Peri ' was slowly withdrawing, 
another candidate approached, and the same question 
was asked him. 

1 No, yer Eiverence, but I've been married.' 
6 Well, that's all the same,' says St. Peter; * Come in !' 
At this, the first arrival taking heart of grace, ad- 
vanced again, and says he : 
L Plaze yer Eiverence, I've been married twice !' 
'Away wid ye! Away wid ye!' says St. Peter: 
1 Heaven is no place for fools !' " 



When, some years since, a coalition was talked of 
between the New York World, the Times, aud the 
Herald, the Tribune remarked that, after all, it would 
be nothing new; it was only the old story of " the 
world, the flesh, and the devil." 



In 1871, when the French President was undecided 
and inactive, in the face of all the frightful dangers 



112 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 

that threatened the nation, some wit quoted at him the 
well known verse from Tennyson : 

" Thiers ! Idle Thiers ! We know not what you 
mean !" 

In 73 a print was widely circulated in Germany, rep- 
resenting Bismarck pulling away at a rope which was 
fastened to the massive pillars of a Cathedral. At 
his side stood His Satanic Majesty, who thus ques- 
tioned him : 

" Well, my friend, what are you doing* V 

u Trying to pull down the Church. 77 

u Trying to pull down the Church I And' how long 
do you think it will take you V 9 

"Oh, perhaps three or four years. 77 

" Yery good, my friend, very good ! I have been 
trying that for the last eighteen hundred years ; and, 
if you succeed in three or four, I'll resign in your 
favor ! 77 

When a certain United States Senator disappointed 
his Ohio constituents by voting on what they thought 
the wrong side of a question, some one (who must have 
enjoyed his opportunity) hit him with the following 
quotation : " He 7 s Ben Wade, and found wanting. 77 



" John P. Hale is an old goose ! 77 exclaimed General 
Cass. Some friend was kind enough to repeat this 
saying to the Senator 5 who replied with a smile, (and, 
surely this was the " retort courteous, 77 ) " Tell Gen- 
eral Cass that he 7 s a Michi-gander ! 77 



At a public dinner in Boston, nearly twenty years 
ago, Judge Story proposed as a toast: " The Orator of 
the Day: Faraa follows merit wherEVER it goes! 77 



PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 113 

10 which Mr. Everett responded : " The President of 
the Day : To whatever height the fabric of jurispru- 
dence may aspire in this country, it can never rise 
above one Story !" 



A newspaper wit announces the discovery of a buried 
city in the following pathetic terms : Another lost city 
has been found on the coast of Siberia. Now let the 
man who lost it make his appearance, pay for this ad- 
vertisement, and take his old ruins away. 



It has been said that the faculty of generalization 
belongs equally to childhood and to genius. Was she 
a genius, clad in sable robes, and bewailing the recent 
loss of her husband — she was certainly not a child — 
who observed in conversation, with most impressive 
pathos : " For we are all liable to become a widow !" 



CHARACTERISTIC SAYINGS OF AMERICANS. 

Franklin said many things that have passed into 
maxims, but nothing that is better known and remem- 
bered than " He paid dear, very dear, for his whistle.' 7 

Washington made but very few epigrammatic 
speeches. Here is one : " To be prepared for war is the 
most effectual means of preserving peace." 

Did you ever hear of old John Dickinson ? Well, 
he wrote of Americans in 1768 : "By uniting we stand, 
by dividing we fall." 

Patrick Henry, as every school-boy knows, gave us, 
" Give me liberty, or give me death," and " If this be 
treason, make the most of it." 

Thomas Paine had many quotable epigrammatic 
sentences: "Rose like a rocket ; fell like a stick;" 



114 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 

" Times that try men's souls;" " One step from the 
sublime to the ridiculous," etc., etc. 

Jefferson's writings are so besprinkled that it is dif- 
ficult to select. In despair we jump at " Few die and 
none resign," certainly as applicable to office-holders 
now as in Jefferson's time. 

Henry Lee gave Washington his immortal title, 
' ' First in war, first in peace, and first in the hearts 
of his countrymen." 

Charles Cotesworth Pinckney declared in favor of 
' 'Millions for defence, but not one cent for tribute." 

" Peaceably if we can; forcibly if we must," is from 
Josiah Quincy, 1841. 

John Adams did not say, " Live or die, survive or 
perish, I am for the constitution," but Daniel Webster 
said it for him. 

The revolutionary age alone would give us our 
article, had we time to gather pearls. Coming down, 
we pass greater, but not more famous men. 

Davy Crockett was the illustrious author of "Be 
sure you are right, and then go ahead." 

Andrew Jackson gave us " The Union — it must be 
preserved." 

Benton almost lost his original identity in " Old 
Bullion," from his "hard money " doctrines. 

Governor Throop, of New York, was called " Small 
Light Troop" for years, from a phrase in a thanks- 
giving proclamation. 

Scott's " hasty plate of soup" lasted his lifetime. 

Taylor's battle order, " A little more grape, Captain 
Bragg," will be quoted after he is forgotten by " all 
the world and the rest of mankind." 

Seward is known for the " irrepressible conflict," 
wherever the English language is spoken. 

To Washington Irving we owe " The Almighty 
Dollar." 









PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 115 

Bufas Choate gave us " glittering generalities." 

Tom Corwin's " welcome with bloody hands to hos- 
pitable graves/*' gave him more unenviable criticism 
than any other saying in his life . . 

Calhoun gave us " state rights" as a most pernicious 
and absurd equivalent for national supremacy under 
the constitution. 

Douglas applied " squatter sovereignty,'" though it 
is probable that Oass invented it and Calhoun named it. 

Stringfellow was the original " Border Ruffian." 

War times gave us no end of epigrammatic utter- 
ances. Those of Lincoln alone would fill a volume — 
chief of these, is that noble sentiment : " With char- 
ity to all, and malice toward none." 

McClellan's " All quiet along the Potomac" was 
repeated so often that its echo will " ring down 
through the ages." 

To Gen. Butler the country was indebted for the 
phrase "Contraband of War," as applied to fugitive 
negroes found within our lines. 

Grant gave us " Fight it out on this line," " Uncon- 
ditional surrender," " I propose to move immediately 
upon your works," "Bottled up," and a hundred 
others. It seems to have escaped notice that Grant 
is responsible for more of these characterizing, elemen- 
tary crystallizations of thought, than any other military 
leader of modern times. 

One odd example occurs, in his response to Gen. 
Sheridan's telegram : " If things are pushed, L*e will 
surrender." "Push things !" was the reply, and that 
has passed into a proverb. 



DXALEOTIGAL. 
"The peculiarities of the Yankee dialect are most 
amusingly exemplified by James Russell Lowell, in the 



116 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 

Biglow Papers, especially in the First Series, from 
which the following extract is taken : 

I 'spose you wonder where I be ; I can't tell fur the soul o' me 
Exactly where I be myself, meanin' by thet, the hull o' me. 
When I left hum, I hed two legs, an' they wa'n't bad ones neither ; 
The scaliest trick they ever played, wuz bringin' on me hither — 
Now one on 'em's I dunno where, they thought I was a-dyin', 
An' cut it off, because they said 'twas kind of mortifyin'; 
I'm willin to believe it wuz, and yet I can't see, nuther, 
Why one should take to feelin' cheap a minute sooner 'n t'other, 
Sence both wuz equilly to blame — but things is ez they be ; 
It took on so they took it off, an' thet's enough for me. 
Where's my left hand? Oh, darn it! now I recollect wut's come on't. 
I haint no left hand but my right, and thet's got jest a thumb on't, 
It aint so handy as it wuz to calkylate a sum on't. 
I've lost one eye, but then, I guess, by diligently usin' it, 
The other'll see all I shall git by way of pay fer losin' it. 
I've hed some ribs broke, six I b'lieve, I haint kep' no account of 'em; 
When time to talk of pensions comes, we'll settle the amount of 'em. 
An' talkin' about broken ribs, it kinder brings to mind 
One that I couldn't never break — the one I left behind! 
Ef you should see her, jest clean out the spout o' your invention, 
And pour the longest sweetnin' in* about a annooal pension; 
And kinder hint, in case, you know, the critter should refuse to be 
Consoled. I aint so expensive now to keep, as wut I used to be : — 
There's one eye less, ditto one arm, an' then the leg that's wooden, 
Can be took off, an' sot away, whenever there's a pudden ! 

(Letter from Birdofreedom Sawin, a Mexican volun- 
teer, to a friend at home.) 



The Dundreary " dialect" is admirably illustrated in 

A LONDON EXQUISITE'S OPINION OF " UNCLE TOM'S 
CABIN." 

Aw must wead " Uncle Tom," — a wawk 
Which aw'm af waid's extwemely slow : 

People one meets begin to talk 
Of Mrs. Hawiet Beechah Stowe. 



PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. . 117 

'Tis not as if aw saw haw name 

To walls and wind aha still confined ; 
All that is meawly vulgah fame,: 

Aw don't wespect the common mind. 

But Stafla'd House has made haw quite 

Anothah kind of pawson look ; 
A countess would pawsist last night, 

In asking me about haw book. 

She wished to know if aw admiawd 

Eva, which quite confounded me ; 
And then haw ladyship in quia wed 

Whethaw aw didn't hate Legwee. 

Bai Jove ! Aw was completely flawed ; 

Aw wished myself, or haw, in Fwance ; 
And that's the way a fellah's bawed 

By evewy gahl he asks to dance ! 

Aw felt myself a^fcreataw fool 

Than aw had evaw felt befaw ; 
Aw'll study at some wagged school 

The tale of that old blackamaw ! 

It must be this same Mod of Englishman, of whom 
the following story is told : He was traveling on some 
American railroad, when a tremendous explosion took 
place ) the cars, at the same time, coming to a sudden 
halt. The passengers sprang up in terror, and rushed 
out to acquaint themselves with the cause and extent 
of the mischief, all but His Serene Highness, who con- 
tinued reading his newspaper. In a moment some one 
rushed back, and informed him that the boiler had 
burst. " Awe 1" grunted the Englishman. 

" Yes, and sixteen people have been killed !" 

" Awe !" he muttered again. 

"And — and," said his interlocutor, with an effort, 
6* 



118 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 

" your own man — your servant — has been blown into 
a hundred pieces V 9 

" Awe ! Bring rne the piece that has the key of my 
portmanteau \ n 



THE LEGAL "DIALECT," 



ODE TO SPRING. 



WRITTEN" IX A LAWYER'S OFFICE. 

Whereas, on sundry boughs and sprays 

2sTow divers birds are heard to sing, 
And sundry flowers their heads upraise, 

Hail to the coming on of spring ! 

The birds aforesaid, happy pairs ! 

Love 'midst the aforesaid boughs enshrines, 
In household nests, themselves, their heirs, 

Administrators and assigns. 

The songs of the said birds aiouse 

The memory of our youthful hours, 
As young and green as the said boughs, 

As fresh and fair as the said flowers. 

Oh, busiest term of Cupid's court ! 

Where tender plaintiffs actions bring ; 
Seasons of frolic and of sport, 

Hail, as aforesaid, coming spring ! 

; < Broad Wiltshire n is sampled below, in a psalm 
given out by the Clerk of Bradford Parish Church 
during an Episcopal visitation : 

Let us zing to the praayze an' glawry 'o God, dree verses of the 
hundred an' vourteenth zaam, — a version specially 'dapted to the 
casion, by myself : 

Why hop ye zo 2 ye little hills, 

And what var do'ee skip ? 
Is it acoz you'm proud to zee 
His grace, the Lard Bi&hip f 



PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 119 

"Why skip ye zo ye little hills, 

And what var do'ee hop ? 
Is it acoz to preach to we, 

Is corned the Lard Bishop ? 

Ees — he has corned to preach to we,— 

Then let us aal strick up, 
An' zing a glawrious zong of praayze, 

An' bless the Lard Bishop / 



Persons fond of economizing words, sometimes use 
figures (are they figures of speech !) and letters, in 
their stead. Thus, the fate of all earthly things is pre- 
sented by the consonants DK — a view of the case en * 
tirely consonant with our own observation. 

The following is a printer's short-hand method of ex- 
pressing his emotions : 

2 KT J. 

An SA now I mean 2 write 

2 U, sweet KT J, 
The girl without a || , 

The belle of UTK. 

I lder if U got the 1 

I wrote 2 U, B4 
I sailed in the KKDA, 

And sent by LN Moore ? 

My MT head will scarce contain 

A calm IDA bright, 
But, 8T miles from U, I must 

M -^ > — this chance to write. 

^ - And first, should NB NV U, 

B EZ, mind it not ; 
Should NE friendship show, B true ; 
They should not be forgot. 



120 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 

But friends and foes alike DK, 
As U may plainly C, 

In every funeral RA, 
And every LEG. 

From virtU never DV8 ; 

Her influence B9 
Alike induces lOdernS, 

And 40tude divine. 

This SA until UIC, 
I pray U 2 to XQQ; 

And not to burn in EIGr 
My young and lOder muse. 

Now fare U well, DR KT J, 
I trust that U R true ; 

"When this U 0, then U can say 
An SA IOU. 



AN APPECTING STORY, 

EAR BB loved a maid, 

He loved her to XS, 
And XRSIId his NRG& 

2 her and eonfS. 

Says he, " A meeting 111 proQR, 

B4 the day is past ; 
In spite of all my NMEB, 

She shall B mine at last." 

Now UUULe, MLE 

"Was lOdR and B9, 
EMN8 and gentL 2, 

Some thO she was Divine, 

But poor IIAR made her X, 
She said he was a calf — 

SPCLE ODS; 

spoke in his BJ. 



PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 121 

She said, " Should you go on UR nEE, 

And melt awA in TRR, 
Or WR at lOtions 4 

The futR 50 years. 

" TJ still would B 2 me, 

TJR not 2 my mind , 
So prA B TYR, sir, and go 
Some betR maid 2 find. 

" DR MLE, my love's XS, 

PrithE X10U8, 
XQQ — 4give — and love me, or 

I'll take an OP8." 

And so he did. Alas ! poor man I 

Kind readR shed a TR, 
He took the OPM so strong, 

It laid him on his BR ! 



GEOKGE AND HIS POPPAK. 

Feb. 22, a.d. 1738. 

There lived once a plan-ti-er 

With his son, his only love, 
To whom, upon his birth-day, 

A brand new ax he guv. 

This farmer had a gar-di-ing, 

All filled with apple trees, 
"Which, for the city mar-ki-et, 

He tried for to reeze. 

The son he takes the hatch-i-et, 

Quite jolly and jocund, 
And, going to the apple trees, 

He chops them to the grund. 

The farmer called his serv-i-ents, 

And ranged them in a row ; 
" Now, who has chopped my apple trees, 

And killed them, root and bo' ?" 



122 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 

The servants stand ama-zi-ed, 

All drawn up in a line ; 
Then comes a running up to him, 

His young and hopeful sci'n. 

" I cannot tell a lie, poppar, " 
This truthful boy began ; 

" 'Twas I who chopped your apple trees, 
'Twas I, your little san." 

Now, who'd you s'pose this buffer was ? 

And who his filial kin ? 
It was the immortal' Bushrod, 

And the late G-. Washingtin I 

Feb. 22, 1815. Moral. 

Now, whoso takes a hatch-i-et, 
And apple trees cuts down, 

"Will be, if he lives long enough, 
A great and pious moun . 






The preceding poem, while it places in a new light 
the immortal history of the hatchet, also illustrates 
the wonderful adaptability of the English language to 
the purposes of the poet. Thus, in the last stanza, a 
rhyme is required for " down," while the sense de- 
mands the word " man" at the end of the correspond- 
ing line. Instantly the ingenious author perceives the 
remedy, and changes "man" to "moun," which 
doesn't mean anything to interfere with the sense, and 
rhymes with " down" in the most satisfactory manner. 

Other fine illustrations of this kind are found in that 
learned translation of a part of the Eneid, published 
a few years since at Winsted, Connecticut. Thus : 

" The hair stood endwise on his powdered wig, 
Like quills upon the fretful porcupig ; 
He wants to go, and then again he doesn't ; 
The situation is indeed unpluzzent." 



PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 123 

The temptation is strong to quote just here several 
parallel passages from Davidson's very literal transla- 
tion and from this Winsted version. We will give 
one, for the sake of the contrast. 

" Eetuming Aurora now illuminates the earth with 
the lamp of Phoebus, and has chased away the dewy 
shades from the sky, when Dido, half-frenzied, thus 
addressed her sympathizing sister : 

Sister Anna, what dreams terrify and distract my 
mind ! What think you of this wondrous guest who 
has come to our abode f In mien how graceful he ap- 
pears! In manly fortitude and warlike deeds how 
great ! I am fully persuaded, (nor is my belief 
groundless,) that he is the offspring of the gods. Had 
I not been fixed and steadfast in my resolution never 
to join myself to any in the bonds of wedlock, since 
my first love by death mocked and disappointed me, I 
might, perhaps, give way. Anna, since the death of 
my unhappy spouse Sichaeus, since the household gods 
were stained with his blood, shed by a brother, this 
stranger alone has warped my inclinations, and inter- 
ested my wavering mind. I recognize the symptoms 
of my former flame. But he who first linked me to 
himself, hath borne away my affection. May he pos- 
sess it still, and retain it in the grave. ( Liber Quartus. 
Ibid.) 

Next day the sun rose at the proper time, 
And much improved the Carthaginian clime, 
"When thus her sister Anna she addressed : 
" Sister, my nights are full of wild unrest : 
This nice young man that's now a-stopping here 
To my affections is a-growing dear; 
Celestial is his origin I know, — 
Such fearless souls don't emanate below. 
My grief ! what savage fights that man has fit, 
And how genteel he can get. up and git ! 



124 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 

'F I hadn't vowed not to unite again, 
I'm not quite certain but I should cave in. 
Since poor dear Sic was slew by brother Tjg, 
For no live man I've ever cared a fig, 
Till unto Carthage this brave hero came — 
But now — I swan — I feel the ancient flame. 
Yet, while Sicheeus keeps his coffined state, 
My heart lies with his ashes — that's my gait." 



Prizes having been offered for rhymes corresponding 
to " Ipecacuanha," and " Timbuetoo/' it is to be hoped 
that the ingenious authors of the following verses 
gained them : 

As I was walking in the grove 

With my Julianna, 
Some oranges I gave my love, 

Pine-apple and banana ; 
And then, her headache to remove, 

Some ipecacuanha. 



If I were a cassowary 

On the plains of Timbuctoo, 
I would eat a missionary, 

Mesh and bones, and hymn-book, too. 

"And the moral of that is," as the Duchess ob- 
served : 

That step can find no place 
In rhyme, is not the case : 

'Tis quite absurd : 
To find a rhyme for " step," 
Tou only have to sep- 

Arate a word. 

Also : (" month w having been declared unrhymable ;) 

They seized a soldier in Broadway, 

December was the month ; 
He saw his pistols thrown away, 

He also saw his gun th- 
rown away ! 



PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 



125 



In W. G. Clarke's youth he was requested by a 
young lady in the millinery line to contribute a poem 
to her album. Her " Album " was an account book di- 
verted from its original purpose, and he responded as 
follows : 



To Miss Lucretia Sojplionisba Matilda Jtrusha Catling 

Thou canst not hope, nymph divine 
That I should ever court the 
Or that, when passion's glow is done, 
My heart can ever love but 
"When, from Hope's flowers exhales the dew, 
Then Love's false smiles desert us 
Then Fancy's radiance 'gins to flee, 
And life is robbed of all the 
And Sorrow sad her tears must pour 
O'er cheeks where roses bloomed be 
Yes 1 life's a scene all dim as Styx ; 
Its joys are dear at 
Its raptures fly so quickly hence 
They're scarcely cheap at 
Oh ! for the dreams that then survive I 
They're high at pennies 
The breast no more is filled with heaven 
"When years it numbers 
And yields it up to Manhood's fate 
About the age of 

Finds the world cold and dim and dirty 
Ere the heart's annual count is 
Alas ! for all the joys that follow 
I would not give a quarter dollar. 



Thus, my dear maid, I send to you 
The balance of my meter due ; 
Please scrutinize the above amount, 
And set it down to my account. 



9 

1 

2 

3 

4 

6 
18d 
25 
21 
28 
30 
25 



1 97£ 



126 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 

"FRAGMENTS OP Atf OKIGINAL LOVE STOKY," 

BY 

J. G-. Staunton, and a South Carolina Lady. 

After a "lovers' 
quarrel," when the party of the first part 

Meekly approached and knelt down at her feet, 

Praying loud as before he had ranted, 

That she would forgive him, and try to be sweet, 
And said " Can't you?" the dear girl re-canted. 

Then softly he whispered " How could you do so ? 

I certainly thought I was jilted ; 
But come now with me ; to the parson we'll go I 

Say, wilt thou, my dear ?" and she wilted. 

Then gaily he took her to see his new home ; 

A cottage by no means enchanted ; 
" Ah! here we can live without longing to roam," 

He said, " Sha'n't we, my love ?" and they shantied, 

And gently beamed o'er them love's rose-colored ray ; 

(The bridegroom and bride of this ballad ;) 
He said "Let us walk at the close of the day, 

My own lovely Sail," and they sallied. 

He plucked her the sweetest and loveliest flowers 
That scented the path where they wandered ; 

And when she exclaimed " Let us turn from these bowers, 
To roam near the pond!" then they pondered. 

Old time softly paused o'er the home of this pair, 

Nor grief nor perplexity haunted ; 
And when the meek husband asked " What shall I wear?" 

"Plaid pants," she replied, and he panted. 

She, like a good wife, made his wardrobe her care ; 

(Neglecting it seemed to her wicked ; ) 
So, when she brought linen, all shining and fair, 

Saying "Wear this, dear Dick!" then he dickied . 



PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 127 

And when a bright bud of divinity came, 

To gladden the home where it tarried, 
They put it to vote that the young stranger's name 

Sweet Carrie should be, aud ' twos carried. 



But perhaps the most "pronounced" example of 
adaptability, as referred to above, is found in a poem 
recently contributed to a Rochester paper. 

" Spring, sprang, beautiful sprung 1 
The wild-winged warblers are wanging a wung, 
And the soft southern breezes are brazing a broze, . 
That thaws up the ice with remarkable thoze. 

betterest time of all moments of tome, 
I'll rhyme thee a rhimelet in tenderest rhome, 
And tell thee how oft in my longing, I've lung 
To welcome thy coming, beautiful sprung 1 

Symbolical season ! exquisitest soze ! 
All nature uprising in gleefulest gloze, 
Wide opens its larynx to sing and to shout, 
Exuberant pleasure and gratef ulest grout . 

The blithe little rivulets run to the seas, — 
The little buds start on tbe hemlocks and trees ; 
The wild geese are screaming their vigorest scream, 
And the frogs that were dreaming no longer will dream. 

Of course there is sadness in thinking the thought 
That there'll be no more skating for skaters who 

skaught ; 
But the Erie Canal, with its decrease in tolls, 
Will cause us to smile a succession of smoles. 



If " the exigencies of rhyme " need not be consid- 
ered in constructing English verse, neither need the 



128 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 

exigencies of rhythm, as shown by the following highly 
artistic couplets : 

Tne wind blew down our well-sweep, 
And father and I put it up again sheep. 



"Wasn't Pharaoh a Pascal 

Because he wouldn't let the children of Israel go three days' 
journey into the wilderness, to celebrate the Paschal ? 



In '73, a modest volume of poems was published by 
an Hon. and Eev. gentleman of Central New York,* 
in which occur the following rather surprising verses: 
(not consecutively, but here and there.) 

bright shining morn of the year, 
I cannot foretell thy events ; 

Trusting in God, why should I fear, 
Though having so many relents ! 

1 looked on his form ; 'twas like mine ; 
Transparent his body did seem; 

His vigor could never repine ; 
With glory his features all gleam. 

Oh, that the great ocean of love, 

Where all the inhabitants bathe, 
Ere they go to the bright realms above, 

In His sight to whom they have clave. 

We saw there as beacons of light 

God's temples of worship, so fair; 
We saw there, enlisted in fight, 

The wicked who cursed God with dare. 
* * * * * 
then they all sang as before, 

And the prophets they came rushing down ; 
And skipping, they came to that shore 

Where saints shall forever be crowned I 

* The book was written in good faith, and was published for the benefit of 
the Syracuse University. 









PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 129 

To find the "concealed sense" (concealed nonsense!) 
of the verses that follow, the first and third, second 
and fourth lines, are read consecutively : 

That man must lead a happy life, 
"Who's free from matrimonial chains ; 

Who is directed by a wife, 
Is sure to suffer for his pains. 

Adam could find no solid peace, 

"When Eve was given for a mate ; 
Till he beheld a woman's face, 

Adam was in a happy state. 

In all the female race appear 

Hypocrisy, deceit, and pride, 
The tokens of a heart sincere, 

In woman never did reside. 

"What tongue is able to unfold 

The failings that in woman dwell ? 
The merits in her we behold, 

Are almost imperceptible. 

Confusion take the man, I say, 

Who makes a woman his delight ! 
"Who will no court to women pay, 

Keeps always reason in his sight. 

This is nonsense, too ; though, certainly, women are 
the faultiest of human beings — except men. 

Be that as it may, few women have ever been more 
severely, or, perhaps, more justly, cauterized, than poor 
Job's poor wife, in Coleridge's celebrated Epigram : 

Sly Beelzebub took all occasions 

To try Job's constancy and patience. 

He took his honor, took his health, 

He took his children, took his wealth, 

His servants, horses, oxen, cows — 

But cunning Satan did not take his spouse. 



130 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 

But Heaven, that brings out good from evil, 
And loves to disappoint the Devil, 
Had predetermined to restore 
Twofold all Job had lost before : 
His servants, horses, oxen, cows. 
Short-sighted i^atan ! not to take his spouse? 



SEOEET CORRESPONDENCE. 
A young lady, newly married, being obliged to show 
her husband all the letters she wrote, sent the follow- 
ing to an intimate friend : 

I cannot be satisfied, my dearest friend, 

blest as I am in the matrimonial state, 

until I confide to your most friendly keeping 

trustiDg to your interest in what interests me, 

the various deep sensations which swell 

with the liveliest feelings of satisfaction 

my almost bursting heart. I tell you, my dear 

husband is one of the most amiable of men. 

I have been married nearly seven weeks, and 

have never found the least possible reason to 

repent the day that joined us. My husband is 

in person and manners far from resembling those 

ugly, cross, old, disagreeable and jealous 

monsters, who think by confining to secure 

a wife, it is his maxim to treat as a 

bosom friend and confidant and not as a 

plaything or menial slave the woman 

chosen to be his companion. Neither party 

he frequently says, ought to obey implicitly, 

but each yield to the other in turn. 

I know my husband loves nothing more 

than he does me ; he flatters me more 

than the glass, and his intoxication 

(for I must so call the excess of his love,) 

often makes me blush for the unworthiness 

of its object, and wish I could be more deserving 

of the man whose name I bear. To 

say all in one word, my dearest friend, and to 



PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 131 

crown the whole, my former gallant lover 
is now my indulgent husband. My fondness 
is returned, and I might have married 
a prince, without the felicity I find with 
him ! Adieu ! May you be blest as I am un- 
able to wish that I could be more 
happy. 

(The key to the above letter is to omit every alternate 
line : reading the first, third, fifth, &c, consecutively.) 



It is said that among ancient Christian devices the 
figure of a fish occurs very frequently, with the in- 
scription anthropou (in Greek letters), signifying of 
man. The following explanation has been given : 
The Greek word for fisli is ichthus, and each of the five 
letters composing the Greek word, (ch and th being- 
each represented by only one letter, ) is the initial of a 
significant word, as follows : 

iesus — Jesus, 
christos — Christ, 
theou — of God, 
uios — Son, 
soter — Saviour. 

The whole, followed by anthropou, (the word in- 
scribed upon the figure of the fish,) forms a profession 
of Christian faith : 

Jesus Christ, Son of God, Saviour of Men. 



Pilate's question addressed to our Lord, u What is 
truth?" "Quid est Veritas V> contains in itself, by a 
perfect anagram, its own answer : u Est vir qui 
adest :" " It is the Man who stands before youP 

When " I cry that I sin " is transposed, it is clear 
My resource, "Christianity," soon will appear. 



132 



PUZZLES 



)DITIES. 



The following very curious sentence, " Sator arepo 
teret opera rotas," is not first-class Latin, but may be 
freely translated : " I cease from my work ; the mower 
will wear his wheels." It is, in fact, something like a 
nonsensical verse, but has these peculiarities : 1st. It 
spells backward and forward the same. 2d. Then, 
the first letter of each word spells the first word. 3d. 
Then, all the second letters of each word spell the 
second word. 4th. Then, all the third, and so on 
through, the fourth and fifth. 5th. Then, commencing 
with the last word, the last letter of each word spells 
the first word. 6th. Then, the next to the last, and so 
on, through. 



The lines which constitute the Pyramid below, may 
be read from the base upward, or from the apex down- 
ward, indifferently. 

There 

For aye 

To s t a y , 

Commanding, 

'T i s standing, 

With G-od-like air, 

Sublimely fair. 

Its form declaring, 

' Its height admiring, 

Looks on it from afar 

L o ! every smiling star. 

To raise the pile to heaven 

These beauteous stones are given, 

Each prayer for truth-inspiring light, 

Each manly struggle for the right, 

Each kindly word to cheer the lowly, 

Each aspiration for the holy, 

E a c h strong temptation overcome, 

Each clamorous passion held in silence dumb. 

As it arises slowly toward the upper heaven 

Stone after stone until the mass is given. 

Its base upon the earth, its apex in the skies, 

The good man's character, a pyramid doth rise. 



PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 133 

"Revolution" is transposed " to love ruin," and 
"French Revolution," " Violence run forth." 

One of the prettiest of modern anagrams is " Flor- 
ence Nightingale," " Flit on, cheering angel." 



If the name Napoleon be successively " beheaded " 
till only two letters are left, each remainder forms a 
significant word ; and these words, combined in a cer- 
tain manner, form a concise sketch of Napoleon the 
First. Thus : 

Napoleon, Apoleon, Poleon, Oleon, 

destroying, cities, destructive, 
Leon, Eon, On, 

lion, going about, being. 

Napoleon, on, oleon, leon, eon, apoleon, poleon. 

Napoleon being a destructive lion, going about de- 
stroying cities. 



The following sentence of only thirty-four letters 
contains all the letters of the alphabet : 
John quickly extemporized five tow bags. 



HISTORY. 
• Sir Walter Ealeigh, in his prison, was composing 
the second volume of his " History of the World.' 
Leaning on the sill of his window, he meditated on the 
duties of the historian to mankind, when suddenly his 
attention was attracted by a disturbance in the court 
yard before his cell. He saw one man strike another 
whom he supposed by his dress to be an officer $ the 
latter at once drew his sword, and ran the former 
through the body. The wounded man felled his ad- 
versary with a stick, and then sank upon the pave- 

1 



134 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 

merit. At this juncture the guard came up, and 
carried off the officer insensible, and then the corpse 
of the man who had been run through. 

Next day Ealeigh was visited by an intimate friend, 
to whom he related the circumstances of the quarrel, 
and its issue. To his astonishment, his friend unhes- 
itatingly declared that the prisoner had mistaken the 
whole series of incidents which had passed before his 
eyes. 

The supposed officer was not an officer at all, but 
the servant of a foreign ambassador ; it was he who 
had dealt the first blow ; he had not drawn his sword, 
but the other had snatched it from his side, and had 
run him through the body before any one could inter- 
fere ; whereupon a stranger, from among the crowd, 
knocked the murderer down with his stick ; and some 
of the foreigners belonging to the ambassador's ret- 
inue carried off the corpse. 

Raleigh's friend added that the Government had or- 
dered the arrest and immediate trial of the murderer, 
as the man assassinated was one of the principal ser- 
vants of the Spanish ambassador. 

" Excuse me," said Ealeigh, " but I cannot have 
been deceived as you suppose, for I was eye-witness to 
the events, which took place under my own window ; 
and the man fell there on that spot where you see a 
paving stone standing up above the rest." 

" My dear Sir Walter," replied his friend, " I was 
sitting on that stone when the fray took place, and I 
received this slight scratch on my cheek in snatching 
the sword from the murderer. Upon my word of 
honor, you were deceived in every particular." 

Sir Walter, when alone, took up the second volume 
of his history, which was in manuscript, and, contem- 
plating it, thought : " If two men see the same thing 



PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 135 

so differently — nay, if I cannot believe my own eyes, 
how can I be assured of the truth of a tithe of the events 
which happened ages before I was born V and he 
flung the manuscript into the fire. 

Charles Dudley Warner, travelling in Nubia and 
Egypt, asserts that " The Arabian Nights' Entertain- 
ment w is the best history ever written. In the light 
of the above facts, perhaps it is. 



ST, ANTHONY'S PISH-SEEMON. 

From a German versification of a passage from the 
works of Abraham a Santa Clara, a Jesuit preacher 
of the Seventeenth Century. 

St. Anthony, one day 

Tound the Church empty, Sunday : 

So he goes to the river, 

A discourse to deliver: 

They're ready to listen - 

Their tails flop and glisten. 

The carps, those old scorners, 
Come out of their corners ' T 
Their carping suspended, 
Their jaws wide extended, 
(Ears wanting — ) to swallow 
Eemarks that might follow. 

The pouts, cross-grained pouters — 
Those well-known come-outers, — 
!For this once go-inners, 
Confessed themselves sinners. 
The pouts said they never 
Heard a sermon so clever. 

Crabs and mud-turtles also, 
That usually crawl so, 



136 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 

And in dirt their heads bury, 
Came up in a hurry. 
Crabs and turtles had never 
Heard sermon so clever. 

Eels and sturgeons, best livers - 
Of all in the rivers — 
Forsaking their dinners 
Bewailed themselves sinners. 
Eels and sturgeons had never 
Heard sermon so clever. 

And lastly, those odd fish 
We mortals call codfish — 
Their glass eyes distended— 
Devoutly attended, 
Like rational creatures, 
This greatest of preachers. 

And dog-fish and cat-fish, 
And flounders and flat-fish, 
And, finally, all fish, 
Both great fish and small fish, 
Came swimming and squirming 
In shoals to the sermon ; 
And all said they never 
Had heard one so clever. 

But when it was ended, 
To their business all wended ; 
The pikes to their thieving, 
The eels to good living ; 
The crab still went crooked, 
The codfish was stupid: 
Yet none of them ever 
Heard sermon so clever 1 



A susceptible youth addressed the following highly 
classical letter to a young lady whose poetical effu- 
sions, dated " Pine Woods," had won his heart : 

Permittere me dicere, carissima puella, ego habeo 



PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 13T 

visus vestris dulces fanes in papyrus. Ego lignum 
simile videre te plurimo. Ego nosco nos lignum 
autumnus in amore cum unus alter. Tuus versus 
spectaculum genius et tener cors. Ego lignum 
ealcitro tuum durum cordatum patrem ex portis, et 
ego possum duo, si ille erat non complacens et omnis 
rectus. Yolo ad vistare te, sed non nosco ubi Pinus 
Sylva sit. Prendam Erie maledictum-viam ? Ubi est 
id $ Ero membrum legis, proximo vero, et turn, cum 
pocket libro pleno stamporum, cano in manu, silko 
castore super capito, ego non euro pro omnibus tauri- 
canibus in Pino-silva, nam meum canum est fors, et 
decutiam sua capita — sed sufficit. 

Omnium pro te, 

Unus qui amat. 



FELIS ET MUEES. 

BY GREENE KENDRICK. 

Felis sedit by a hole ; 
Intenta she, cum omne soul, 

Prendere rats ; 
Mice cucurrerunt over the floor, 
In numero, duo, tres, or more, 

Obliti cats. 

Felis saw them oculis ; 

41 I'll have them," in quit she, " I guess, 

Dum ludunt ;" 
Tunc ilia crept toward the group, — 
" Habeam," dixit, "good rat soup; 

Pingues sunt!" 

Mice continued all ludere ; 
Intenti they in ludum vere, 

G-audenter : 
Tunc rushed the felis into them, 
Et tore them omnes, limb from limb, 

Violenter. 



138 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 

MORAL. 

Mures, omnes, now beware ! 
Of hungry felis have a care 

Nox et die ; 
Si hoc facis " verbum sat;" 
Avoid a huge and hungry cat, 

Studiose ! 



Ego nunquam audivi such terrible news, 
As at this present tempus my senses confuse ; 
I am drawn for a miles, I must go cum Marte, 
Et, communis ense, engage Bonapar-te ; 
But soon we will show to this Corsican vaunter, 
That, though times may change, Britoxs never mutantur. 
Dr. Porson. 

Tres fratres stolidi 

Took a boat for Philippi ; 

Stormum surgebat 

Et boatum overturnebat ; 

Omnes drown erunt 

Qui swimmere non potuerunt 




THE EHINE. 

Oh the Rhine, the Rhine, the Rhine ! 

Comme c'est beau ! wie schon ! che bello ! 
He who quaffs thy Lust and Wein, 

Morbleu ! is a lucky fellow. 

How I love thy rushing streams, 
Groves of ash and birch and hazel, 

Erom Schaffhausen's rainbow beams, 
Jusqu 'a l'echo d' Oberwesel ! 

Oh, que j'aime the Briichen, when 
The crammed Dampschiff gayly passes ! 

Love the bronzed pipes of thy men, 
And the bronzed cheeks of thy lasses ! 

Oh, que j'aime the "oui," the " bah," 
From the motley crowd that flow, 

"With the universal " ja," 
And the Allo-emeine "So!" 



PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 139 

LATIU POEM. 

FOR THE LEARNED. 

Hei didulum, didulura, atque iterum didulum, 

Felisque, Eidisque! 
Vacca super Lunse cornua prosiluit 
Nescio qua catulus risit dulcedine ludi, 
Ab stunt et turpi lanx cochleare fuga ! 



FRENCH SONG. 

Chantons une chanson a six sous, 

La poche pleine de ble ; 
Vingt-quatre oiseaux noirs 

Ouits dans un pate ! 
Quand le pate s'ouvrit, 

Les oiseaux levaient leurs voix ; 
N'etait-ce pas un joli plat, 

Mettre devant le Roi ? 



IOH BIB" DEDT. 

ENGLISH, LATIN, GREEK, FRENCH AND GERMAN " MACARONI." 

In tempus old a hero lived 

Qui loved puellas deux, 
He ne pouvait pas quite to say 

"Which one amabat mieux. 

Dit-il lui-m£me, un beau matin, 

" Non possum both avoir ; 
Sed si address Amanda Anne, 

Then Kate and I have war!" 

Amanda habet argent coin 

Sed Kate has aureas curls 
Et both sunt very agathse 

Et quite formosse girls. 

Enfin, the youthful anthropos 

Philoun the duo maids, 
Resolved proponere ad Kate 

Avant cet evenino-'s shades. 



14:0 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 

Procedens then to Kate's domo, 
II trouve Amanda there, 

Kai quite forgot his late resolves 
Both sunt so goodly fair. 

Sed, smiling on the new tapis, 
Between puellas twain, 

Ccepit to tell his vceux to Kate 
Dans un poetique strain. 

Mais, glancing ever and anon 
At fair Amanda's eyes, 

Illse non possunt dicere 
Pro which he meant his sighs. 

Each virgo heard his demi vow 
"With cheeks as rouge as wine, 

And, offering each a milk-white hand, 
Both whispered "Ich "bin dein." 



MACAK0NI0 ADVEETISEMENT. 
An inn-keeper in Germany sets forth the accommo- 
dations of his house in the following lines, inscribed 
upon one of its windows : 

In questa casa trovarete 

Toutes les choses que vous souhaitez; 

Vinum bonum, costas, carnes, 

Neat post-chaise, and horse and harness. 



ANN HATHAWAY. 

(probably not Shakespeare's.) 

Would ye be taught, ye feathered throng, 
"With love's sweet notes to grace your song, 
To charm the heart in thrilling lay, 
Listen to Ann Hathaway. 
She hath a way to sing so clear, 
Phoebus might, listening, stoop and hear : 
To melt the sad, make blithe the gay, 
And nature charm, Ann hath a way. 

She hath a way, 

Ann Hathaway. 



PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 141 

When Envy's tongue and Rancor's tooth 

Do soil and bite fair worth and truth, 

And merit to distress betray, , , 

To soothe the soul, Ann hath a way. 

She hath a way to chase despair ; 

To heal all grief, to cure all care, 

Turn foulest night to fairest day, 

Thou k no west, fond heart, Ann hath a way, 

She hath a way, 

Ann Hathaway. 

Tell not of gems the Orient list ; 
The diamond, topaz, amethyst, 
The emerald mild, the ruby gay ; 
Talk of my gem Ann Hathaway. 
She hath a way with her bright eye, 
Their various lustre to defy ; 
The jewel she, and the foil they, 
So sweet to look Ann hath a way. 

She hath a way, 

Ann Hathaway. 

But to my fancy were it given 
To rate her charms, I'd call it heaven ; 
For, though a mortal made of clay, 
Angels might love Ann Hathaway. 
She hath a way so to control 
And rapture the imprisoned soul, 
And love and truth so to display 
That to be heaven Ann hath a way. 

She hath a way, 

Ann Hathaway. 



INSTRUCTIVE FABLES. 

The Dog> and the Spare Eib. — A mastiff cross- 
ing a bridge and bearing in his mouth a piece of meat ? 
suddenly swallowed the meat. He immediately ob- 
served that the shadow of the aforesaid in the water 
had disappeared. 

7* 



142 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 

Moral : We learn from this fable that life is but a 
shadow. 

The Ass and the Locomotive. — A donkey one 
day was quietly munching thistles when he heard the 
screaming whistle of a locomotive. Pricking up his 
ears, he started into a gallop and raced across lots, 
with his tail high in the air. 

Moral : This fable teaches what an ass he was. 

The Mouse and the Oat.— A mouse once peeped 
from his hole and saw a cat. The cat was looking the 
other way, and happened not to see the mouse. 

Nobody killed. 

Moral : This little fable doesn't teach anything. 



PRONUNCIATION. 

The difficulty of applying rules to the pronuncia- 
tion of our language may be illustrated in two lines, 
wherein the combination of the letters ough is pro- 
nounced in no less than seven different ways, viz : 
as o, uf 7 off, up, ow, 00, and ock. 

Though the tough cough and hiccough plough me through,. 
O'er life's dark lough my course I still pursue. 

And in the subjoined couplets, which should be read 
rhymingly : 

Peasant Arcadian, guiding the plough, 

Loam on your garments, your aspect is rough. 

Peasant imprudent, I hear you've a cough: 
Do you feel sure you're clad warm enough ? 

Home to your cottage, and bend o'er the trough, 
Kneading the loaves of digestible dough. 

Though the bread's heavy, unsweetened and tough, 
Well sharpened teeth can go easily through. 

And the opposite difficulty, wbicb sometimes occurs, 



PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. „ 143 

of determining the sense of a word from its pronunci- 
ation, is shown in the following verses : 

Write, we know, is written right, 

When we see it written w-r-i-t-e ; 
But when we see it written r-i-g-h-t, 

We know it is not written right. 
For write, to have it written right, 

Must not be written r-i-g-h-t, or r-i-t-e, 
Nor yet must it be written w-r-i-g-h-t, 

But w-r-i-t-e, for so 'tis written right. 



Some one asks : " If W-o-r-c-e-s-£e-r is pronounced 
Wooster, wouldn't r-o-r-c-e-s-t-e-r be an excellent way 
to spell rooster ? 

That is " the English of it,?' and, on the same prin- 
ciple — whatever it is — C-h-o-l-ni-o-n-d-e-l-e-y is pro- 
nounced Ohuinley; M-i-c-h-i-1-i-m-a-c-i-n-a-c, Mackinaw j 
M-a-r-j-o-r-i-b-a-n-k-s, Marchbank; L-e-i-c-e-s-t-e-r, Les- 
ter ; N-o-r-w-i-c-h, Norrij, and C-o-l-o-n-e-1, Ournel. 

The ways of English pronunciation are, indeed, past 
finding out. 

So are the secret motives of those who, having once 
adopted a false pronunciation, adhere to it in the face 
of all precept and example; who persist in calling 
Garibaldi, Gar-i-bawld-i ; guipure, gini-pure; alpaca, 
al-a-pac-a ; and a polonaise, a polo-nay. Of this class 
was the young person of Boston — she couldn't have 
been a young person of Boston !— who, passing out of 
an Art Gallery with a friend not long since, read aloud 
the inscription beneath a statuette of Psyche, and pro- 
nounced it Pi-sish. Her friend mildly suggesting the 
true pronunciation, the young person rejoined: "I 
know it. Some folks call it Si-kee, and some Pi-sish. 
I like Pi-sish the best." 



144 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 

THE QUESTION. 
It is said that when a young lady enters society in 
one of our leadiug Eastern cities, the question invari- 
ably asked about her, by those who have not met her, 
is, in lew York, " How much is she worth V 7 in Bal- 
timore, "How does she look?" in Boston, "What 
does she know V in Philadelphia, " Who is she P 



ALLITERATION. 
The best specimen of alliteration in the English lan- 
guage is, perhaps, 

THE SIEGE OP BELGRADE. 

An Austrian army, awfully arrayed, 

Boldly, by battery, besieged Belgrade. 

Cossack commanders cannonading come, 

Dealing destruction's devastating doom ; 

Every endeavor engineers essay, 

For fame, for fortune, fighting, furious fray ! 

Generals 'gainst generals grapple — Gracious God ! 

How honors Heaven heroic hardihood ! 

Infuriate, indiscriminate, in ill, 

Kinsmen kill kindred — kindred kinsmen kill. 

Labor low levels longest, loftiest lines, — 

Men march 'mid mounds, 'mid moles, 'mid murderous mines. 

Now noisy, noxious, numbers notice naught 

Of outward obstacles opposing ought ; 

Poor patriots ! partly purchased, partly pressed, 

Quite quaking, quickly "Quarter! Quarter!" quest 

Beason returns ; religious right redounds, 

Suwarrow stops such sanguinary sounds. 

Truce to thee, Turkey ! triumph to thy train, 

Unjust, unwise, unmerciful, Ukraine ! 

Yanish, vain victory ! Yanish, victory vain ! 

"Why wish we warfare ! Wherefore welcome were 

Xerxes, Ximenes, Xanthus, Xavier ! 

Yield, vield, ye youths; ye yeomen yield your yell ! 

Zeno's, Zarpater's, Zoroaster's zeal, 

Attracting all, arms against arms appeal. 



PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 145 

A droll example of French alliteration is the follow- 
ing inquiry as to the efficacy of a certain remedy : 

" Ton the, a-t-il ote ta toux ?" 

One of the neatest of Acrostics was written by 
Desmond Ryan, for the London Musical World : 

Art and Genius burn within her, 

Dearest fondling of the Graces ! 
Every charm is centered in her ; 

Like a poet's page her face is ! 
In her voice the lark is thrilling — 
Now to weep the heart is willing — 
And now with joy and hope 'tis filling ! 

Praised, admired, two worlds all hail her — 
Artless, pure, no tongues assail her ! 
Trust, love, triumph, never fail her ! 
Tell me, sooth, whose praise all that.is ? 
I say, Adelina Patti's ! 

But apropos of ingenuity, the author of the following 
exquisite poem seems, without half trying, to have dis- 
tanced all competitors. 

Many years ago, twenty-five or thirty, perhaps, two 
Cincinnati editors engaged in a newspaper controversy, 
which was, for a long time, conducted with all candor 
and courtesy. At length, however, one of them so far 
forgot himself as to become first personal, then scurril- 
ous, then virulent ; and the other, at an early stage of 
this radical change, quietly withdrew from the contest. 
Editor No. One thereupon indulged in loud paeans of 
victory : he had spiked his adversary's guns, put him 
to rout, utterly demolished him. While he was in this 
complacent frame of mind, he received from an anony- 
mous contributor a seasonable poem on Spring-, which 
he published with a eulogium on its beauty, and a 
warmly-expressed wish that he might often hear from 
its gifted author : 



146 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 

SPRING. 

The genial Spring once more with chaplets crowned, 

Has showered her choicest blessings all around. 

Each silent valley, and each verdant lawn, 

Enriched with flowers, looks smiling as the dawn ; 

Demure and modest here the violet grows, 

In youder garden blooms the blushing rose: 

To these the lilac adds her fragrant dower 

Of perfume cherished by the sun and shower : 

Kevivmg Mora walks the world, a queen 

Of kingdoms peerless as a fairy scene. 

Ear o'er the hills, in many a graceful line, 

The rainbow blossoms of the orchard shine. 

How softly mingled all their tints unite, 

Embalm the air, and bless the grateful sight ! 

Sweet voices now are heard on every tree, . 

The breeze, the bird, the murmur of the bee ; 

And down the cliff, where rocks oppose in vain, 

Kuns the clear stream in music to the plain. 

In noisy groups, far from their southern home, 

ISTow 'round the lofty spire the swallows roam ; 

The fearless robin builds, with glossy leaves, 

Her fragile nest beneath the farmer's eaves ; 

Embowered in woods the partridge makes her bed 

With silken moss o'er tender osiers spread : 

Each happy bird expands his dappled wings, 

Soars with his gentle mate and sweetly sings. 

The sounds of early husbandry arise, 

In pleasing murmurs, to the pale blue skies ; 

Shrill floats the ploughman's whistle, while he speeds 

Along the yielding earth his patient steeds. 

Joyous the life which tills the pregnant soil, 

And sweet the profits of the farmer's toil : 

Content, as smiling as an angel's face, 

Keeps peaceful vigil 'round his dwelling-place ; 

And gentle Hope, and Love, forever bright, 

Smiling like seraphs in their bowers of light, 

Salute his mornings, and embalm each night. 

A few day? passed, and this self-complacent gentle- 
man had the satisfaction of reading in a Boston paper 



# PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 147 

that the editor of The Star in the West had fully justi- 
fied the acrostic contained in a late beautiful poem on 
Spking, by publishing and praising it in his paper. 



EXTEMPOEE SPEAHNQ. 

It is no small thing to be called suddenly to address 
a public meeting of any sort, and to find all your wits 
gone wool-gathering, when you most require their ser- 
vices. Such being the case, and standing admitted, 
the following speech of a compulsory order, at the 
opening of a free hospital, is recommended as a model: 

Gentlemen — ahem ! I— I — I rise to say — that is, I 
wish to propose a toast — wish to propose a toast. 
Gentlemen, I think that you'll all say — ahem — I think, 
at least, that this toast is, as you'll all say, the toast of 
the evening — toast of the evening. Gentlemen, I 
belong to a good many of these things — and I say, gen- 
tlemen, that this hospital requires no patronage — at 
least, you don't want any recommendation. You've 
only got to be ill — got to be ill. Another thing — they 
are all locked up — I mean they are all shut up 
separate — that is, they have all got separate beds — 
separate beds. Now, gentlemen, I find by the report 
(turning over the leaves in a fidgety manner), I find, 
gentlemen, that from the year seventeen — no, eighteen 
— no, ah, yes, I'm right, — eighteen hundred and fifty — 
no, it's a three, thirty-six— eighteen hundred and 
thirty-six, no — less than one hundred and ninety-three 
millions — no — ah? (to a committee-man at his side), 
what? thank you! — thank you, yes— one hundred and 
ninety -three thousand, two hundred and thirty-one! 
Gentlemen, I beg to propose: 

Success to this Institution ! 



148 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 

If do selections from the writings of our modern 
humorists, Artemus Ward, P. Y. Nasby, Mark Twain, 
and others, grace these pages, the omission arises 
partly from the difficulty of selecting and partly from 
the fact that these writings are only too well known 
for our purpose. While the compiler has, doubtless, 
brought her readers face to face with many of their 
old acquaintances, she naturally prefers not to intro- 
duce those whom they are certain to meet every day 
at their own tables. " There must be a line drawn 
somewhere." 

But there is a word to be said about K. N. Pepper, 
whose irresistibly droll papers were contributed to the 
Knickerbocker Magazine, early in the Ws. He was, 
in fact, pioneer in that region of illiterature, in which 
so many others, since he withdrew, have apparently 
settled for life. Artemus Ward learned from him 
(and never hesitated to give him credit for the original 
idea,) the trick of bad spelling, and caught many of 
his fantastic ways of thought. His Betsey Jane was 
Pepper's Hannah Gane amplified, — but the twins, and 
the son who read the Clipper ', and the daughter who 
delighted in the Ledger, were original Wards. (And 
what a guardian they had, in their hi-minded father !) 

K. N. Pepper describes in the Knickerbocker, his first 
visit to New York. He arrived there on the twenty- 
fifth of November, and that anniversary suggested 
many solemn reflections. "I thine," he pensively 
remarks, " that I see the British evacuating of the 
sitty. I thine I se them gathering up their goods and 
things. I thine I hear them cuss, and then I thine I 
doant." 

Yery suddenly he retired from the field, leaving 
his laurels to be picked up and won by others, and 
presently disappeared from public view. But it is 



PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 149 

possible that Mr. James W. Morris, of Onondaga 
County, N. Y., could, it he chose, furnish some infor- 
mation concerning him.* 

The Widow Bedott, too, was precursor and prototype 
of Miss Sliinmins, Josiah Allen's wife, and all of that 
ilk ; and, among her imitators, has, thus far, had no 
equal. Her prose was a model of absurdity ; but there 
are no words to characterize her poetry. 

Listen, as she condoles with a widower, on his recent 
bereavement : 

Sickness and afflictions is trials sent 

By the will of a wise creation, 
And always ought to be underwent 

With fortitude and resignation. 
Then mourn not for your pardner's death, 

But to forgit endevver, 
For, sposen she hadn't a died so soon, 

She couldn't a lived forever. 

And when, at last, she secured a widower of her 
own, the Be v. Shadrack Sniffles, how jubilant her 
muse became : 

The heart that was scornful and cold as a stun, 
Has surrendered at last to the fortinit one. 
Farewell to the miseries and griefs I have had ! 
I'll never desert thee, Shadrack, my Shad. 

The wonderful puns and repartees of Charles Lamb 
and Sydney Smith, prince and king of wits ! are open 
to the same objection as those alluded to above: they 
are only too familiar, already. But as that is equiva- 
lent to saying that they have charmed only too many 
people ; turned too many sorrowful or wearied minds 

* Emerson, in his " Parnassus," and the Atlantic Monthly for April, 
18*75, accredit " A Colusion between A Water-Snaik and A Aligater." to 
G. H. Derby (" John Phenix "). It was contributed by " K. N. Pepper '' 
to the Knickerbocker Magazine, in 1854. 



150 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 

out of their ordinary channels ; excited too much 
healthful and delightful laughter j we are, after all, 
not disposed to complain. Rather let us, Sancho- 
Panza-like, invoke a benison, first on Cervantes him- 
self; then on the English Hood and Hook, and Moore 
and Sheridan and Lamb, on the three Smiths, Sydney 
and James and Horace ; on Dickens, Thackeray and 
Jerrold, and Edmund Lear ; on our own Irving, Derby, 
Whicher, Morris, Brown, the Olarkes ; our Lowell, 
Saxe, Holmes, Strong ; our Warner, Oozzens, Dodgson, 
Gilbert, Locke, Bret Harte ; our Grail Hamilton, and 
our Phebe Carey ; and on all the named and unnamed, 
known and unknown writers, through whom have come 
to us the exquisite sense of fun, the blessing of irre- 
X^ressible mirth, and of hearty, wholesome, innocent, 
delicious laughter ! 

And if, despite our struggles, we are accused, as we 
shall be, and justly, of having told some more than 
twice-told tales, of quoting already hackneyed quota 
tions, charity will urge in our behalf (and, let us 
trust, not vainly), Burns' pathetic plea, reminding 
the critics, that while 

" What's done they " easily " compute. 
They know not what's resisted." 



"SOUND AND" UNSOUND, "SIGNIFYING NOTHING." 

A young gentleman of Eochester, suspecting that 
the poetical enthusiasm of certain of his young lady 
acquaintances was not genuine; that they appre- 
ciated the musical jiugie of verses, without in the least 
regarding the sentiment, laid a wager with one of his 
friends, that he could write a set of stanzas, which 
should not contain one grain of sense, and yet would 



PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 151 

be just as warmly applauded by those young ladies as 
the most eloquent poetry. 

He won the wager. (But this occurred many years 
ago. There are no such young ladies in Eochester 
now). 

See ! the fragrant twilight whispers 

O'er the orient western sky, 
While Aurora's verdant vespers 

Tell her evening reign is nigh. 

Now a louder raj of darkness, 

Carols o'er the effulgent scene, 
And the lurid light falls markless 

On the horizon's scattered screen. 

Night is near, with all his horrors, 

Sweetly swerving in his breast, 
And the ear of fancy borrows 

Morning mists to lull the west. 

Ere he comes in all his splendor, 

Hark ! the milky way is seen, 
Sighing like a maiden tender 

In her bower of ruby green. 

Such a scene, ah ! who can list to, 

And not saddened, silent, seek 
To unveil the burning vista 

Of Diana's raven cheek ? 

Thus tremulous, and ever dear, 

Robed in repellant rapture ; 
Our hours shall stay, swift as the year, 

Illumed by Cupid's capture ! 

And when hyenal joys are ours, 

And memory soars above us, 
Hope shall retrace for future years 

The love of all who love us. 

Something of the same character is the subjoined : 



152 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 

EVENING SONG. 

Brightly blue the stars shine o'er us, 
While the sinking sun ascends 

To the wide spread waves before us, 
And a pleasing softness lends. 

Homeward now the aged plough-boys 
Wing their way o'er hill and dale, 

And the laughter-loving cow goes 
Tripping lightly down the vale. 

Gentle zephyrs' ink-stained fingers 
Point the hour-hand of the clock, 

There the warbling sheep-fold lingers — 
Save it from the cruel hawk 1 

Thus excoriate the hours, 
Till the red volcano's powers 
Kindle on the hearth its fires : 
Poets ! dissipate your lyres ! 



In the following mnsical poem, the letter e does 
duty so well for all the other vowels, as to suggest the 
idea that our ordinary lavish use of them is a piece of 
extravagance I 

When the September eves were new, 
When fresh the western breezes blew, 
When meek Selene, gem-besprent, 
The dew her crested jewels lent ; 
We met, Belle, where the beeches grew, 
When the September eves were new. 

When the September eves were new, 
Endless, meseemed, the sweets we knew ! 
Sweet fell the dew ; sweet swept the breeze ; 
Sweet were the templed beechen trees ; 
The spell yet sweeter, tenderer grew, 
When the September eves were new ! 

When the September eves were eld, 
The templed beechen trees were felled; 
Keen-edged the western breezes blew ; 
Crestless the meek Selene grew ; 



PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 153 

The fettered dew her jewels held, 
When the September eves were eld. 
When the September eves were eld, 
Fled were the scenes we erst beheld — 
Reft were the tender scenes we knew ; — 
The desert, where the beeches grew! 
Yet, Belie, we sweeter secrets held, 
Ere the September eves were eld I 



The construction of the following verses, from which 
the letter s is omitted, shows that our language is not 
of necessity a succession of sibilant sounds, as it is 
generally supposed to be : 

Oh! come to-night, for naught can charm 

The weary time when thou'rt away. 
Oh, come ! the gentle moon hath thrown 

O'er bower and hall her quivering ray. 
The heather bell hath mildly flung 

From off her fairy leaf the bright 
And diamond dew-drop that had hung 

Upon that leaf a gem of light. 

Then come, love, come 1 
To-night the liquid wave hath not, 

(Illumined by the moonlit beam 
Playing upon the lake beneath, 

Like frolic ia a fairy dream — ) 
The liquid wave hath not, to-night, 

In all her moonlit pride, a fair 
Gift-like to them that, on thy lip, 

Do breathe and laugh and home it there. 
Then come, love, come! 
To-night, to-night, my gentle one, 

The flower-bearing Amra tree 
Doth long, with fragrant moan, to meet 

The love-lip of the honey-bee. 
But not the Amra tree can long 

To greet the bee, at evening light, 
With half the deep, fond love / long 

To meet my Nama here to-night. 
Then come, love, come ! 



154 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 

What a boon would a volume of poems, modeled on 
the above principle of architecture, be to perthonth 
troubled with a lithp; whose reading at present 
(through the perverseness of the English language), 
sounds thus : 

Thweetly murmurth the breethe from the thea, 

Thoothing my thoul to thlumberth, 
Fond memorieth bearing to me, 

Of the patht, in endleth numberth. 
I thigh ath I think how yearth have thped, 

How joy hath left me to thorrow ; 
My heart now thleepeth the thleep of the dead ; 

"Will it waken to gladneth to-morrow ? 



THE NIMBLE BANK-NOTE. 

" And he rose with a sigh, 

And he said, 'Can this be?' " 

(Motto chosen chiefly for its inappropriateness.) 

One evening at the house of a friend of mine, while 
we were seated at the table, Mr. Baker, my friend's 
husband, absently feeling in his vest pocket, found a 
five dollar note which he had no recollection of putting- 
there. 

" Hallo V he exclaimed, " that is no place for you. 
I should have put you in my pocketbook. Here, wife, 
don't you want some ready money P and he threw the 
note across the table to her. 

" Many thanks," she replied ; " money is always ac- 
ceptable, although I have no present need of it." She 
folded the note and put it under the edge of the tea- 
tray, and then proceeded to pour out the tea and 
attend to the wants of her guests. 

At her right sat Mrs. Easton, or Aunt Susan, whom 
we all knew as an acquaintance who, from time to 
time, spent a week with Mrs. Baker. Her visit was 



PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 155 

just at au end, and she was to return home that eve- 
ning. 

As Mrs. Baker was pouring her tea, it occurred to 
her that she was in her aunt's debt for certain small 
matters, and when she had the opportunity, she 
pushed the note under her plate, saying: 

•• Here, auntie, take this five dollars in part pay- 
ment of my debt." 

" Yery well," she replied, u but the money does not 
belong to me. I owe you fifteen dollars, my dear 
Grace, which you lent me last Saturday. I had to 
pay the taxes on my little home, and had not the 
ready money, and Grace lent it to me," explained 
Aunt Susan. 

Grace, an orphan, was a cousin of Mrs. Baker. She 
and her brother Frank boarded with her, and made a 
very pleasant addition to the family circle. She was 
studying music, and her brother was a clerk in a mer- 
cantile establishment. 

As soon as Aunt Susan received the note, she hand- 
ed it to Grace, saying : 

" I will give you this now on account, and the rest 
as soon as I get it." 

" All right," answered Grace, laughing, " and since 
we all seem in the humor of paying our debts, I will 
follow suit. Frank, I owe you something for music 
you bought me ; here is part of it," and she threw the 
bank note across the table to her brother, who sat op- 
posite. 

We were all highly amused to see how the note 
wandered around the table. 

"This is a wonderful note," said Mr. Baker,* "I 
only wish somebody owed me something, and I owed 
somebody something, so that I might come into the 
ring." 



156 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 

" You can," said Frank. " I owe Mrs. Baker — or 
you, it's all the same — for my board j I herewith pay 
you part of it." 

Amid general laughter, Mr. Baker took the note 
and playfully threw it to his wife again, saying : 

" It's yours again, Lucy, because What belongs to 
me belongs to you. It has completed the round, and 
we have all had the benefit of it." 

u And now it must go around again," replied she 
gayly. "I like to see money circulate ; it should 
never lie idle. Aunt Susan you take it. Now I have 
paid you ten dollars." 

"Dear Grace, here is another five dollars on my ac- 
count," said Aunt Susan, handing it to Grace. 

"And you Frank, have paid ten dollars for the 
music you bought me," said Grace, handing it to her 
brother. 

" And I pay you ten dollars for my board," he con- 
tinued, and the note once more rested in Mr. Baker's 
hands. 

The exchanges were quick as thought, and we were 
convulsed with laughter. 

" Was there ever so wonderful an exchange V 2 ex- 
claimed Grace. 

" It's all nonsense !" exclaimed Mr. Baker. 

"Not in the least," answered his wife. "It's all 
quite right." 

" Certainly," said Frank; " when the money belong- 
ed to you, you could dispose of it as you would ; I have 
the same right; it is a fair kind of exchange, though 
very uncommon." 

" It shows the use of money," said Aunt Susan. " It 
makes the circuit of the world and brings its value to 
every one who touches it." 

" And this note has not finished its work yet, as I 



PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 157 

will show you, nay dear, if you will give it to me agai n, 
said Mrs. Baker to her husband. 

" I preseut you with this five dollar note," said Mr. 
Baker. 

" And I give it to you, Aunt Susan — I owed you 
fifteen dollars, and I have paid my debt." 

"You have, my dear friend, without doubt; and 
now, my dear Grace, I pay you my indebtedness, with 
many thanks for your assistance." 

" I take it with thanks, Aunt Susan," replied Grace ; 
" and now the time has come when this wonder-working, 
this inexhaustibly rich bank-note must be divided, 
because I do not owe Frank five dollars more. How 
much have I to pay you ?" 

" Two dollars and sixty-two cents," replied Frank. 
-" Can you change if?" 

" Let me see ; sixty-two, thirty-eight, yes, there is 
the change ; the spell is broken, Grace, and you and I 
divide the spoils." 

" This bank-note beats all I ever saw. How much 
has it paid ? Let us count up," said Grace. " Mrs. 
Baker gave Aunt Susan fifteen dollars, which Aunt 
Susan gave me; I gave Frank twelve dollars and sixty- 
two cents ; Frank gave Mr. Baker ten dollars — alto- 
gether fifty-two dollars and sixty-two cents." 

" It's all nonsense, I tell you," cried Mr. Baker, again ; 
" you all owe each other what you owed before." 

" You are deceived, my dear, by the rapid, unbroken 
race this little sum has made ; to me it is as clear as 
daylight," replied Mrs. Baker. 

u If it is all nonsense, how could the note which you 
gave Mrs. Baker, if nothing to me or to you, be divided 
between us two W asked Grace. 

Mr. Baker did not seem to see it very clearly, but 
the others did, and they often relate this little history 
for the amusement of their friends. 



158 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 

THE EATIONALISTIO OHIOKEN. 

{Inspecting its shell.) 
By J. S. Stone. 

Most strange! 
Most queer, — although' most excellent a change ! 
Shades of the prison-house, ye disappear ! 
My fettered thoughts have won a wider range, 

And, like my legs, are free ; 
No longer huddled up so pitiably : 
Free now to pry and probe, and peep and peer, 

And make these mysteries out. 
Shall a free-thinking chicken live in doubt ? 
For now in doubt undoubtedly I am : 

This Problem's very heavy on my mind, 
And I'm not one either to shirk or sham : 
I won't be blinded, and I won't be blind. 

Now, let me see : 
First, I would know how did I get in there ? 

Then, where was I of yore ? 
Besides, why didn't I get out before ? 

Dear me! 
Here are three puzzles (out of plenty more) 
Enough to give me pip upon the brain ! 

But let me think again. 
How do I know I ever was inside ? 
Now I reflect, it is, I do maintain, 
Less than my reason, and beneath my pride, 

To think that I could dwell 
In such a paltry miserable cell 

As that old shell. 
Of course I couldn't ! How could I have lain, 
Body and beak and feathers, legs and wings, 
And my deep heart's sublime imaginings, 
In there ? 

I meet the notion with profound disdain ; 
It's quite incredible; since I declare 
(And I'm a chicken that you can't deceive) 
What I can't understand I won't believe. 



PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 



159 



Where did I come from, then? Ah ! where, indeed? 
This is a riddle monstrous hard to read. 

I have it ! Why, of course, 
All things are moulded by some plastic force, 
Out of some atoms somewhere up in space, 
Fortuitously concurrent anyhow ; — 

There, now! 
That's plain as is the beak upon my face. 

What's that I hear ? 
My mother cackling at me ! Just her way, 
So prejudiced and ignorant 1 say ; 
So far behind the wisdom of the day. 

What's old I can't revere. 
Hark at her. " You're a silly chick, my dear, 

That's quite as plain, alack ! 
As is the piece of shell upon your back!" 
How bigoted ! upon my back, indeed ! 

I don't believe it's there, 
For I can't see it: and I do declare, 

For all her fond deceivin', 
What /can't see I never will believe in! 



A MEDLEY. 

I only know she came and went, [Lowell. 

Like troutlets in a pool ; [Hood. 

She was a phantom of delight, [Wordsworth- 

And I was like a fool. [Eastman. 

One kiss, dear maid, I said, and sighed, [Coleridge. 

Out of those lips unshorn ! [Longfellow. 

She shook her ringlets round her head, [Stoddard. 

And laughed in merry scorn. [Teunyson. 

Eing out, wild bells, to the wild sky, [Tennyson. 

You hear them, Oh, my heart, [Alice Cary. 

'Tis twelve at night by the castle clock — [Coleridge. 

Beloved, we must part [Alice Cary. 

Come back, come back, she cried in grief, [Campbell. 

My eyes are dim with tears ; [B. Taylor. 

How shall I live through all the days. [Mrs. Osgood. 

All through a hundred years ? [J. J. Perry. 



160 



PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 



'Twas in the prime of summer time, [Hood. 

She blessed me with her hand ; [Hoyt. 

We strayed together deeply blest, [Mrs. Edwards. 

Into the dreaming land. [Cornwall. 

The laughing bridal roses blew, [Patmore. 

To deck her dark brown hair, [B. Taylor. 

No maiden may with her compare, [Brailsford. 

Most beautiful, most rare! [Read. 

I clasped it on her sweet cold hand, [Browning. 

The precious golden link ; [Smith. 

I calmed her fears, and she was calm — [Coleridge. 

Drink, pretty creature, drink ! [Wordsworth. 

And so I won my Genevieve, [Coleridge. 

And walked in Paradise ; [Hervey. 

The fairest thing that ever grew [Wordsworth. 

Atween me and the skies ! [Tennyson- 



ANOTHER MEDLEY. 

(who are the authors?) 

The curfew tolls the knell of parting day, 
In every clime, from Lapland to Japan ; 

To fix one spark of beauty's heavenly ray, 
The proper study of mankind is man. 

Tell, for you can, what is it to be wise, 

Sweet Auburn, loveliest village of the plain ! 

1 The man of Ross," each lisping babe replies, 
And drags, at eaeh remove a length'niug chain. 

Ah, who can tell how hard it is to climb 
Far as the solar walk, or milky way? 

Procrastination is the thief of time, 
Let Hercules himself do what he may. 

'Tis education forms the common mind, 
The feast of reason and the flow of soul ; 

I must be cruel only to be kind, 

And waft a sigh from Indus to the pole. 

Syphax ! I joy to meet thee thus alone, 
Where'er I roam, whatever lands I see ; 

A youth to fortune and to fame unknown, 
In maiden meditation, fancy free. 



PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 161 

Farewell ! and wheresoe'er thy voice be tried, 
Why to yon mountain turns the gazing eye ? 

With spectacles on nose, and pouch on side, 
That teach the rustic moralist to die. 

Pity the sorrows of a poor old man, 

Whose beard descending, swept his aged breast ; 
Laugh where we must, be candid where we can, 

Man never is, but always to be blest. 



AND ANOTHER MEDLEY. 

The moon was shining silver bright, 
All bloodless lay the untrodden snow, 

When freedom from her mountain height, 
Exclaimed, " Now don't be foolish, Joe t ' 

An hour passed by ; the Turk awoke, 
Ten days and nights with sleepless eye, 

To hover in the sulphur smoke, 
And spread its pall upon the sky. 

His echoing axe the settlers swung, 

He was a lad of high degree ; 
And deep the pearly caves among, 

Sweet Mary, weep no more for me. 

Loud roars the wild, inconstant blast, 
And cloudless sets the snn at even ; 

When twilight dews are falling fast, 
And rolls the thunder-drum of heaven. 

Oh, ever thus, from childhood's hour, 
By torch and trumpet fast arrayed, 

Beneath yon ivy-mantled tower, 
They lingered in the forest shade. 

My love is like the red, red rose ; 

He bought a ring with posy true ; 
Deep terror then my vitals froze ; 

And, Saxon, I am Rhoderick Dhu ! 



163 



PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 



LIFE; 

Why all this toil for triumph of an hour? 

Life's a short summer — man is but a flower 

By turns we catch the fatal breath and die- 

The cradle and the tomb, alas ! so nigh. 

To be is better far than not to be, 

Though all man's life may seem a tragedy : 

But light cares speak when mighty griefs are dumb 



[Young. 

[Dr. Johnson. 

[Pope. 

[Prior. 

[Sewell. 

[Spencer. 

[Daniel. 



The bottom is but shallow whence they come. 

[Sir Walter Raleigh. 
Your fate is but the common fate of all : 



Unmingled joys may here no man befall ; 
Nature to each allots his proper sphere, 
Fortune makes folly her peculiar care .; 
Custom does often reason overrule, 
And throw a cruel sunshine on a fool. 
Live well — how long or short permit to heaven 
They who forgive most shall be most forgiven, 
Sin may be clasped so close we cannot see its face- 
Vile intercourse where virtue has no place, 
Then keep each passion down, however dear. 
Thou pendulum betwixt a smile and tear ; 
Her sensual snares let faithless Pleasure lay, 
With craft and skill to ruin and betray, 
Soar not too high to fall, but stoop to rise, 
We masters grow of all that we despise. 



[Longfellow. 

[Southwell. 

[Congreve. 

[Churchill. 

[Rochester. 

[Armstrong. 

[Milton. 

[Bailey. 

[French. 

[Sommerville. 

[Thompson. 

[Byron. 

[Smollet. 

[Crabbe. 

[Massinger. 

[Cowley. 



PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 163 

Oh, then, renounce that impious self-esteem ; 
Riches have wings ; and grandeur is a dream. 



[Beattie. 

[Cowper. 
Think not ambition wise because 'tis brave, 

[Sir Walter Davenant. 
The paths of glory lead but to the grave, 



What is ambition ? 'Tis a glorious cheat. 
Only destructive to the brave and great. 
What's all the gaudy glitter of a crown ? 
The way to bliss lies not on beds of down. 



[Gray. 

[Willis. 

[Addison. 

[Dr} T den. 



[Francis Quarles. 
How long we live, not years but actions tell ; 

[Watkins. 
That man lives twice who lives the first life well. 

[Herrick. 
Make then, while yet you may, your God your friend. 

[William Mason. 
Whom Christians worship, yet not comprehend. 

[Hill. 
The trust that's given guard, and to yourself be just ; 

[Dana. 
For live we how we may, yet die we must. 

[Shakespeare. 



THE KEY. 



ANSWERS TO PUZZLES. 

1. Cobweb. M. A. R. 

2. Thanks. 

3. Of course I cart ! (Of Oorsicau.) 

4. Maid of Orleans. 

5. Because they have studded the heavens for cen- 
turies. 

6. The winds blue, and the waves rose. 

7. In violet. 

8. They leave out their summer dress. 

9. Because I am the querist. 

10. Penmanship. English Paper. 

11. Heather: weather. Hearth and Home. 

12. Nothing. 

13. It contains all the letters of the alphabet. 

14. A lawsuit. 

15. His father was Euoch, who did not die. 

16. Yes : he was the Daughter-of-Pharaoh's sou. 

17. When Autumn is turning- the leaves. 

18. Buddhism. 

19. Starch. (Star, sac, scar, tar, trash, act, arc, arch, 
art, ash, rat, rash, chart, cart, cat, car, chat, cash, 
cast, crash, hart, hat.) 

20. Ague. (Hague; league; plague.) 

21. Lettuce, alone. (Let us alone !) 

22. The moon. 

23. A human being. The Sphinx Riddle. 

24. Noah. 

25. Macaulay. Rural New Yorker. 



PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 165 

26. NRG. 

27. M T. 

28. O B C T. 

29. X L N 0. 

30. LEG. 

31. Dutch S. 

32. French L. 

33. K. 

34. In the days of no A (Noah,) before TJ and I 
were born. 

35. T. 

36. Q. 

37. It's laudin' 'em. 

38. No man has three feet ; a man has two feet more 
than no man : therefore, a man has five feet. 

39. A branch. M. L. G. 

40. Love Me Little : Love Me Long. 

41. Ma mere. E. P. 

42. Amiable (Am I able?) 

43. Conundrum. 

44. Purcell. M. D. 

45. Yoa sigh for a cipher, but I sigh for thee ; 
Oh, sigh for no cipher, but, oh, sigh for me ; 
And 0, let my sigh for no cipher go, 

But give sigh for sigh, for I sigh for you so ! 

46. Because they axed him whether he would or no. 
(Horrid!) 

47. He was out at midnight, on a bust 

48. 99|. 

49. The season is backward for potatoes. 

50. One "wouldn't do :" one " would do." 

51. When he owed (Oh'd) "for a lodge in some 
vast wilderness." 

52. The reindeer (The rain, dear !) 

53. Red Wing. M. A. R. 

8* 



166 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 

54. Insert a semicolon after "peacock," after 
" comet," after " cloud," &c. ; finally, after " sun." 

55. Semicolon after " talked." 

56. Absence of body ! 

57. The year before was 1870 ; the year following 
was 1870, too. 

58. Because they'd fall out, if they didn't. 

59. Io died (iodide) of potassium. 

60. He named it Robinson for Robinson crew so ! 

61. They've been to sea. 

62. By the Sound. 

63. He wears his collar and pants. 

64. Yeil ; vile or evil ; Levi, live. 

65. A pair of spurs. 

66. The letter A. 

67. Translate the fourth and fifth u suis," follow. 
" Suis" Comes from suivre, as well as from etre. 

68. A mouse ran, full but. 
Against my big to. 

69. Mind your I! 

70. Campbell's Poems. 

71. Thou tea-chest ! 

72. J'aime en silence (six lances.) 

73. Who raw for (the) read, white, and blew ! 

74. Gr a. (Gr, grand ; a, petit.) 

75. Toad (to ad.) 

76. Noon. 

77. Insatiate (in sat I ate.) 

78. Follow the English pronunciation of the syllables, 
allowing for the cockneyish displacement of the letter h. 

Thus: Tony's Address to Mary. 

Mary ! Heave a sigh for me, 
For me, your Tony true ; 

1 am become as a man dumb, — 

Oh, let Hymen prompt you ! etc. 

The eighth line is " Or eat a bit of pie." 



PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 



167 



r 


i 


i_ 





79. 



80. 



81. XIII. (X, vm.) 

82. For convenience let ns call the eight-gallon 
measure, a ; the five-gallon, b ; and the three-gallon, c. 

From a fill c, and empty into b. Fill c again y and, 
from it, fill b. Then empty b into a, and c, (which has 
in it one gallon,) into b. Fill c again, and empty into 
b, which now contains four gallons; while a, also, 
contains four. 

83. One bushel and one-ninth. 

84. JTescio: Ik weet niet. Je ne sais pas. No sa. 
Non so. Ioli weiss nicht. Mnis cume. I dinna ken. 
I don't know ! 

Professor Eobinson in his Algebra attempts it, but 
not satisfactorily, so long as letters may be made to 
represent any number, or any other number, at discre- 
tion. Let us call it in this particular phase — (unfor- 
tunately it has others), — the Matrimonial Equation : 
" For, these two are one." 

85. The stranger had eaten eight-thirds of a loaf: 
seven-thirds belonging to one of the Arabs, and only 
one-third to the other. 

86. He lost four dollars and the actual cost of the 
boots. 

87. 5 herring @ 2d. =10d. 
1 " -o'i =i 



=H 



12 



12d. 



168 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 

88. Endless. 

89. Cares : caress. 

90. Onion. 

91. Advice. 

92. When he has grounds for complaint. 

93. For divers reasons. 

94. For sundry purposes. 

95. " The quality of Mercy (Mersey) is not strained." 

n b. s. 

96. "If the grate be empty, put coal on. If the 
grate "be full, stop puttiug coal on.' 7 So said one, but 
another replied " How can I put coal on, when there 
is such a high fender F 

97. Because he is no better. 

98. When it becomes a lady. 

99. The letters of the alphabet. 

100. One was going to St. Ives' : he met the others. 

101. A little too long to wait ! (A little 2, long 2, 8.) 

M. 8. D. 

102. The Image that Michal put in David's bed. 
I Samuel, ch. xix. Douay version, xix ch. I Kings. 

103. His sister. The blind beggar was a woman. 

104. The man who thanked Heaven was the lady's 
father. 

105. " That man" was the rhymer's son. 

106. Hirsute. 

107. The letter s. 

108. Because it is always Snowdon. 

109. They should go to Fall Eiver and Salem. 

110. Novice, 

111. Burns. Hearth and Home. 

112. Crabbe. " " 

113. Bryant. " 

114. Gray. " 

115. Beecher. " 



a u 

u u 



PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 



169 




116. Homer. 

117. Hood. 

118. Southey. 

119. Coleridge. 

120. Goldsmith. 

121. Humboldt. 

122. Muloek. 

123. Lowell. 
121. Virgil, 

125. Akenside. 

126. Wordsworth. 

127. Steele. 

128. Shakespeare. 

129. Oowper. 

130. WiLLis. 

131. Barry Cornwall. 

132. Landon. 

133. Landor. 

134. Leigh Hunt. 

135. Walpole. 

136. Palmerston. 

137. Eussell. 

138. Lytton. 

139. Carlyle. 

140. Seward. 

141. W(h)ittier. 

142. Chatter(t)ou. 

143. Because he has tenants. 

144. It is a step fa(r)ther. 

145. A draft, 

146. A pack of cards. 

147. A cord of wood. 

148. Taking leave of things as they go. 

149. His reaper. 

150. It was Hamlet's Uncle, who " did murder most 
foal." 



170 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 

151. The Human Body. — ^he chest; 2 the eye-lids; 
3 the knee-caps ; "the ear-drums ; 5 the nails ; 6 the soles 
of the feet ; 7 the muscles ; 8 the palms of the hands ; 
9 the limbs ; "two lips ; ll the hips ; 12 the calves ; 13 hairs ; 
14 the heart; 15 the eyelashes ; ie the temples ; 17 arms ; 
"veins ; "insteps ; 20 eyes and nose ; 21 pupils ; 22 tendons. 

"The palate; b the roof (of the mouth;) c the bridge (of 
the nose;) d the shoulder-Z>Mes ; e the iris (of each 
eye;) 'the skull; s the spinal column; h the tongue; 
! tlie eye-balls, &c 7 jjj the stirrup, anvil and hammer 
(bones of the ear,) k locks (of hair). 

152. Truant. 

153. Scarecrow. 

154. Intimate. 

155. Codicil. 

156. The hair. 

157. Sixteen (those who were blind of both eyes, 
were also blind of one eye, &c.) 

158. Because we have a W(h)ittier. 

159. Because that was his name ! 

160. Because the other forty are Lent. 

161. Now here, nowhere. 

162. Ah no! (Arno.) 

163. Unquestionably. 

164. The road. 

165. Columbus. 

166. Met-a-physician. 

167. Sackcloth. 

168. The one who attends " patienfo on a monu- 
ment." 

169. Rather he killed the gorilla. 

170. She is a musing, b coming, d lighting, n chant- 
ing. 

171. She is Sad you see. 

172. She is Fair I see. 



PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 171 

173. " The judicious Hooker." 

174. Yesterday. 

175. Sunday ; all the rest are weeJc days. 

176. Campbell. W. M. Praed, 

177. Seldom, (cell-dumb.) 

178. His equal. 

179. Justice. 

180. The King's Highway. 

181. Postage. 

182. Baking— a king, b Mng, a Mn. 

183. Strawberry. 

184. A Mushroom. 

185. Fault. 

186. A ditch. 

187. When they chatter. 

188. Short. 

189. A pillow. 

190. Advice. 

1 91. Heat ; you can catch cold. 

192. Sausage. Rural New Yorlcer. 

193. Hemlock. 

194. Heroine; hero; her; he. 

195. A blush. 

196. He took his cup and saucer. 

197. The cat'll eat it. 

198. B natural. 

199. B sharp. 

200. If the stairs were a way, I would go down stairs. 

201. Nameless. 

202. He "cut it too little"; that is, he did not cut 
it enough. 

203. TOBACCO. 

204. Because of the sandwiches (sand which is) there. 

205. How did the sandwiches get there % Ans. There 
Ham dwelt, and there his descendants were bred and 
mustered (bread and mustard.) 






172 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 

206. Was there any butter on the sandwiches ? Aus. 
No ; Ham took only his wife ; he took none of his 
family but her. 

207. His was made of Gophir wood, and they are 
made to go for wood. 

208. "Noah went forth? 

209. (M) a jest (y). 

210. " Dreaming often ;" dreaming of ten. 

211. Yes ; " perhaps v is most like maybe, or a bee 
in May. 

212. The third gave it her ring, which Puss couldn't 
eat. 

213. On the other side. 

214. Eusebius, (You see by us.) 

215. Inch; chin. 

216. Envy; (IT.) 
317. Pardon. 

218. Cape, caper. 

219. Ten, tenor. 

220. Foe, four. 

221. Oak, ochre. 

222. Sow, soar. 

223. Fee, fear. 

224. Eoe, roar. 

225. Sue, sewer. 

226. Be, beer. 

227. Lie, lyre. 

228. Beau, bore. 

229. Stowe, store. 

230. Sea, seer. 

231. Cough, coffer. 

232. Loaf, loafer. 

233. Port, porter. 

234. Pie, pyre. 

235. Bat, batter. 






PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 173 

236. Dee, deer. 

237. Tart, Tartar. 

238. Tea, tier. 

239. Ye, year, yeast. 

240. Bow, boar, boast. 

241. Fee, fear, feast. 

242. Pay, pear, paste. 

243. Lea, Lear, least. 

244. Bow, rower, roast. 

245. Bee, bier, beast. 

246. E, ear, east. 

247. Co., core, coast. 

248. Poe, pour, post. 

249. Go, gore, ghost. 

250. Weigh, weigher, waste. 

251. " Dear Nephew; 

See, my coal on. 

Uncle John." 
" Dear Uncle ; 

Coal on ! 

James." 

252. He is above doing a bad action. 

253. Because a hen lays only one egg a day, and a 
ship lays to. 

254. Because you can. 

255. ieorn, 2 needles, 3 pins, 4 buckles, 6 canals, 6 combs, 
^rivers, 8 roses, 9 clocks, 10 potatoes, J1 stars, 12 shoes. 

Hearth and Some. 

256. The whale that swallowed Jonah. 

257. Bunyan — a bunion. 

258. A girl is a lass, and alas is an interjection. 

259. Learning to go alone. 

260. The door-bell. 

261. White kids. 

262. He would want muzzlin'. 



174 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 

263. When it lies in a well. 

264. Three: Sirius and the two pointers. 

265. Railing omnibuses. 

266. All the rest are in audible. 

267. Because he is not a(p)parent. 

268. A river. 

269. Neither: both burn shorter. 

270. Because it keeps its hands before its face ; and, 
though full of good works, it is wholly unconscious of 
them, and always running itself down. 

271. Manslaughter ; man's laughter. 

272. ilfonosyllable. 

273. A bed. 

274. (P)shaw! 

275. The sons raise meat there. (The sun's rays meet 
there.) 

276. Innocence Abroad, by Mark Twain (In no sense, 
a broad). 

277. Facetiously. 

278. Philip the Great. 

279. Bug-bear. 

280. Wat Tyler Will Eufus. 

281. Bloomer (err; her; Herr). 

282. Olio. 

283. Cheat; heat; eat; at; chat; ache. 

284. One; none. 

285. Arrow-head. 

286. A man of deceit 
Can best counter/^; 
So, as everything goes, 
He can best count 'er toes. 

287. Balaam's Ass. 

288. A kiss. 

289. The five vowels. 

290. Dotage. 

291. Seaward. 



PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 175 

292. Mimic. 

293. Disgraceful. 

294. The first made musical instruments; the second 
was a baggage-man ; the third was employed in a gas- 
factory ; and the fourth made candles. 

295. Cod. 

296. The postman. 

297. Cowslip. 

298. Love. 

299. The axle-tree. 

300. Because it is farthest from the bark. 

30 L. Because his business makes him sell-fish. 

302. Pearlash. 

303. If he was a wonder, she was a Tudor. 

LION 

INTO 
304. 

OTTO 

NOOK 

305. A cock. 

306. Enigma. 

307. Crabbe, Shelley, Moore. 

308. Goldsmith, Locke. 

309. Campbell, Knight, Day, Foote. 

310. His face. 

311. BLIND. 

312. Young, Gay, Hood, Lamb, Field, Gray, Fox, 
Hunt, Home, Lingard, Wordsworth, Steele. 

313. Mar veil, Hilarius, Akenside, Manley, Hyde, 
Pope. 

314. Aerial. 

315. Bass, perch, roast pig, turkey, fillet, celery, 
gooseberry pudding, dates, Hamburg grapes. 

316. Fire-fly. 

317. The nose. 

318. Walnut. 



176 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 

319. Pea-nut. 

320. Butternut. 

321. Beechnut. 

322. Chestnut. 

323. Oocoaimt. 

324. The morning glory. 

325. Snow drops. 

326. Spinach. 

327. The passion flower. 

328. The spruce tree. 

329. Because he has Adam's Needle, Jacob's Ladder, 
and Solomon's Seal. 

330. Catnip and Henbane. 

331. Heart-ache. 

332. Cashmere. 

333. Season. 

334. A drum. 

335. Chain, china, chin. 

336. Charge, charger. 

337. Scamp, scamper. 

338. Lad, ladder. 

339. Tell, teller. 

340. Barb, barber. 

341. Din, dinner. 

342. I, ire. 

343. Yew, ewer. 

344. Owe, oar. 

345. Crescent, (cress-scent.) 

346. The 5th, 6th, 7th, 8th, 9th, 12th, 16th, 18th, 
19th, 22nd, 23rd, 24th, 26th, 27th, 30th, in the circle, 
were Jews. 

347. Honesty is the best policy. (On ST, etc.) 
348. 




PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 177 

349. The Tongue. 

350. Bothwell. St. Nicholas. 

351. A little more than ~kin and less than kind. 

352. Clink, link, ink, chair, hair air. 

353. (1) D-ranged; (2) C-*>irt ; (3) D-lighted j (4) 
N-haminered ; (5) D-tested ; (6) B-gone-out : (7) 
G-owed; (8) K-dense ; (9) O-void ; (10) Spied; 
(11) B-held; (12) C-bored; (13) X-pensive; (14) 
D-famed. St. Nicholas. 

354. Wake robin. 

355. Fill blanks with : straining, training, raining ; 
dashing, plashing, marching, arching. 

356. Lily. 

357. Ivanhoe. St. Nicholas. 

358. Aries, — wearies. The enigma refers to the 

period when Taurus (the name of whose prin- 
cipal star Aldebaran signifies "He went be- 
fore, or led the way,") was First Constellation. 
Next, Aries, always First Sign, was also First 
Constellation ; and now the Constellation Pis- 
ces " leads the year." 

359. Tissue. 

360. Because it is written with great E's. 

361. Because it is written with two great E's — {too 
great ease.) 

362. Trace a five-pointed star, and plant a tree at 
each extreme point, and at each point of intersec- 
tion. 

363. In naught extenuate, and set down naught in 
malice. E. S. B. 

364. That boy lied. 

365. Fill the blanks with heart, story, art, tory. 

366. Fill the blanks with plover, lo^er, over, ver; 
glowing, lowing, owing, wing. 

367. " For thou art as deaf as a p-o-s-t." 



178 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 

368. April: (ape, rill). 

369. He mispronounced the word " full." "You're a 
fool, Moon," said he. 

370. The pronoun " it," which may stand for any- 
thing on earth, or under or above the earth, seems to 
be the only possible solution. In the first line it stands? 
perhaps, for the utmost limit of space ; in the second, 
for the centre of the earth, etc. 

371. Dogmatic. 

372. Cambyses. 

373. About 117.7 feet. (Find the radius of a circle 
whose area is 43,560 square feet.). — Prof. Eaton, of 
Packer Institute. 

374. Informal. 

375. A DINNER PAETY -THE GUESTS. 

1. Eobert Bruce. 

2. Sir Walter Scott. 

3. Cleopatra. 

4. Leonidas. 

5. Napoleon. 

6. John Milton. 

7. Louis XYI. 

8. Artemisia. 

9. Michael Angelo. 

10. Gustavus of Sweden. 

11. Warwick. 

12. Anne of Warwick. 

13. Christopher Wren. 

14. Cardinal Mezzofanti. 

15. Nelson. 

16. Eobert Burns. 

17. The Chevalier Bayard. 

18. Cromwell. 

19. Sir Eobert Walpole. 

20. Sopor, King of Persia. 



PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 179 



21. Death. 

22. Schwartz, or Soger Bacon. 

23. Alfred the Great. 

24. Captain Cook. 

25. Johannes Gutenberg. 

26. Marshal Ney. 

27. Galileo. 

28. Blucher. 

29. Sir Isaac Newton* 

30. Julius Csesar. 

31. Sir Humphrey Davy. 

32. Sir Walter Ealeigh. 

33. Sir James Eoss. 

34. Alfred Tennyson. 

35. William Wordsworth. 

36. Geoffrey Chaucer. 

37. Charles XII of Sweden. 

38. The Black Prince. 

39. Sir Francis Drake. 

40. Talleyrand. 

41. Herodotus. 

1. Oysters. 

2. Soles. 

3. Herring. 

4. Crabs. 

5. Yenison. 

6. Turkey. 

7. Bacon. 

8. Lamb. 

9. Goose. 

10. Hare. 

11. Duck. 

12. Woodcock. 

13. Partridge. 



^30 PUZZLES AND ODDITIES. 

14. Tongue. 

15. Terrapin. 

16. Potatoes. 

17. Pease. 

18. Parsnips. 

19. Tomatoes. 

20. Beets. 

21. Spinach(e). 

22. Cabbage. 

23. Cauliflower. 

24. Salad in. 

25. Jelly. 

26. Celery. 

27. Artichokes. 

28. Capers. 

29. Cucumbers. 

30. Salt. 

31. Hominy. 

32. Bread. 

33. A floating island. 

34. Whips. 

35. Currants. 

36. Gooseberries. 

37. Pears. 

38. Oranges. 

39. Pine apples. 

40. Apricots. 

41. Medlars. 

42. Figs. 

43. Grapes (gray apes.) 

44. Comfits. 

45. Nuts. 

Note .^ A headless man had . « etc Page J8. Jj- J % 
letter " the letter 0-3quivalent to a cl P her ' to h ^« nothing " to write; 
tl is the solution, then the headless man ha ^ note ^ ^ ^ 

''nothing" was read by the blind man; the dutno iep 

deaf heard " nothing." 



